Certainly in the course of UUG elections, my opponents will attempt to deride me, and I have already anticipated the most likely method of attack: my name.
It is no mystery to many of you that my name is not Scott, but Rather SCO++. This fact was brought forth against my will last election, which caused my loss that year. However, I announce today that I will leverage my true identity for the benefit of the club when you elect me president. I will: 1. Provide a more secure, stable, and reliable club environment. 2. Provide up-to-date services and features, which are light years ahead of those currently offered by my opponents. 3. Protect you, my constituents, from the slander and danger that comes from operating under illegitimate Presidencies. Also: 1. Provide you with current Linux licenses.[1] 2. Provide full indemnification against IP issues, allowing you to run Linux without fear of legal reprisal. 3. Continue to defend the American Constitution by fighting those communistic Linux users who refuse to admit that they have stolen my intellectual property and used it in their monolithic kernel.[2] In Addition: 1. Finally produce T-shirts, unlike many past presidents 2. Bring in more developers to speak to us. 3. Continue to foster relationships with the PLUG, SLLUG, uvlug, and other local groups to enhance the quality of our meetings. 4. Continue to mock BYUSA whenever possible. 5. Drink Dr. Pepper with reckless abandon. 6. Steak![3] I promise that your confidence in me as my constituents is well founded, and you will be rewarded greatly when your vote is cast for me. Finally, I announce that the McNabb dynasty is not over, I will take the steps to legally change my name to SCO++ Paul McNabb, let the dynasty live on forever! SCO++ [1] For a small[4] fee. [2] As we all know that the kernel I provide is superior [3] For a very small[5] fee. [4] $650 per processor [5] ~$8 per pound of meat. -- SCO++ Paul McNabb Vote For SCO++ GnuPG FingerPrint: 09ab 64b5 edc0 903e 93ce edb9 3bcc f8fb dc5d 7601
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