Abuse: The children will remember it all By: Booker T Hodges Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder Originally posted 7/2/2003
I recently had the opportunity to sit down and talk to a young woman named LaShonda. I met LaShonda around a year ago when I was getting signatures for my nominating petition.
LaShonda was setting in her car waiting for her oldest son to come out of the store. I asked her if she would sign my petition and she gladly agreed. When I made eye contact with her, I noticed that both of her eyes were black and her lip was swollen. Rather than ask her what happened, I gave her my card and told her to call me if she ever wanted to talk.
She never called, but I never forgot about her. Last week I saw her again, sitting in her car in the parking lot waiting for her son. This time I asked her if she would to talk me. She agreed.
I told LaShonda that I wanted to ask her some questions that I had never had the opportunity to ask my own mother. You see, my mother died when I was 12 years old. She died at the age of 33 of a cerebral hemorrhage, which is a blood clot in the brain. My mother was abused by my father.
As a child I can remember seeing my mother�s face bruised and battered almost all of the time. My younger brother and I would always sit in our room and cry as my mother was being beaten. I never got to ask my mother why in the [EMAIL PROTECTED] she didn�t leave my father.
LaShonda is a beautiful, 34-year-old Black woman with three sons ages four, six and 10. She has been married to her husband for 13 years. So when I asked LaShonda why she doesn�t leave her husband, she said, �I love him. I don�t know anything different. Look at me � nobody else would want to be with me. He takes care of our kids. I tried to leave once, but he talked me into coming back. You just don�t understand what he means to me.�
I told her that the best thing that a parent can do for their kids is love their spouse, and loving their spouse doesn�t mean beating the shit out them. I told her that as a person who grew up in a household similar to how her children are being raised. It does a child no good to have a punk beating the shit out of his or her mother day in and day out.
I asked LaShonda what she thinks her kids will remember when they grow up. She said, �I never really thought about it. I talked to my oldest about it a little bit, and he really hates his father. He sometimes will help me clean up after an argument with his father. I hope and pray every day that they don�t turn out like their dad. What else can I do?�
I told LaShonda that her children will remember every single thing that they see. I can remember my mother putting cucumbers and potatoes on her face to help speed the healing process.
LaShonda says that her abusive relationship has caused her to cut ties with her family and friends. �I don�t have any friends anymore. I stopped talking to my old girlfriends, because every time I would talk to them they would tell me that I should leave my husband, and I just got sick and tired of hearing that. I know they cared about me, but I just didn�t want to hear the same thing every time I talk to them.�
LaShonda also said that she doesn�t know where to get help. �I want to get help, but I don�t know where. I don�t want to go some place where people might know me. I don�t want to go to the police, because that will get my husband in trouble. I love my husband. I know that you may not understand why I love him, but I just do.�
There are many women out their like LaShonda. This column is simply not long enough to go into the detail that I want. Be sure to read the next
column to find out what LaShonda�s husband said to me after he found out that I was talking to his wife about this issue.
LaShonda and many women like her need help. As a child I wish that I knew of a place that would have helped my mother. Maybe if I did she would still be alive today.
If anyone knows of any resources for women that are involved in domestic violence situations, please let me know. I plan on posting resources for women in every column that I write from here on.
If you are a woman who is being abused, you can call the national abuse hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.
Booker T welcomes reader responses to [EMAIL PROTECTED] .
Booker T Hodges North side
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