[To all those that said this draft was ready, really?]

Hi Mahesh,

Thanks for the update.  I found some more issues.  Some must be fixed, 
others are nits, and might be caught by the RFC Editor.  But I think
that it's embarrassing to receive comments for such things from the 
IESG, as is recently the case for the syslog draft, so please see 
what you can do.


>From Idnits:

  ** There are 6 instances of too long lines in the document, the longest one
     being 7 characters in excess of 72.

  You wrote before that it was "Fixed", but it's still here?  Note: "**" is
  an error (idnits label)

  -- The document has examples using IPv4 documentation addresses according
     to RFC6890, but does not use any IPv6 documentation addresses.  Maybe
     there should be IPv6 examples, too?

  I don't feel strongly about this, but if it's easy enough to do...

In the Abstract:
  - I think the word "an" is missing (e.g., an ACL)

In the Introduction:
  - should "ordered-by-user" be "ordered-by user" to avoid confusion, or 
perhaps say it another way?
  - what does "a tuple of" mean?  Can this be restated?
  - s/In case vendor supports it/In case a vendor supports it/ ?
  - "The list of X is endless depending on...".  Is "endless" the right word, 
perhaps restate?
  - same sentence as above, should "networked devices" be "network" or 
"networking" devices?

In Section 3:
  - "A network system usually have a list of ACLs"  (s/system/systems/ or 
  - "The match criteria consist of packet header matching" - is consist the 
right word?
  - "It as also possible for ACE to match on metadata"  s/as/is/ and s/ACE/an 
  - "When applied to interfaces of a networked device, the ACL is applied in a 
     which indicates if it should be applied to packet entering (input) or 
leaving the
     device (output)."  - restate to talk about "ingress" and "egress"?
  - "An example in the appendix shows how to express it in YANG model." - 
either this
    is not true, or the sentence should not be at the end of this paragraph

In Section 3.1:
  - s/and must statements/and 'must' statements/
  - s/define new "matches" choice/define a new "matches" choice/ ?

In Section 4.1:
  - "ietf-access-control-list" is the standard top level module for access lists
      - what does this mean?
  - The "access-lists" container stores a list of "acl". - s/stores/has or 
  - "...that can be used to determine which rule was matched upon" - not sure 
if this
    part is needed, or maybe better restated ", which can later be used to 
  - s/ability for ACL's to be/ability for ACLs to be/

In Section 4.1 (in the YANG module):
  - A number of identities read "ACL that primarily matches...".  Is "primarily"
    an accurate word? - if so, then do we need to say anything about when it's
    not the case?  Separately, s/ACL/an ACL/?
  - A number of features read "Device can support..." - s/Device/The device/?
  - "It can have one or more Access Control Lists" - lists should be singular.
  - "An Access Control List(ACL)" - put a space before (ACL)
  - " Indicates the primary intended" - here's that word "primary" again...
  - s/a list of access-list-entries(ACE)/ a list of access-list-entry nodes 
  - s/List of access list entries(ACE)/List of access list entry nodes (ACE)/?
      - there is more than one instance of this in the model
  - "../../../../type" - still some long relative XPaths
  - " or referring to a group of source ports" - this isn't there yet.  I think 
    want to say something like "this is a choice so as to support future 'case'
    statements, such as one enabling a group of source ports to be referenced"
  - ditto for "or referring to a group of destination ports."
  - ditto on both of the above for the "udp" container
  - is it possible for both "egress-interface" and "ingress-interface" leafs to 
    be specified at the same time?  - if not, should there a 'must' statement to
    prevent that possibility? - or an explanation for what happens if it occurs?
  - s/The ACL's applied/The ACLs applied/   (this happens more than once in 

In Section 4.2:
  - references them by "uses" --> references them by 'uses' statements  ???
  - not all your 'reference' statements have the title of the referenced 
  - "then the datagram must be destroyed" - s/destroyed/dropped/?
  - "or referring to a group of ..."  - same comments as for previous module
  - "ece" is missing a 'reference' statement?  - 
  - "Indicates that the Urgent pointer field is significant" - urgent is
    capitalized, but there's no context as for why.  Perhaps missing a
    reference statement too?
  - in "window-size" leaf description, remove parentheses

In Section 4.3:
  - the text says that it drops traffic from X to Y, but the example seems to do
    the reverse.

In Section 4.4:
  - The "With the follow XML example:" <EXAMPLE> "This represents..." is 
    difficult to read.  How about just having "The following XML example ...:"?
  - does the second example provide any value of the first? - seems the same to 
  - seems like example 3 could also be expressed as 
    right?  - the text at the beginning of the section says this construct is
    possible, but there is no example for it.  Maybe this makes a better ex #2?

In all your YANG modules:
  - replace "NETMOD (NETCONF Data Modeling Language)" with "NETMOD (Network 
    Modeling) Working Group"

In Section ??:
  In the examples, why did you add the "<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>"
  line and the "config" element?  - the examples validate equally well when
  these are removed.

In Section 6:
  - s/three YANG module/three YANG modules/

In Section 6.1:
  - The first paragraph says "three URI", but it should be "three URIs"

In Section A.1:
  - "The following figure is the tree structure" - should say "tree diagram" and
    should reference the tree-diagrams draft, or else have a draft-wide "Tree
    Diagram Notation" section in the Introduction.
  - s/In other example/In another example/?
  - s/with new choice of actions/with a new choice of actions/?

In Section A.3;
  - some 'reference' statements are missing titles
  - some 'description' statements might benefit from a 'reference' statement
  - "The uint16 type placeholder type..." - is this a typo?


===== original message ======

This version of the draft addresses comments raised during LC, shepherd review 
and other comments received during that period.

> On Mar 3, 2018, at 2:13 PM, internet-dra...@ietf.org wrote:
> A New Internet-Draft is available from the on-line Internet-Drafts 
> directories.
> This draft is a work item of the Network Modeling WG of the IETF.
>        Title           : Network Access Control List (ACL) YANG Data Model
>        Authors         : Mahesh Jethanandani
>                          Lisa Huang
>                          Sonal Agarwal
>                          Dana Blair
>       Filename        : draft-ietf-netmod-acl-model-17.txt
>       Pages           : 57
>       Date            : 2018-03-03
> Abstract:
>   This document defines a data model for Access Control List (ACL).
>   ACL is a ordered-by-user set of rules, used to configure the
>   forwarding behavior in device.  Each rule is used to find a match on
>   a packet, and define actions that will be performed on the packet.
> The IETF datatracker status page for this draft is:
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__datatracker.ietf.org_doc_draft-2Dietf-2Dnetmod-2Dacl-2Dmodel_&d=DwICAg&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=9zkP0xnJUvZGJ9EPoOH7Yhqn2gsBYaGTvjISlaJdcZo&m=huBe-BRKk8B5XCRf7lG_gWUwZNr67SAA8GHfgYnyZoc&s=44GJlqxqB0YK5G9gb1TUzAobugMHxDWflaPCZ3IYpKA&e=
> There are also htmlized versions available at:
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__tools.ietf.org_html_draft-2Dietf-2Dnetmod-2Dacl-2Dmodel-2D17&d=DwICAg&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=9zkP0xnJUvZGJ9EPoOH7Yhqn2gsBYaGTvjISlaJdcZo&m=huBe-BRKk8B5XCRf7lG_gWUwZNr67SAA8GHfgYnyZoc&s=rbm91SSJ_0sxFxb692d0FH0G-dbBTAUCf2KRySyztJQ&e=
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__datatracker.ietf.org_doc_html_draft-2Dietf-2Dnetmod-2Dacl-2Dmodel-2D17&d=DwICAg&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=9zkP0xnJUvZGJ9EPoOH7Yhqn2gsBYaGTvjISlaJdcZo&m=huBe-BRKk8B5XCRf7lG_gWUwZNr67SAA8GHfgYnyZoc&s=siypyBn3F8o6bsB3Z3E5qS0uaSq2EUGUPwirx_a_KDw&e=
> A diff from the previous version is available at:
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.ietf.org_rfcdiff-3Furl2-3Ddraft-2Dietf-2Dnetmod-2Dacl-2Dmodel-2D17&d=DwICAg&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=9zkP0xnJUvZGJ9EPoOH7Yhqn2gsBYaGTvjISlaJdcZo&m=huBe-BRKk8B5XCRf7lG_gWUwZNr67SAA8GHfgYnyZoc&s=t2lpzSSW72BvQK1VjPoxX0ADxhb9ZD0fp3fXqcd80g8&e=
> Please note that it may take a couple of minutes from the time of submission
> until the htmlized version and diff are available at tools.ietf.org.
> Internet-Drafts are also available by anonymous FTP at:
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=ftp-3A__ftp.ietf.org_internet-2Ddrafts_&d=DwICAg&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=9zkP0xnJUvZGJ9EPoOH7Yhqn2gsBYaGTvjISlaJdcZo&m=huBe-BRKk8B5XCRf7lG_gWUwZNr67SAA8GHfgYnyZoc&s=xP7z9VxUgtOtSVIgqPF5RKIqTOi6wj-HEXvZKBRTiUw&e=
> _______________________________________________
> netmod mailing list
> netmod@ietf.org
> https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.ietf.org_mailman_listinfo_netmod&d=DwICAg&c=HAkYuh63rsuhr6Scbfh0UjBXeMK-ndb3voDTXcWzoCI&r=9zkP0xnJUvZGJ9EPoOH7Yhqn2gsBYaGTvjISlaJdcZo&m=huBe-BRKk8B5XCRf7lG_gWUwZNr67SAA8GHfgYnyZoc&s=OKIVLXLo0Rsrf1DSoLWSyHj97DuE6vuaJ4Cqk_oi1HA&e=

Mahesh Jethanandani

netmod mailing list

netmod mailing list

Reply via email to