SA,

I couldn't handle it.  People I care about pecking at each 
other.  Pain.  It was too much, so I headed for the hills.  I send 
them love, trust, empathy & compassion.  I am a coward.  You are brave.

Marsha



At 10:11 PM 7/6/2007, you wrote:
 >Hello,
 >
 >
 >      At work stress swallows people into negativity.
 >This is a daily, nightly event.  It is definitely the
 >moment that brings out the best or the worst in a
 >person.  I try to laugh.  It does help relieve the
 >pressure, not just for myself, but for others around
 >me.  Work is not only political, but intellectual.
 >The correct decisions are to made, and a pat on the
 >back is, well, from those higher up in the hierarchy -
 >doesn't happen 99% of the time.  I sometimes think,
 >with this non-encouragement, am I to except a 'nice
 >job', 'thanks', or 'your doing this well'.  It's
 >usually can you correct this, or we can't have people
 >doing that.  Even hearing the negativity about others
 >has me watch my back.  You don't know what to say at
 >times.  One wrong word, and many won't help and care
 >about you.  I know I do things at times, that others
 >wonder 'what the heck was he thinking'.  I try to
 >remember this.  It helps.  For everybody does with
 >what they know.  I've heard some are just plain lazy
 >and don't try.  Maybe - well, it's probably most
 >likely true.  I still address problems that staff may
 >be having.  I still address problems that residents
 >are having.  I do encourage and say thank you and
 >please.  Yet, so many people talk about each other -
 >spies lurk.  This whole situation demands allegiance,
 >and if you don't show respect to certain people, well,
 >don't except it back.  Trust, that's my issue.  I
 >don't trust certain people.  It's funny.  I trust the
 >residents more than the staff at times, except for a
 >certain few.  At least with the residents, when they
 >make a mistake or try to lie, it can be dealt with,
 >discussed openly and then we move on.  With staff and
 >the politics -what I like to call drama, has moved
 >into the sector of the staff and administration.  Why
 >bother with it?  Why think about it?  Who cares what
 >others think?  I mean we make mistakes.  Why does it
 >bother me if others talk behind my back?  I know I say
 >things at times, I try not to, but I do.  It is
 >negative and towards certain staff.  Everybody grovels
 >and moans about each other.  Where does this get us?
 >I try to come back to the focus at what we are doing
 >at work, which is the residents.  Then staff do this
 >or don't do this, and it goes counter to what would
 >help everything run better for the residents - so the
 >staff become more the problem than the residents.  The
 >staff aren't helping the residents, but then again we
 >each have our own way.  I guess I should talk with
 >each staff and support them.  If things don't go well,
 >then I should be here for them in support and guidance
 >and not have the attitude, "I told you so!"  That
 >doesn't help I guess.  Even if I think certain staff
 >are doing something to help residents or aren't being
 >on the same page and are going out on their own, well,
 >if problems arise, then it is their doing.  I don't
 >leave them out to dry, but help them.  I don't say, "I
 >told you so." (which I haven't, but I'm saying I
 >should trust them more).  I can help them out, not
 >demand I certain way.  It's tough.  I found a way that
 >works and helps provide consistent structure for the
 >residents so the residents don't rule the show.  Yet,
 >there are other ways.  There are other honest efforts,
 >even if they seem so silly and counter to what I've
 >experienced.  If I have to clean up somebodies mess,
 >then so be it.  I'm sure I do things that don't help.
 >I know I lean on the discipline side.  I'm not much of
 >a talker with the residents especially if they are
 >doing things wrong that I've or others have repeatedly
 >called them out on.  I'm straightforward in my
 >approach.  It makes some laugh and others think I'm
 >mean at times.  Sometimes I'm seen as too complex, I
 >make things complicated.  I say to these people, your
 >probably right, and yes, I have said that to people,
 >staff and residents.  When the shit hits the fan,
 >thus, a crisis is amongst us at work, I know exactly
 >what needs to be done.  I'm clear minded and go right
 >for the solution.  I know I'm strict.  When it comes
 >to talking with the residents, I can laugh and joke
 >around with them.  I really don't like to leave my
 >assistant supervisor out of the picture.  I try to let
 >her in on everything.  It helps me.  I have somebody
 >to talk to about what's happening.  When she wonders
 >if I tell her everything, I'm very plain-spoken with
 >her and I let her know - yes, I'm telling you
 >everything and if I'm not, I think what is it I
 >haven't let her know and I tell her.  It helps with my
 >sanity.  She's somebody I know that understands what I
 >go through.  She's been through a lot with residents
 >wanting to kill her and get rid of her.  I've been
 >there.  I know exactly what she's talking about.  This
 >helps her.  She knows I've been there, and it's
 >difficult to rely this experience to others that
 >haven't been through what we've been through.  There
 >are others on campus, on different units that
 >understand too.  But it's not about this.  It's not
 >about what I know and what others know and may or may
 >not do measured by my experience.  I don't need to
 >compare.  They've got their own way.  I should be more
 >supportive and encouraging.  Isn't that what I'm
 >looking for from others in the first place?
 >
 >
 >night,
 >SA
 >
 >
 >
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