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********************************** Hey, Kids. Here's a double-issue of News & Views to make up for missing yesterday. And if you haven't yet added a "voluntary subscription" to News & Views to your holiday gift-giving basket, please take a minute to visit http://chuckmuth.com/voluntarysubscription.htm. *********************************** Won't You Take Me To...Pelosi-town "Workers at the nation's only unionized peep show walked the picket line this week (in San Francisco), arguing that a contract offer by management at the Lusty Lady was too skimpy. Wearing pink t-shirts that read, 'Bad girls like good contracts,' dancers banged on pots Monday and chanted, 'Two, four, six, eight, pay me more to gyrate.' " - "American Scene," 12/4/02 *********************************** Reagan the "Greatest," Clinton Sucks Eggs "The Gipper still rocks. Ronald Reagan topped the 'greatest living American' list in a new Esquire magazine survey released this week. . . . (Bill) Clinton headed the list of 'most loathsome living American.' " - Jennifer Harper, Washington Times, 12/4/02 *********************************** NOW He Tells Us "Al Qaeda should be our top priority." - Former President Bill Something-or-Other at New York University on Tuesday *********************************** The Chutzpah King "If you were a Democrat, wouldn't you just want to shake Clinton? Here's what I'd be saying: 'Hey Bill: YOU decided not to retaliate forcefully when Saddam Hussein tried to murder your predecessor, our 41st president. YOU decided that the right way to stop North Korea from getting a nuclear bomb was to lavish them with aid - and then YOU decided to ignore the evidence that they were cheating. YOU issued the rules that crippled our intelligence agencies. YOU decided that your top priority for the military was social engineering, not fighting. YOU refused to take custody of bin Laden when he was offered up to you. YOU decided to fight terrorism by, as President Bush 43 so vividly put it, by firing million-dollar missiles at $10 empty tents and hitting a camel in the butt. And now YOU tell US that WE lost the Congress because WE'RE seen as soft on national security. Ooooooooooooh.' It does make you wonder why there isn't a word for chutzpah in Arkansan." - Columnist David Frum, National Review Online *********************************** Analyze This "I'm a psychiatrist. I don't usually practice on camera. But this is the edge of looniness, this idea that there's a vast conspiracy, it sits in a building, it emanates, it has these tentacles, is really at the edge. He could use a little help." - Columnist Charles Krauthammer, "Fox News Sunday," on Al Gore's claim of a conservative media conspiracy being in cahoots with the Republican National Committee ********************************** Let's Make a Deal "It IS disagreeable to be criticized, misrepresented, lampooned and otherwise insulted by members of the press. Conservatives have been enduring it for centuries (OK, decades). But the overheated reaction of liberals to a dose of their own medicine is amazing - particularly considering that liberals still overwhelmingly dominate the media. "If the existence of Fox News, The Washington Times and Rush Limbaugh is so painful to Daschle, Gore and Co., let's propose a swap. If we give them those three outlets, they give us ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, PBS, MSNBC, CNBC, NPR, Time, Newsweek, The New York Times, The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, the Chicago Tribune, Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, the National Council of Churches, the American Bar Association, Hollywood...whew, I got carried away." - Columnist Mona Charen ********************************* Hot Books for Your Christmas List! Guaranteed conservative selections for the entire family -- click here and save: <http://www.conservativebookservice.com?sour_cd=CME007302> *********************************** Sen. Blow-dry Secure in His Pollster "I confess, as one plows through the 'Meet the Press' transcript (of Massachusetts Democrat Sen. John Kerry's Sunday interview), it is hard to find solid, specific policy assertions to comment on. My favorite Kerryism is found in the first few paragraphs when he claims: 'I think there's a deep anxiety in the American people about security, and they put it all under the word 'security' - job security, income security, retirement security, health security, education security, physical, personal security and, of course, national security.' That's nine times he squeezed the word security into one sentence. You don't suppose his pollsters have told him to use the word security as often as possible?" - Columnist Tony Blankley ********************************** Blame Muslim Dictators First "The problem in the Muslim world is not only theological. It is also the failure of governments to meet minimal human needs. Despite massive infusions of petro dollars, most people in nations run by Muslim authoritarians are poor and illiterate. Their poverty is not the fault of the West. As with the Cold War, dictators change the subject and blame their people's misery on 'outsiders' and the rich nations of the West." - Columnist Cal Thomas *********************************** Holy Cal! "Cal Thomas, the country's most widely syndicated op-ed columnist, was handed a terrific birthday present yesterday when Fox News Channel announced a new Saturday night television talk show, 'After Hours,' to be hosted by the outspoken commentator. . . . And talk about landing an influential inaugural guest, Mr. Thomas will welcome Vice President Richard B. Cheney when the show debuts Saturday at 11 p.m." - John McCaslin's "Inside the Beltway," 12/3/02 *********************************** And Then Jim Jeffords Said. In a post-election analysis column appearing in this week's The Hill, Vermont Sen. James Jeffords wrote that. Wait a minute. Who cares? Never mind. ********************************** Living In Denial In another column in this week's edition of The Hill, Nevada Democrat Sen. Harry Reid is coping with his Post-Election Stress Disorder by simply living in denial. "The upcoming 108th Congress offers (Senate Democrats) opportunities to build on the successes achieved during the past year," he writes, with, we assume, a straight face, "as well as to make progress in areas where we were blocked." Guess it all depends on your definition of "success," huh Senator? And it sure takes a lot of chutzpah to claim your agenda this past year was "blocked." In case you missed it, your party didn't HAVE an agenda...other than to obstruct the President's agenda. But here's his best line... Reid is one of the fiercest partisans in Congress, yet he writes that, "There is no incentive for partisan bickering or blame and no need to try to delay good legislation as an effort to score points and generate campaign issues." Yeah, right. Can we hold you to that, Senator? ********************************** The Party of "No" "Of their top possible (2004 Democrat presidential) candidates - Gore, Kerry, Lieberman, Daschle, Gephardt, Edwards, Davis, Dean - all but Edwards have made clear that they are going to campaign on what might be called the Sorehead Platform: We were robbed in 2000! Roger Ailes wouldn't let us get our message out in '02! No to everything that has happened since - no to tax cuts, no to military action in Iraq, no to homeland security, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, and we almost forgot: all that talk about increasing energy production here in North America? No to that too." - Columnist David Frum, National Review Online ********************************* The Party of Drunken Sailors "In truth, the fuel that runs the Democratic Party is spending. The party exists mainly to take money out of some peoples' pockets and put it into others. There is no problem imaginable that Democrats cannot find a new government programs to deal with." - Columnist Bruce Bartlett ************************************ Long Savings on Long Distance! Just 4.97 cents per minute (5.97 cents for some non-regional bell companies) * All state-to-state calls in the continental U.S. * Residential or commercial * 6-second billing increments after the first 18 seconds * 24 hours/day * 7 days/week * No access codes * No minimums * No activation fees * No monthly service charge unless your bill is less than $20.00 a month (then a $2.50 service charge will apply) * No need to change your local phone company * No hassles * Easy sign-up. *And a small portion of each bill goes to help continue publishing our FREE Chuck Muth's News & Views e-newsletter. go to <http://www.GOPLongDistance.com> today. ********************************* Idiot Professor Drummed Off Campus Do you remember that jackass professor at the University of New Mexico who said in the aftermath of September 11, "Anyone who can blow up the Pentagon has my vote"? Well, public outrage ultimately forced Prof. Richard Berthold to apologize and the university barred him from teaching freshmen. Nonetheless, it appears some people on campus haven't been so willing to just forgive and forget. Berthold announced this week that "constant harassment by persons in authority at the university is now driving me into retirement." To which we simply reply: Whew! Thank goodness. Good-bye. Good riddance. Don 't let the door hit your sorry butt on the way out. You left-wing lunatic loser. I'm sorry. Was that insensitive? ********************************* How Democrats Win Elections: Grand Theft "Republicans say they were robbed of the Maine Senate because Democrats successfully challenged ballots with votes cast by pen instead of pencil and ballots with Mickey Mouse as a write-in for a judge's race. "A recount was called for the open race between Republican Leslie Fossel and Democrat Christopher Hall. As a result, 44 ballots were disputed and not counted. Mr. Hall, who will be sworn in today, has a nine-vote lead. The disputed ballots would have given the victory to Mr. Fossel by five votes. Martha Frink, Mr. Fossel's campaign manager, called it 'grand election theft.' "...There are 35 seats in the state Senate, split between the parties 17-17. When Mr. Hall is sworn in today, Democrats will have control 18-17. This gives Democrats control of the House, Senate and governor's mansion for the first time since 1986." - Washington Times, 12/4/02 ********************************** Hate Speech? Nah. "A (black) Vanderbilt University professor has stirred outrage in Dixie by declaring that Confederates were 'cowards masquerading as civilized men' who should have been executed at the end of the Civil War. 'Every Confederate soldier deserved not a hallowed resting place at the end of his days but a reservation at the end of the gallows,' Jonathan David Farley, an assistant professor of mathematics, wrote in a commentary in the Tennessean, Nashville's largest newspaper. The United Daughters of the Confederacy (UDC), the professor wrote, is an organization that 'honors traitors.' " - Washington Times, 12/3/02 [If you want to waste your time responding to this this bitter racist, dial him up at: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ] ********************************** New Elephant "Mississippi Lt. Gov. Amy Tuck switched to the Republican Party yesterday, confirming political rumors that had circulated for months." - Greg Pierce's "Inside Politics," 12/3/02 ********************************** Black Elephants "The joke being swapped here at the National Lieutenant Governors Association conference is that the group's members do nothing but drive around all day with a Bible, waiting for the governor to die or resign so they can finally get some attention. But two of the nation's newly elected lieutenant governors - Maryland's Michael S. Steele and Ohio's Jennette Bradley - are poised to smash that stereotype. "The pair share two key characteristics: They will be the nation's only black lieutenant governors, and they're Republicans. Over the next two years, the White House and the GOP hierarchy are expected to shower them with attention. With Oklahoma Rep. J.C. Watts retiring from Congress, Steele and Bradley become the nation's highest-ranking elected black Republicans." - Baltimore Sun, 12/4/02 ********************************** New Chief Elephant "GOP insiders are touting Florida's Al Cardenas as a successor to Marc Racicot, the former Montana governor who is retiring as chairman of the Republican National Committee. Racicot has chosen not to seek another term. Cardenas, 54, plans to step down next month as chairman of the Florida Republican Party." - The Hill, 12/4/02 ********************************** Father Knows Best? "The Boston Globe reports that Catholic Church documents reveal Robert V. Meffan, a Boston-area priest, 'initiated sexual acts with teenagers preparing to become nuns by encouraging them to believe they were making love to Jesus Christ himself.' "In an interview with the Globe, Meffan admits the allegations are true, but cites the Clinton defense: 'What I was trying to show them is that Christ is human and you should love him as a human being,' said Meffan, 73, reached by phone at his Carver home. 'Don't think he's up there and he's spiritual and he's not human and physical. He's human, he's physical. That's what I was trying to point out to them. I felt that by having this little bit of intimacy with them that this is what it would be like with Christ.' "But Meffan said he put limits on the physical nature of the relationships. He touched the girls' breasts, for example, but stopped short of intercourse to protect his celibacy vow. 'I don't think that was destroyed,' Meffan said, 'because I always felt that to destroy celibacy you really had to have intercourse.' " - Best of the Web, 12/5/02 ********************************** Whahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Jason Abbitt, 15, signed up with the Vallejo (Calif.) Babe Ruth Baseball League. But Jason didn't get to play as much as he thought he should. 'It got tiring,' he said. 'I just sat there. During the season, you had to dig a hole to find my self-esteem, it was so low.' He says last year 'I played less than 10 percent of the games. At the end of the year, [the coach] promised I'd be a starting player.' "Hoping for improvement, he signed up again. This year, he says, he played 'maybe 20 percent of the total innings.' But he didn't like the position he was assigned. 'I would like to have played second base, but when I did play, [the coach] stuck me out in right field because nothing gets hit out there.' Double the play time wasn't good enough for Jason, who batted just .083 this year, versus the best hitter's .368 -- he figures he sat on the bench during 80 percent of the games. 'That's why I'm suing for 80 percent of the sign-up fee.' "That's right: since Jason paid $85 to sign up, and figures he didn't play 80 percent of the time, he sued the league in small claims court for about 80 percent of the sign-up fee he paid: $65 plus court costs. ".'The big picture is he's a kid and he has feelings,' Jason's father, David, said. 'He's not paying to sit on the bench.' He complains the coaches are too focused on winning. 'At this age it's not about winning or losing; it's about having fun. About heading into adulthood. [But] the coaches tend to think it's always the seventh game of the World Series.' " - Randy Cassingham, www.StellaAwards.com ********************************* Muth's Truths Chuck Muth and an atheist on the same side? Well, sort of. Read all about it in the latest "Muth's Truths" op/ed. Just go to: www.chuckmuth.com/muthstruths.htm. ********************************* Thinking Of Throwing Your Hat In the Ring? Don't make the same mistakes most first-time candidates make. Read the FREE special reports on the RIGHT way to make the decision to seek public office, what to do first, what to do second - and what NOT to do. Just go to: http://chuckmuth.com/reports.htm ********************************* ********************************* Published by The Goldwater Club Chuck Muth Editor/Publisher P.O. Box 19893 Alexandria, VA 22320 E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] The opinions and views expressed in Chuck Muth's News & Views reflect those of the writers, editors and columnists therein and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the sponsors, advertisers ... heck, even some of our readers. To be REMOVED, go to: http://www.chuckmuth.com/newsletter/ and complete the removal request instructions you'll find there. Or send your request to [EMAIL PROTECTED] # # #
