What a riot. Thanks Sherry! BTW - if you liked the motorcycle and squirrel story, the story's author (and a fellow sysadmin) Daniel Mayer has lots more like it (as well as a published book series) on his website at www.lifeisaroad.com.
Enjoy. Andrew On 7/17/09, Sherry Abercrombie <[email protected]> wrote: > Mr. Caesare, this is especially for you since you need a laugh or two to get > you through the long day/night you have scheduled. Warning, some may find > this politically, moraly or gender(ly) incorrect, but it's one of the > funniest things I've read since the squirrel & motorcycle story. (1, 3 & > 12 are my personal favorites). > > BANNED FROM WAL-MART > > This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. > > After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to > Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and > preferred to get in and get out. > > Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse. > Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local > Wal-Mart: > > Dear Mrs. Samsel, > > Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in > our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both > of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below > and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. > > 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts > when they weren't looking. > > 2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute > intervals. > > 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's > restroom. > > 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, > 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away. ' > > 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on > layaway. > > 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. > > 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other > shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from > the bedding department. > > 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him, he began crying and > screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' > > 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a > mirror while he picked his nose. > > 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked > the clerk where the antidepressants were. > > 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the > ' Mission Impossible' theme. > > 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by > using different sizes of funnels. > > 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, > yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' > > 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed > a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' > > And last, but not least . > > 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then > yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' > > > -- > Sherry Abercrombie > > "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." > Arthur C. Clarke > Sent from Haslet, TX, United States > > ~ Finally, powerful endpoint security that ISN'T a resource hog! ~ > ~ <http://www.sunbeltsoftware.com/Business/VIPRE-Enterprise/> ~ -- Sent from my mobile device ~ Finally, powerful endpoint security that ISN'T a resource hog! ~ ~ <http://www.sunbeltsoftware.com/Business/VIPRE-Enterprise/> ~
