Dealing with tragedy and trauma
When a terrible tragedy or prolonged suffering occurs
in our lives, or to those around us, we all go through a lot of questioning,
grieving and trying to understand this terrible situation. The issues and needs
that are brought to the surface by a tragedy are far-reaching and can dredge up
old hurts and traumas that were not adequately dealt with in our past history.
These fragments of old memories then can mix together with fragments of new
memories, cause confusion and inability of cope, depression and a whole range of
emotional problems. Sometimes it is only with the help of a professional
christian grief-cousellor and a long period of therapy sessions that all these
problems can be dealt with adequately, and the healing process can begin. But
there are also things that we can do to cooperate with God in our own
healing process.
The main thing to keep in mind is that...
GOD ALLOWED
THIS TO HAPPEN,
AND
HE LIMITED THE PAIN
for reasons only He really knows. If we can
focus in this perspective, it will help us to keep from despairing, as if the
world is out of control and we are all helpless victims waiting for the ship to
sink. (1 Cor
10:13 KJV)
There hath no
temptation[Grk=adversity, testing] taken you but such as is common to man:
but God is faithful, who
will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able;
but will with the
temptation also make a way to escape,
that ye may be able to bear
it.
So let's take a look at some things to keep in mind
when we are faced with an otherwise overwhelming tragedy.
GOD ALLOWED THIS
TO HAPPEN
For some scriptural
insight on this matter, we can investigate what happened in the life of Job.
If you look in the first chapter of Job, God is bragging on
Job before all the assembled "sons of God" including Satan, who apparently gets
to sit in on these meetings....
(Job
1:8 KJV)
And the LORD said
unto Satan,
Hast thou considered
my servant Job,
that there is none like him
in the earth,
a perfect and an upright
man, one that feareth God,
and escheweth[H=withdraws
from] evil?
At this point, Satan begins to bring hypothetical accusations
against Job, and desires to have evil things happen to Him, so that Job's
character will be defaced. Notice here, that God, in His wisdom and
for His Own Purposes, allows Satan to do certain of these
things to Job that he desired to do. Among the possible reasons God allows these
things to happen to Job are to verify Job's character, help Job to deepen
his faith, to force him to reconsider his priorities of life, and to help Job to
know God in a personal way instead of just a shallow or religious way.
But even though God allows these things into
Job's life to test him, The Lord sets limits
on Satan as to how far he can go to bring evil
into Job's life. It is here that we may replace our own
name in the story of Job. For as bad as it may seem at first, it is the
ultimate character and the presence of Christ in each one of us, that is being
"verifed" by tragedies and times of suffering. As Paul has
written,
1 Cor 10:13
(KJV)
There hath no
temptation(time of testing) taken you but such as is common to man:
but God is faithful,
who will not allow you to be
tempted above that ye are able;
but will with the temptation also
make a way to escape,
that ye may be able to bear
it.
And so we must understand that things that
happen to us don't happen in a vacuum, in an an out-of-control universe,
willy-nilly, completely by accident, unsupervised, with no-one to care or stop
them...
GOD IS ALWAYS
IN CONTROL!!!
WE MUST ALWAYS SEE THE LARGER
PICTURE
We may not like what is happening, it may be
hurtful, harmful, traumatic, disgusting, tragic, destructive...all these things
and more, but God always puts a limit on them, and has a purpose for allowing
them to happen. And that purpose always is that ultimately as we go through the
trauma and learn how to deal with it, we will come out the other side stronger
and more Christ-like, having a new desire for purity and Godliness, and having
new equipment to minister to the needs of others who are going through the same
problems.
(2 Cor 1:3-5
KJV)
Blessed be God, even the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies, and
the God of all comfort;
{4} Who comforteth us in all our
tribulation,
that we may be able to
comfort them which are in any trouble,
by the comfort wherewith we
ourselves are comforted of God.
{5} For as the sufferings of
Christ abound in us,
so our consolation also
aboundeth by Christ.
WE ARE REQUIRED TO ENDURE
IT
Let me emphasize for a moment, a phrase in the
previous verse:
v{4} Who comforteth
us IN all our tribulation,
Unfortunately, as with any traumatic
experience, we have to go through it. Since it is God's will that
allowed this to happen to us in the first place, and God designed
and limited the testing for His own purposes, we have to experience it and
to feel the pain, to have our lives and our minds scrambled...we have to cry,
pray, ask why, get angry, feel abused, feel confused, experience loss and
lostness...lose sleep, feel like the heavens are as brass, mistakenly feel that
God has abandoned us or doesn't care about us, or that we could have done more,
or "if only I had done such and such", or "I am inadequate", and a million
possible other feelings and terrors might go through our minds during times like
this. And all this with the ultimate goal that we will be purified like gold is
purified, in the fires that will burn away that which is impure and meaningless,
so that the brightness of Christ will glisten in us that much more
brightly.
Job 23:10
(KJV)
But God knoweth the way that
I take:
when he hath tried me,
I shall come forth as
gold.
It is this harsh refining process
that ultimately creates new riches in our lives, by tearing away the veneer of
human self-confidence, worldliness, pride, secret unconfessed sins, arrogance,
complacency, misdirected life-goals, materialism, all of which our flesh enjoys.
These habits and attitudes tend to accumulate secretly and un-noticed in our
hearts when everything is going well. But God hates all of them and wants to
remove them from our lives, because they are obscuring the inner light of Christ
from shining through our lives to those around us.
God wants us to recognize how much these things
obscure the life of Christ within us. He wants us to crumble into a heap of
self-abhorance, one of complete dependence on the mercy and grace of God.
He wants us to realize that inside each one of us is the ability to
commit any disgusting sin that we abhor in others, that it is true that
when we point a finger at someone else, 3 fingers are pointing back at
ourselves. But always remember, one finger is still left in this example,
to point up to God, the way of escape, the refuge from sin and the source
of all holiness.
As it is recorded in Job, after all the
suffering and self-examination that Job went through, he finally turns to God
and admits...
Job 42:1-6
(KJV)
Then Job answered the LORD, and
said,
{2} I know that thou
canst do every thing,
and that no
thought can be withholden from thee.
{3} Who is he
that hideth counsel without knowledge?
therefore have I uttered
that which I understood not;
things too wonderful for me, which
I knew not.
{4} Hear, I beseech thee,
and I will speak:
I will demand of thee, and declare
thou unto me.
{5} I have heard of thee by
the hearing of the ear:
but now mine eye seeth
thee.
{6} Wherefore I abhor
myself, and repent in dust and ashes.
Job confesses that the
experience of God that he had previously, was superficial...even though it was
enough for God to proclaim him as "a good man who fears God and will have
nothing to do with evil". After going through all the trauma and suffering and
pain, he describes his former spiritual experience as if he only
had second-hand knowledge about God before. His was a superficial
experience, one based on the teachings and testimonies of others. But now his
experinece of God is real, as if face to face, person to person.
And now his estimation of his own self has also
changed...he sees the Holiness and Omnipotence of God, and his own loathesome
sinfulness by comparison. Much like Isaiah's experience, when he was confronted
with the Holiness of God..
(Isa
6:1-5 KJV)
In the year that
king Uzziah died
I saw also the Lord
sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up,
and his train filled
the temple.
{2} Above it stood
the seraphims:
each one had six
wings; with twain he covered his face,
and with twain he
covered his feet, and with twain he did fly.
{3} And one cried
unto another, and said,
Holy, holy, holy, is the
LORD of hosts: the whole earth is full of his glory.
{4} And the posts of the
door moved at the voice of him that cried,
and the house was
filled with smoke.
{5} Then said I, Woe
is me! for I am undone;
because I am a man
of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean
lips:
for mine eyes have
seen the King, the LORD of hosts.
WHAT DO WE DO IN THE
MEANTIME
First of all, don't blame, criticise, accuse,
other people, or even ourselves. Realize that just because bad things are
happening to you or a loved one, it may NOT mean that there is some sin lurking
in the person's life who is undergoing suffering. As in the story of
Job, his so-called friends, rather than actually comforting him, end up accusing
him of some hidden sin or flaw that brought on his suffering. The fact that
God disapproved of these false accusations was clearly shown as God admonished
them for their lack of understanding and compassion with these words:
Job 42:7
(KJV)
And it was so, that
after the LORD had spoken these words unto Job,
the LORD said to Eliphaz the
Temanite(one of the false accusers),
My wrath is kindled against thee,
and against thy two friends:
for ye have not spoken of me
the thing that is right,
as my servant Job
hath.
Rather view a time of tragedy or suffering as a
"wake-up call" for yourself, and for all of those involved. Even though we
may have been growing in prosperity or worldly maturity, God may be calling us
to start growing inwardly, spiritually, in dimensions of holiness, committment
and service. Oftentimes, the means of this growth is the pathway of
suffering.
(Job 1:20-22 KJV)
Then Job
arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head,
and fell
down upon the ground, and worshipped,
{21} And
said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither:
the LORD
gave, and the LORD hath taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD.
{22} In all
this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.
ALLOW YOURSELF
TO GRIEVE
Job's first response was to cry
out in grief, but then to immediately fall down on the ground in worship, and
focus his attention on God. He took an attitude of submission to the
sovereign will of God. He sat in silence for 7 days, saying nothing, meditating
and rehearsing all the traumatic events that had just befallen him. I suggest
that in the midst of a traumatic experience or tragedy, we must focus our
attention as never before on the Person of God...in repentence, and humble
submission, seeking a new relationship of closeness to Jesus Christ, calling out
to Him for mercy.
TALK IT OUT
Job 7:11 (KJV)
Therefore I will not
refrain my mouth;
I will speak in the
anguish of my spirit;
I will complain in
the bitterness of my soul.
Job's next set of responses was
to talk and reminisce within a circle of his trusted friends his
feelings, doubts, loss, sadness. Even though his friends didnt really "get it",
and they accused him falsely of sins he never committed, He talked over
everything. He complained about everything, cursed his own existence, and his
own troubles. He expressed all the deep despair and hopelessness that was in his
heart...verse after verse, chapter upon chapter...putting into words all the
pain and anguish that was inside his own heart...not hiding it or bottling it
up. He put it into words and sentences his pain and grief, where he could
look at them and ventilate them, where others could share in the pain
of his trauma.
Here is another suggestion
to anyone affected by a terrible tragedy...seek out a trusted friend or a
very few friends, or cousellors at church or other professionals, and ventilate
all your pent up pain, frustration, anger...all of it. Or go to a private place
and talk outloud and verbally to God. Try to concentrate on your own reaction to
all of this rather than on the tragedy itself. You cannot find any verse in all
of the Book of Job where Job says, "O, my little children, killed by a mighty
wind from God", or any other reference to the actual
losses he suffered, but everything was a ventilation of his own emotional
response to it, good and bad; because that is apparently where the real injury
lies, in the thoughts and doubts and responses of the heart to a tragedy. And
apparently that is where the healing lies also, and not in concentrating on or
remembering the traumatic event itself, but in dealing with the response that
you had to it.
RE-FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON THE
SOVEREIGNTY AND GOODNESS OF GOD
Eventually Job got back to
focussing on God, and recognizing the sovereignty of God from His creation and
His goodness. It is then that the real healing and re- ordering of his life took
place. Having talked to himself, his friends, and his wife, he eventually got to
talking TO God, not just ABOUT God. It is this place that God wants us to
arrive...face to face with God, in submission and worship.
Exo 33:11 (KJV)
And the LORD spake
unto Moses face to face,
as a man speaketh
unto his friend.
Judg 6:22 (KJV)
And when Gideon perceived that
he was an angel of the LORD, Gideon said,
Alas, O Lord GOD!
for because I have seen an angel
of the LORD face to face. 1 Cor 13:12 (KJV)
For now we see
through a glass, darkly;
but then face to
face:
now I know in
part;
but then
shall I know even as also I am known.
May you never have to go through a deep spirit-wrenching tragedy.
But if you must, may your focus be on the Living God who who gives this
gracious invitation by Jesus Christ to all those who suffer tragedies or
are worn out by the circumstances of life: Mat 11:28-29
(KJV)
Come unto me,
all ye that labour and are
heavy laden,
and I will give you rest.
{29} Take my yoke upon you,
and learn of me;
for I am meek and lowly in
heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your
souls.
In Christ....brother
bob......<><
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In Christ.....brother
bob.......<>< For more information, please visit our home page http://www.nazerene.com
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