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**************************************** IQ A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "130." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool." Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about football, baseball, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool." A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?" The man replied, "70." The robot then said, "So, what's the Democrat Party up to these days?" **************************************** How to Subscribe If you know someone who might like to receive News & Views, you can sign 'em up at: http://www.chuckmuth.com. **************************************** To Tell the Truth "All the TV shows are full of Democrats all furious, criticizing President Bush for the State of the Union Address. They said he exaggerated some of the facts. See, that's something Bill Clinton never did. Clinton never stretched the truth; Clinton never even came close to the truth." - Tonight Show host Jay Leno **************************************** There Go the Book Profits "A federal appeals court panel said yesterday that the federal government is not obligated to pay the legal fees of former President Bill Clinton and his wife, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, for their defense in the seven-year, $70 million Whitewater investigation. "The three-judge panel, sitting as a 'special division of the court' that oversaw the appointment of independent counsels, unanimously ruled that a petition by the Clintons for reimbursement of $3.5 million in attorneys fees and costs 'is not well taken" and ordered that the request be denied.'" - Washington Times, 7/16/03 **************************************** Yikes...Here's a Visual for Ya! "Dear Chuck: I am an airline captain for a major airline here in the US. Regarding the Transportation Security Administration's new shoe inspections, I have often commented to my co-pilots that it is a good thing that Robert Reid did not put the bomb up his butt. Imagine the scene at the screening points if he had. Not a pretty thought." - News & Views reader Jay Schablik of Maryville, TN **************************************** Era of Limited Government Over? "One thing is certain: those who worked and voted for less government, the very foot soldiers in the conservative revolution, have been deceived. Today, the ideal of limited government has been abandoned by the GOP, and real conservatives find their views no longer matter." - Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas), The Federalist, 7/16/03 **************************************** Daschle's Goodfellas "Talon News originally investigated accusations of bias at South Dakota's largest newspaper, the Sioux Falls Argus Leader. Information gained as a result of that investigation uncovered what one public official described as a 'Sopranos-style' pattern of systematic political intimidation by some members of Daschle's staff and campaign. . . . An elected official speaking to Talon News under condition of anonymity said, 'People in South Dakota are afraid to talk about the Mafia tactics and intimidation by the Daschle campaign precisely because of their Mafia tactics and intimidation.'" - Talon News, 7/15/03 **************************************** Snob Appeal New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg - the Democrat who became a Republican just to avoid a Democrat primary - is now revealing himself to be rather a snob, as well. Bloomy has suggested it was OK for folks to sip wine at an outdoor concert of the New York Philharmonic in Central Park but not OK to drink beer on Rockaway Beach at a Fourth of July fundraiser for victims of the 911 attacks. While people were popped for drinking beer at the fundraiser, not a single citation was issued at the concert, proving once again that some are more equal than others. **************************************** No-Class Action "A class action (lawsuit) against the Bank of Boston culminated in a settlement that awarded $8.64 to each class member but demanded that each pay $90.00 toward trial lawyer fees. Blockbuster settled a class action by paying $9.25 million to the class lawyers contrasted with paltry $1.00 coupons to each class member redeemable in future video rentals. Cheerios similarly rid itself of a class lawsuit by showering $2 million on trial lawyers coupled with coupon consolation prizes for class members worth a free box of cereal. Crayola dispatched a class action complaint over asbestos with a $600,000.00 check for trial lawyers and a 75-cent discount for class members if they purchased additional crayons. "With these and sister examples dancing in their heads, trial lawyers tirelessly search for class representatives to initiate class action lawsuits no matter how outlandish their legal claims. They know that once inside the courthouse door, they will instantly occupy the catbird's seat in negotiating a settlement that enriches them by leaving class members high and dry." - Columnist Bruce Fein ************************************ 4.75 cents-per-minute Long Distance * All state-to-state calls in the continental U.S. * Residential or commercial * 6-second billing increments * 24 hours/day * 7 days/week * No access codes * No minimums * No activation fees * Calling Card Rate is 10 cents per minute * No monthly service charge unless your bill is less than $20.00 a month (then a $1.99 service charge will apply) * No need to change your local phone company * No hassles * Easy sign-up. * And a small portion of each bill goes to help continue publishing our FREE Chuck Muth's News & Views e-newsletter. Just go to: <http://www.NewsandViewsLongDistance.com> today. **************************************** Drug Problem "I had a drug problem when I was young. I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals. I was drug to family reunions no matter what the weather. I was drug to the bus stop to go to school every weekday. I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults and teachers. I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents. Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in every thing I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin, and if today's children had this kind of drug problem, America might be a better place!" - News & Views reader Richard Keene of Edgewater, FL **************************************** Hating Miracle Workers "The Food and Drug Administration has just approved a drug to combat non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. That's good news for cancer patients in America and around the world. But you wouldn't know it, given the vicious political campaign being directed against the pharmaceutical industry. "America's drugmakers are under attack. Congressmen are pushing to cut prices and trim patent rights. Passage of a Medicare pharmaceutical will encourage Uncle Sam to regulate drug access and prices directly. . . . Trial attorneys, left-wing activists, and state attorneys general are filing lawsuits charging pharmaceutical firms with everything from racketeering to fraud. "This assault is not new. Drug companies have been under pressure for a decade. When the Clinton administration attempted to nationalize American health care, it sought to demonize the drugmakers as well as most doctors and hospitals. Unfortunately, years of demagoguery advanced for political profit are having an impact. Public opinions of the industry have been falling sharply." - Doug Bandow of the Cato Institute **************************************** Chicken Medicine "Hey Chuck: I am currently receiving sodium hyaluronate injections in a knee joint. The stuff costs $378.45 for three 2 ml. vials (three shots). The doctor charges me $140 for three minutes in his office to use a $.50 syringe, a $.05 needle and an alcohol soaked wipe to inject 2 ml. of the stuff. That's $748.45 every six months. "I'd wager that the majority of the $140 goes to pay the doctors liability insurance thanks to our trial lawyers. The injection is something I could easily handle myself at home. The worst part of the whole process is that the medication is derived from the combs of chickens. You'd think for that price I'd at least get the whole chicken so I could have a decent meal for my money. Geese!" - News & Views reader Don Lehman of Lowville, N.Y. ****************************************** Affordable Campaign Websites! Now you can get professional-looking campaign web sites for as little as $10 a month. That's right...just ten smackeroos a month. Here's what's included in this fantastic new program from Campaign Secrets, Inc. (available ONLY to Republican candidates): * Free Hosting * Unique Domain Name * Personal Email Accounts * Credit Card Processing * Unlimited Edits * Event Calendar * Volunteer Sign-up Page * Built-in Bulk Emailer Campaign Site Builder can be used for political organizations and non-profits, as well. For more information, just go to: http://www.campaignsecrets.com/websites.asp *********************************** How to Subscribe If you know someone who might like to receive News & Views, you can sign 'em up at: http://www.chuckmuth.com. Also, occasionally, the automatic listserve we use will "bump" subscribers off the list if your mailbox is full or experiences some other technical glitch. If you suddenly stop receiving News & Views, the first thing you should do is try to re-subscribe using the link above. Published by Citizen Outreach Chuck Muth Editor/Publisher 611 Pennsylvania Avenue, SE, #439 Washington, DC 20003-4303 E-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Citizen Outreach is a 501(c)(3) non-profit public policy organization and does not endorse candidates or lobby for specific legislation. The opinions and views expressed in Chuck Muth's News & Views reflect those of the writers, editors and columnists therein and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Citizen Outreach, its officers, directors or employees. To be REMOVED, go to: http://www.chuckmuth.com/remove/default.cfm and complete the removal request instructions you'll find there. Or send your request to [EMAIL PROTECTED] # # #
