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SUBJECT: Mustard??
 
If you have children you will probably relate to this father.
 
As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun,
crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.
 
The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic
table in our back yard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my
wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny [our six week old son) while I get my
sandwich," she said.
 
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching for
the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.  I love
 mustard.  I had no napkin.  I licked it off.  It was not mustard.  No man
 ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted
 with my tongue protruding.
 
With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do,
 only I did it on my tongue.
 
Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard)  my wife said, "Now
 you know why they call that mustard  "Poupon."
 
[When you stop laughing, pass it on!]
 


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