Many thanks David for this insight into Adrian's thoughts.
From: MoPo List [mailto:mopo-l@LISTSERV.AMERICAN.EDU] On Behalf Of David Kusumoto Sent: 1 September, 2016 12:23 PM To: MoPo-L@LISTSERV.AMERICAN.EDU Subject: [MOPO] Adrian Cowdry, 1964-2016 Adrian Cowdry, 1964-2016 * I'm writing this to amplify the dimensions of a charismatic man we have all lost. I never met Adrian in person. But over two decades, we engaged in zillions of conversations that went well beyond his known affection for movie posters, World War II history, conservative U.K. politics, Harley Davidson motorcycles - and of course, all things James Bond. * Adrian was only 52 when he took his own life - and it appears that he engineered his death to coincide with his birthday, which was two days ago, on August 29. He was a passionate thinker, going against the grain on many issues, peppering his commentaries with hilariously worded language. Standing at 6-5 - he was literally and figuratively a larger-than-life man. * We shared dark ideologies about the meaning of life, politics and families. (He leaves behind a wife and three grown children.) While I do not know how Adrian chose to end his life - nor the specific catalysts that spurred him - our many exchanges included emails (which I've spent hours re-reading today) - which suggest how death - whether by natural causes or otherwise - was regarded as a matter-of-fact subject for both of us - albeit for different reasons. * (NOTE: the following is my opinion, not necessarily factual). In my view, Adrian's feelings about suicide had hardened during the past 10 years. It is also my view that he was NOT mentally ill, which is a reflexive diagnosis given by others who react to this type of horror. I believe Adrian's views solidified as the result of at least three gigantic events: 1) getting cancer in 2008 and joining the list of millions of "survivors" who go into remission - but are forever haunted by its possible return; 2) the suicide of his terminally ill father in December 2013; and, 3) the death of his mother just 36 hours later, by, in Adrian words, "a broken heart." His parents had been married for 50 years. * For all his joviality and cutting wit - Adrian was a serious and practical man - who strived for perfection in everything he did. Today, as I reflect on his great but short life, I am struck by the following passages, excerpted over several emails we exchanged in 2013 and 2014. These are Adrian's own words: * "There is an argument for euthanasia and assisted suicide. You would not allow a dog to suffer in this way. The arguments about playing god are strong - but not as strong as (making sure that) your loved ones do not suffer..." * "Like you, I do not have any religious bent, I do not condemn anyone their faith - but I cannot believe in an all seeing creator. I do believe, however - that our bodies are not the be all and end all...I firmly believe that souls live on. Whether they remain to help loved ones - or to just keep an eye (on us) - I am not sure. But I often feel the presence of folk from my past who were close to me. And I often dream that I am conversing and perhaps even receiving messages from them, (such as), "tell so and so not to worry about us, because all is well..." This could be my subconscious speaking - for which I have no explanation - so I go with the flow and accept them for what they are - that they are dreams with possible messages." * "And like you I (sometimes) feel the presence of someone (who has passed). My great uncle was a master baker who taught me a lot about cooking. He was from Yorkshire and he taught me how to make Yorkshire puds by (a strict) rule of thumb. And every time I make them, I remember how he used to say to me, "you're doing good, lad." And as you say, I do remember facial expressions and idiosyncrasies. I'd like to think (there is more to life) than just conception (and) death. I do feel that the soul lives on." * "I often feel that folk gain comfort knowing their loved ones are (always) around. Love is such a strong emotion that keeps those who have passed - in one's mind. And in many ways - this keeps them (forever) alive. ...(But) you would not allow a dog to suffer. No human should go through this. Your dad will be at peace when he passes and you will remember the better times before this last phase of his life." * BTW, in the last excerpt - Adrian is referring to struggles I had with my Dad, who passed away last year from Alzheimer's. It is obvious, when I read Adrian's own hand - that he was a deep thinker, a philosopher, a man in touch with his accomplishments - as well as a man with a tactile sense of humanity, of suffering, of his own mortality, trying to gain full control and measure of his own destiny - instead of being dragged behind it. * Like everyone else, I grieve for him and will miss him tremendously. But I'm comforted that despite being an empirical sort - and because Adrian himself always believed the soul lives on - I will too. He will forever speak to me from the beyond. - d. * Closing with Adrian's signature sign off, "This Never Happened to the Other Fella...." 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