Glenn: Thank you for your very thoughtful and touching post.
My wife and I (as, I suppose, many other people) were discussing just this the other night while we were out at dinner: What is it that drives certain artists to self-destructive, even suicidal, behaviour? It's almost impossible to know the answer, as every individual is unique with unique failings, weaknesses and self-doubts. But I think part of it has to do with what we define as success. Is it possible, for an artist who truly tests themselves, to ever be a success? Aren't they always trying to attain heights of achievement that are (and maybe should be) just slightly beyond their grasp? Perfection may never be achieved (because it's not possible), but the act (and the art) of the process of interpretation is itself the point and should be enough. But it's not enough for many artists because they often see themselves falling short instead of reaching their goal. This leads to increased self-doubt, a weakening of self-confidence and, in some cases, real clinical depression. Add to that the strain of dealing with an outside world that is celebrity-obsessed and has no clue what terrible hoops an artist must sometimes jump through. To the outside world, you're a success: rich, beautiful, talented, at the apex of achievement. But inside, you don't believe that's true, you think you're a fraud, that the whole business is smoke and mirrors, signifying nothing (and most of it is). Some artists can come through something like that, get beyond it, by concentrating on the work and keeping a level head. But it's not easy and there are casualties, Hollywood's collateral damage. Vulnerability, while a vital tool in any actor's bag of tricks, can also be deadly in that environment. I've never worked in film or TV, but I was a standup comic for five years back in the 90s and I saw too many talented young comics self-destruct. In one particularly tragic case, one leapt to his death from the balcony of his hotel. In others, substance abuse was the problem. And depression was omnipresent, ironic considering these were people whose job was to make audiences laugh. Sadly, I don't think this is something that will ever be solved. I think it's in the nature of the artists and the business itself. Doesn't make it any less tragic when it happens, though. As for whether what they had was enough: No. Why? The only ones who could answer that will never be able to answer, leaving us to speculate...forever. Dave ----- Original Message ----- From: Glenn Taranto To: [email protected] Sent: Saturday, January 26, 2008 3:18 AM Subject: [MOPO] Heath Ledger - Actors and Drugs (Off Topic) Dear MOPO friends, I wanted to post something about Heath Ledger's death but needed to make sure I had some time to do it. This is a long post so you may feel free to delete. Perhaps you will take a moment... This thing about actors and drugs is something that has haunted me for years. I was on the high school newspaper at a time when Saturday Night Live was in its infant stages and also at its height. I thought I'd be cute and told my teacher I wanted to go to New York and interview John Belushi. She said, if you can get him to agree you can go. I guess she figured it would never happen. I called NBC from the office phone and actually got to talk to Belushi. He said they were going to go to New Orleans in a couple of weeks to do a show and when they got back we could set something up. Naturally everyone thought this was a big deal and they couldn't wait for me to talk to him next. I anxiously waited for that New Orleans show to come along. Jerry Lewis' Broadway show Hellzapoppin' was supposed to have a big special on that Sunday but when the show closed before it opened NBC was left with a big gapping hole in their schedule. So they sent the SNL crowd to New Orleans. From what I read it was quite a party. The show, as I remember was not that good. I suspect it had something to do with the fact that a lot of partying was going on. The Tuesday following I called NBC again and once again, miraculously, was put through to John Belushi. The conversation was brief and I could tell that this was not the "same" John Belushi I had spoken with before. He was a different person. Seemingly not as upbeat. He politely refused my request for an interview saying he'd been misquoted enough in the press. When I pointed out that this was a high school paper he stated the same and said he wasn't going to do any more interviews. Thus ended my brush with Belushi and my hope of going to New York to see SNL. Later when I got to know Dan Ackroyd's father through a mutual friend he intimated that was how Belushi was. Often fueled by drugs he could be one person one day and another person the next. He said if I had called on Wednesday instead of Tuesday Belushi might have said yes. Five years later, in 1982, when I heard Belushi died of drugs I wasn't surprised. It was almost as if that was where he was headed anyway. A disappointment certainly but not a surprise. I've never done anything stronger than aspirin. Subsequently I never got the whole drug thing. A year and half later, in 1983, I was working for the accounting firm Touche Ross. It was without a doubt one of the most depressing jobs I've ever had. Way down deep in the bowels of the Capitol building in New York . There were two older women, different as night and day. Iris, the tough old Irish broad, and Irene, the well-dressed, gentile Jewish lady. As nice as these two women were to me this was not a job for a young man. Getting slips of paper from accountants and finding the file, then replacing the file, then getting the file, then replacing the file, then, well, you get the idea. I would sit there hoping each audition I went on would help rescue me from this miserable existence. One day, on the radio, came the announcement that a rising young actor by the name of James Hayden died of a drug overdose. I had seen James Hayden in two plays, AMERICAN BUFFALO, the one he was currently starring in, and just a few months earlier as Rudolpho in A VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE. His performance as Rudolpho was heartbreaking. I knew here was an actor of great importance. Just beginning his career and soon to be someone everyone would know. When I saw him in AMERICAN BFFALO his ability was cemented for me. There comes a time in many an actor's life when they realize. OK, maybe I have some talent but THAT guy is an actor! That's how I felt about James Hayden. The same way I felt when I saw a 21 year-old Sean Penn in a play called HEARTLAND. There's something special there. I wish I had whatever that was. And when I heard James Hayden had died from a drug overdose it caused me to wonder very deeply, what is it that he had, that I wanted that wasn't enough for him? He's starring on Broadway in a play with Al Pacino making 15 hundred dollars a week. I'm stuck here in the basement at this lousy job with these two old women. If anyone should be putting a needle in his arm it's me. I was haunted by all these thoughts for quite a long time. Unfortunately, to a lesser degree, I still am. Now that, once again, drugs, whether intentional or not have claimed Brad Renfro and Heath Ledger these thoughts come racing back to me. What is that they have, that I want, that's not enough for them. Now these questions go far deeper than just fame, fortune and the chance to be in prestigious projects. It goes to the heart of life and living. Enjoying what we have. What we've been given. Enjoying the journey, the people we meet and the friends we make. The rest, as they as they say, is bullshit. Now the irony of it all. In 1991 I wrote, directed and starred in a play that more or less dealt with my feelings about James Hayden's death. After struggling in New York for ten years I finally got an agent who a year later asked if I wanted to move to LA to try my hand in television. I did and I've been here ever since. New York or LA there's been some success mostly it's all been a very, very, VERY difficult career. And through it all no drugs of any kind. Unfortunately Heath Ledger's death will not prevent another successful young actor from O'Ding. That's the sad part for me. There will always be a successful actor who finds something missing in his life and will hope what ever he's looking for will come in the form of some kind of drug. And always there will be another young actor with less talent but with equal or greater desire to have that career left wondering what is it that they have, that I want, that isn't enough for them? Glenn T. ----- Original Message ----- From: Joseph Bonelli To: [email protected] Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2008 5:48 PM Subject: Re: [MOPO] Heath Ledger 1979-2008 Latest press releases (I'm at work at a New Orleans public radio station) say that the apartment was not owned by M.K.Olsen-- that's an official Olsen announcement. Joe B in NOLA PS-- Can't get over the shock at the death of this fine young actor. Susan Heim <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: I just saw that he was found in the apartment of Mary Kate Olson who was out of town. What a tragedy to such a young life. Sue Heim www.hollywoodposterframes.com ----- Original Message ----- From: Richard Del Belso To: [email protected] Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2008 2:48 PM Subject: Re: [MOPO] Heath Ledger 1979-2008 Yes, this a shocker. My jaw dropped when i read your message. What a pity...he was such a talented guy. Richard Del Belso > Date: Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:55:25 -0500 > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Subject: [MOPO] Heath Ledger 1979-2008 > To: [email protected] > > A shocker: > > Academy Award nominated Heath Ledger found dead today, age 28. Here's a > link: > > http://www.tmz.com/ > > Scott > MoPo List Owner > > Visit the MoPo Mailing List Web Site at www.filmfan.com > ___________________________________________________________________ > How to UNSUBSCRIBE from the MoPo Mailing List > > Send a message addressed to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > In the BODY of your message type: SIGNOFF MOPO-L > > The author of this message is solely responsible for its content. Visit the MoPo Mailing List Web Site at www.filmfan.com ___________________________________________________________________ How to UNSUBSCRIBE from the MoPo Mailing List Send a message addressed to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] In the BODY of your message type: SIGNOFF MOPO-L The author of this message is solely responsible for its content. 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