Hello, Isam? I first read that as Islam and was confused by what you were trying to do.
Sunday, June 9, 2019, 11:07:28 PM, Rimme wrote: R> Tathom: The Patriarch is coming! Lumber crew, I have a special R> assignment for you! R> Lumber crew: Yes, sir! Whatever you need, we're strong enough to handle it! R> Tathom: Good, I want you to take these tiny paintbrushes and whitewash R> the town! R> Lumber crew: Oh! ... Um. R> ---- R> Raven: The Patriarch is coming! Acolytes, I want you to do something for me. R> Acolytes: Yes, ma'am! We may not be strong, but we are many, and if R> there's any task that's both menial and requires us to spread out R> throughout the town, we can do it! R> Raven: Oh, no, nothing like that. You're all going to sit in the temple R> while Merai and I handle Lothanasi complaints! R> Acolytes: Ah! ... Hmm. R> ---- R> Thomas: Is everything ready for the Patriarch? What if I say something R> wrong? What if he hates me? R> Malisa: I'm your daughter. I've only been Prime Minister for a couple R> months. This is my first time meeting a foreign dignitary as Prime R> Minister. Shouldn't I be the one who's nervous? Shouldn't you be R> advising me? R> Thomas: I just want him to be my friend. R> Malisa: I'm not gonna be in this story much, am I? R> ---- R> Kashin: Hello, you must be one of Metamor's elite scouts. Sorry for R> sneaking up on you like that, but the Patriarch would like you to ride R> with him on his way to Metamor. Also, I believe this is your weapon, R> which you dropped from staring at me in disbelief. (hair flick) R> Finbar: Truly, the Patriarch is the greatest man ever! R> ---- R> Thomas: Your Eminence, I know you wished your visit to be in secret. R> Please don't hate me for word getting out. R> Patriarch: It is no matter, and please call me Akabaieth. Though I must R> maintain the appearance of nobility, in private I wish to be addressed R> like a commoner. R> Thomas: Why, I also wish us nobles could address each other as R> commoners! You are a kindred spirit! R> Patriarch: I am just a humble man who dreams of world peace. And I have R> done so by traveling in secret to the far north, revealing to no one I R> have come. R> Vinsah: I think the Patriarch's plan is stupid, but I trust him R> completely with my life. R> Patriarch: So please, tell me more about your magic. R> Vinsah: (pales) R> ---- R> Albert: I will spend the rest of this story thinking of taking the Duke R> and riding him. R> Yacoub: (blushes) R> Andre & Saulius: Hello, we are the only two named knights in Metamor, R> one of whom is from the steppes. R> Albert & Yacoub: Hello, we are the only two named knights of the R> Patriarch, one of whom is from the steppes. R> Andre & Saulius & Albert & Yacoub: We have so much in common, let's be R> friends! R> ---- R> Patriarch: So tell me, how was your chapel built? R> Hough: Oh, it wasn't built. The Keep's demi-god Kyia created it out of R> nothing, after she'd been asked to by my friend the ancient robot fox, R> who was found and rebuilt by an axe-wielding commando clockmaker. R> Patriarch: Truly the wonders of Metamor Keep are beyond all ability to R> understand. R> ---- R> Wessex: I thought I saw Zagrosek in these woods! Rupert, give me that R> lethal magic-detecting powder you carry at all times! R> Phil: Wasn't there a story where you had a pair of magical spectacles to R> see magic? R> Wessex: Sorry, my author ignores it. Aha! These leaves have magic! Phil, R> you must swear not to tell Thomas, or he will foolishly send scouts to R> their deaths looking for Zagrosek! R> Phil: Given that I command the scouts, and the Duke is one of my closest R> friends who has given me wise counsel and kept my many secrets before, I R> will gladly tell him nothing for you. R> ---- R> Patriarch: I used to be a Whalish atheist like you, Phil. I only got R> into religion to spite my father, who destroyed my childhood dream to R> join the navy. And for some reason, the Council of Bishops distrusts me. R> Hello, servant Kimberly. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. R> Thomas: Why, no other noble aside from me and Phil has ever addressed a R> commoner as if they were a person! Truly you are the greatest man ever! R> Patriarch: I am but a humble noble who wants to eliminate social R> classes. It is you and Phil who are the greatest nobles ever. R> Thomas: Tell me more about these Yeshuel. They serve you from birth? R> Patriarch: Oh, not quite. I monitor everyone's sex lives, and bless R> every 1000th conception ever made. The children may choose not to accept R> my blessing, but those that do get special Yeshuel powers. Strangely, R> the only ones who survive to birth are all boys. I suppose if a girl did R> survive, our entire theology would have to be rewritten, ho hum. R> Kashin: Mmmmm, delicious eggs! Did you know that some of the female R> animal morphs here lay eggs, and then the males fertilize them by R> jerking off on them? R> Vinsah: (turns beet-red) R> ---- R> Kashin: Are you a Sondecki? R> Charles: Grrr, how did you discover my secret? I hate you. R> Kashin: I am a Yeshuel, and I have my own secrets. It is an honor to be R> in the presence of a Sondecki, whose name means justice. R> Charles: I instantly trust you now. Let's go for a walk. R> ---- R> Murikeer: I must hide in the shadows, for no human could show me R> anything but fear or hatred. R> Patriarch: What a poor creature, Vinsah. Let's stay and talk with him. R> Vinsah: (holds breath) R> Patriarch: Please, tell me more about your magic. R> Vinsah: (sweats profusely) R> Patriarch: Do you think I could learn magic? R> Vinsah: (turns purple) R> Murikeer: You have shown me that not all Ecclesian priests hate magic. R> Please accept this sculpture I have made of you, out of magic. R> Patriarch: Thank you, Murikeer. I will be sure to take it out often in R> front of Vinsah. R> Vinsah: (eyes bulge) R> ---- R> Charles: And this is the Long House, home of the Long Scouts. They're R> supposed to be a secret, but I'm sure they won't care. R> Kashin: What's behind that door over there? R> Charles: That's a secret. How dare you intrude upon other people's secrets. R> Kashin: Let's fight. R> Charles: How did you defeat my all-powerful Sondeck with only a V motion? R> Kashin: That's a secret. R> ---- R> Raven: Our churches are both corrupt. Enemies hide among us. War is R> coming, as the prophecies have foretold. R> Patriarch: I will nonetheless openly tell everyone my dreams of world peace. R> ---- R> Yacoub: Andre, do you think I could... touch your hand? R> Andre: Of course, but don't take too long, or people might think we're R> gay! Ha ha! R> Yacoub: (blushes) R> Albert: There's something evil in the woods! R> Yacoub: (stares longingly at Andre) R> Andre: Welp, not our problem. Let's tell the patrol master, so he can R> send someone out tomorrow. R> ---- R> Murikeer: Elvmere, you must leave the Patriarch, and embrace magic! R> Vinsah: No! I hate magic, and love the Patriarch! R> Younger Patriarch: Ha ha! I hate magic, and love killing Lothanasi! R> Vinsah: That is not what I said at all. R> Raven: Elvmere, you must wear this mask, or you are as evil as your R> Patriarch was! R> Vinsah: Get this mask off me, and stop calling me Elvmere! R> Dream Woman: Elvmere, Elvmere, Elvmere. If you leave Metamor, a man in R> black will try to kill you! R> Vinsah: AHHH! Oh, thank Eli, it was just a dream. R> Serpent: Hello, stranger. Want a mask? R> Vinsah: AAAAHHHHHHH!! R> Kashin: Blast, whoever scared Vinsah has disappeared down a dark R> hallway, my one weakness. (hair flick) R> ---- R> Charles: There's nothing in these woods. R> Finbar: I am scared for no reason. R> Charles: Welp, let's go back and say we found nothing. R> ---- R> Jessica: Master, we are heading to the Patriarch's speech, where he will R> outline his vision for world peace. Will you come? R> Wessex: Tell me later. I have just discovered proof that our enemy R> Zagrosek was hiding in the woods, and rather than tell anyone, I must R> spend tonight and tomorrow casting a spell to determine what evil scheme R> he could be planning. R> ---- R> Murikeer: Misha, the Patriarch's speech was so inspiring, I wish to join R> the scouts who will watch him tonight. R> Misha: Actually, you and Charles will be an hour north of him, watching R> the road. It has been acting suspiciously road-like. R> ---- R> Thomas: Farewell, Patriarch! Truly, none but Eli could have written a R> speech as wonderful as yours was! R> Vinsah: Patriarch, I have this uneasy feeling that I should stay at Metamor. R> Patriarch: I had a dream last night that a mysterious woman wanted you R> to stay at Metamor. Also, you were wearing a mask. R> Vinsah: These signs reek of magic. I'd better ignore them. R> ---- R> Wessex: Thomas! Zagrosek is here, and he's going to murder the R> Patriarch! I must cast a spell to contact the scouts, rather than the R> Patriarch or his bodyguards directly! R> Thomas: Oh, what a fool I was to let him leave without protection! R> Phil: Oh, what a fool I was to say nothing! R> Thomas: Will we become less foolish if we run in circles for a bit? R> Phil: Can't hurt to try. R> ---- R> Agathe: What a fool you are to come alone, little wizard. R> Wessex: You can't kill me, you and Zagrosek need me for your evil plan! R> Agathe: You are completely right, but I won't tell you that. Men suck. R> ---- R> Kashin: A Sondecki? What are you doing out here in a rainstorm? R> Zagrosek: I am here to kill the Patriarch. R> Iosef: Fear not, Kashin. I also know the secret to attacking Sondeckis! R> Zagrosek: (kills with non-Sondecki death ray) R> Kashin: My arm! (faints with a hair flick) R> ---- R> Yeshuel: Your Eminence! A magic assassin is in the camp! We must flee to R> Metamor! R> Patriarch: We? No no no, I will flee to Metamor alone. The rest of you R> will charge uselessly at him, to buy me time to escape. R> Yeshuel: Your Eminence, it is good that I am so loyal, or I might R> question your orders. You should at least take the fastest horse we have. R> Patriarch: Horse? Heavens, no! The knights need those horses, so they R> can also charge uselessly at him. I will be running away on foot. R> Yeshuel: On foot? In the middle of the night, through the woods, during R> a rainstorm, at your age, completely alone, for 20 miles with a magic R> assassin at your back? R> Patriarch: Look, if I'm gonna be a martyr, I at least want it to look R> pathetic. R> ---- R> Dream Woman: Elvmere! The man in black is here! Use your dinner plate to R> save yourself! R> Vinsah: A flimsy piece of metal, to stop an assassin? Eh, it's a better R> idea than an old man like me running alone in the woods in a rainstorm R> at night. R> Zagrosek: Grrr, even though I must conserve my Sondeck, I will use it to R> crush the chests of these non-combatant priests, rather than slitting R> their throats. R> ---- R> Knights: Charge! R> Zagrosek: (slams his sword into a horse's legs with Sondecki force) R> Knights: Charge! R> Zagrosek: (throws Sondecki forcefield at knights) R> Knights: Charge! R> Zagrosek: (hurls knight across the camp with Sondecki strength) R> Knights: Charge! R> Zagrosek: (sidesteps and stabs a knight in the ribs and then stabs the R> horse with Sondecki dexterity) R> Yeshuel: Charge! R> Zagrosek: (stabs a Yeshuel and decapitates the other with Sondecki R> sleight-of-hand) R> Albert: Do we have, like, a plan that doesn't involve charging? R> Footmen: Charge! R> Zagrosek: Whew, that was tough, but I managed to use the last of my R> Sondeck killing everyone. R> Albert: Not me! R> Agathe: Zagrosek, you pompous self-centered pig! Stop wasting time and R> kill the Patriarch! R> Albert: Ack! R> Zagrosek: The Patriarch's gone! If only there were a way to track him, R> like if the ground were muddy or something! R> Agathe: You're lucky I know the Deus Ex Machina rune, you irresponsible R> hyper-masculine baboon. R> Zagrosek: Excellent! I will chase him down using my Sondecki speed! R> Patriarch: My men may not have been ready to die, but I am. But before I R> die, tell me, why would a Sondecki like you assassinate someone like me? R> Zagrosek: That's a secret. R> Agathe: Zagrosek, you incompetent milk-blooded fencepost! There's a man R> here you forgot to kill! Now kill him because I'm lazy! R> Zagrosek: Wait, this is the man whose mind we read with my Sondecki R> mind-reading! Since he had an evil thought, let's kidnap him, with my R> Sondecki strength, and make him commit the act himself! R> Agathe: I thought you ran out of Sondeck. R> Zagrosek: Silly woman, everyone knows "Sondeck" is Southlandese for R> "plot powers". R> Agathe: Let's just get to the shadow realm, you insipid turd of a rock R> pigeon. Men suck. I'm suddenly horny, let's have sex! R> ---- R> Thomas: This is all my fault, I should have sent more guards. R> Phil: This is all my fault. I should have trusted you with my secrets. R> Wessex: This is all Charles's fault! He and Zagrosek are collaborating R> with Nasoj! I have no proof, but you must believe me, and tell him nothing! R> Raven: Did something happen to the Patriarch? R> Wessex: How did you know?! R> Raven: Many intense prayer sessions, and also the fact that you and the R> knights were running around everywhere. R> Charles: Your grace. Terrible news, the Patriarch... R> Raven: ... has died. I take it you found survivors, and they're up with R> the healer? Otherwise, a loyal Patildor like yourself wouldn't have left R> the scene of the crime. R> Thomas: What an incredibly competent mind you have. If only we'd R> consulted you sooner. R> Wessex: (grumble grumble) R> Kashin: I have failed to protect the Patriarch. All I have is the dagger R> that killed him, of Sathmoran design. R> Raven: Good thing none of us are crazy enough to go wave it around and R> claim that this is Sathmore's fault. R> Wessex: Kashin, I need that dagger for another augury spell. Gimme gimme. R> Kashin: No, I am bound by my Yeshuel oaths to carry this with me to R> Sathmore, and tell everyone that I have sworn revenge on the man who R> killed the Patriarch. R> Raven: Ah, shoot. R> Wessex: Hey, I'm just glad I'm not the only self-interested detective R> around here. R> ---- R> Angernil: Thank you for the information, Raven. Too bad Akabaieth is R> dead, he could have brought peace between the faiths once and for all. R> Raven: And now corruption remains everywhere, our own council acts R> against us, and war approaches. R> Angernil. Yep. This meeting of the Ineffectual Members of the R> Lightbringer Council is now adjourned. R> ---- R> Dream Woman: Welcome home, Elvmere. Now accept Murikeer's gift and R> embrace magic. R> Vinsah: But why? Why did you care so much that I stay at Metamor, and R> left the rest of my friends to die? R> Dream Woman: We all ask that question, but sometimes, we must accept it R> as the will of the creator. R> Vinsah: So you have no idea either. R> Coe: Ah, you are awake! Guess what, you are turning into a raccoon, like R> me! With a mask and everything! R> Vinsah: Could you make sure no one else enters? All this blatant irony R> is making me sick. R> ---- R> Andre: I am so sorry, Yacoub, for the loss of Albert. And our beloved R> Patriarch, too, I guess. But we did find his horse and yours! R> Andre & Saulius & Yacoub: Hurray! R> ---- R> Andares: Greetings, friend. I am an Aelf, and my master told me to find R> you. He says this was not just an assassination, but a conspiracy. R> Follow me if you wish to hunt these conspirators who murdered the Patriarch. R> Kashin: This sounds like a plot hook. How many are we at, right now? R> ---- R> (Postscript: I finished reading Liturgy of Blood a couple months ago, R> and I found I had very mixed feelings about it. Everything that ISN'T R> written above (and some stuff that is), I enjoyed quite a bit, but... R> there's a few things that stuck out, so I had to write this. Apologies R> to MattRat for this :) R> If you didn't get the subject reference, this was inspired by ISAM's R> legendary Wheel of Time summaries.) R> --- R> This email has been checked for viruses by Avast antivirus software. R> https://www.avast.com/antivirus R> _______________________________________________ R> MKGuild mailing list R> [email protected] R> http://lists.integral.org/listinfo/mkguild -- Best regards, AmigaDragon mailto:[email protected] _______________________________________________ MKGuild mailing list [email protected] http://lists.integral.org/listinfo/mkguild
