Thanks, Winston. That poem by Thich Nhat Hanh was in my heart as I was writing that post yesterday. It's one of my favorites. I learned a lot from that poem. (For those who don't know, Winston sent only a small portion of the poem to the list. The full poem is longer.)
And I love your quote from St. Augustine. Beautifully said! A very nice summary of everything that matters. I think I'll hang on to that one. And your comment about paradoxes and the difficulty of attempting to reconcile them takes me to some recent reading I've done about Zen koans (like What is the sound of one hand clapping?). I've been pondering the author's comment that koans cannot be understood with our rational mind. We have to let go of mind and understand them from a deeper non-mind (or was it non-ego?) place. I wasn't seeing this conversation in that light before. Thanks for the insight. Julie -----Original Message----- From: OSLIST [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Winston Kinch Sent: Tuesday, September 23, 2003 4:52 AM To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Attachment and Detachment Thank you Julie. As always, you go deep. This question of attachment/detachment or in the terms I usually think of it, intentionality v/s letting go of outcome, is for me one of the most perplexing and fascinating paradoxes I face. Perhaps, like paradoxes everywhere, not to be resolved by trying to choose between or reconcile the (apparent) opposites, but by trying to 'hold the tension' ... One nicity which helps me is the distinction which (I believe) the Buddhists make between attachment and desire: that it is not the desire itself which is the cause of suffering but one's attachment to it... Your post, and its rumination on learning, brought back to me this powerful poem by Thich Nhat Hanh: I am the twelve year old girl refugee on a small boat who throws herself in the ocean after having been raped by a sea pirate and I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving. Please call me by my true name so I can wake up and the door of my heart can be left open, the door to compassion. Perhaps ol' St Augustine had it right after all: "Love and do as you will". With caring, Winston ----- Original Message ----- From: Julie Smith Sent: Monday, September 22, 2003 2:15 PM Subject: Attachment and Detachment Birgitt, you wrote Our Harmony Project was specifically a calling to those who work with 'opening space and holding space' to use their special gifts to assist in holding space for opportunities for Harmony. And the challenge for those hundreds of us who are now co-facilitating the holding of this space is to do so by holding steady with emotional detachment no matter what is happening in the world and to have NO attachment to outcome, just the same as we teach with working with Open Space Technology. And that is hard, as all those of you who facilitate OST meetings that you are inclined to feel emotional about well know. Your thoughts about "emotional detachment no matter what" made me think of my recent experience with youth during an OST event (where I was clearly not emotionally detached), and also John's recent post, where he said i appreciate what you are saying. i believe your words have great value. but, there are many many things that i confront regularly that i cannot appreciate, nor do i feel it appropriate to appreciate: torture and other violations of human rights. fortunately, many of us enjoy a life where such terror is nothing more than a distant grief. for all too many people, it is not distant at all. let us stay grounded in the reality of the whole and not of a certain portion. I see the truth and wisdom of detachment, and have practiced "no attachment to outcome" for many years. I also recognize our need to give and receive care and love, which I think is a form of attachment. We are in relationship with each other. We care what happens to each other. That is not detachment. So I find myself trying to find some resolution that honors the truth being expressed in both points of view. I think the "no attachment to outcome" applies to the choices people make, but not to the people themselves. It applies to the behavior, not the person. That means I can begin to practice acceptance and non-judgment. This is easier when I see behavior not as a reflection of the "goodness" or "badness" of a person, but simply as a reflection of their current understanding of the world, and therefore a reflection of their current learning needs. I can see that our behaviors have consequences, and that we are all constantly learning from every choice we make. That learning is a very good thing, and is perhaps the very reason for our being here. I have no desire to get in the way of our learning. I believe we have as many lifetimes as we need to learn what we came here to learn, so I am willing to accept even the worst atrocities as an accurate reflection of the learning needs of those who are involved. I can also see that my current learning need is to learn to transcend fear-based and non-loving responses. When I look through this lens, I can see that the harmful behavior of others provides me with opportunities to practice loving response in all situations. This is a lesson I have not yet mastered. So perhaps I feel some appreciation for the lessons that are available to all of us in every kind of situation. At the same time, I cannot ignore my heart-felt desire for the good of all. I care. I wouldn't have it any other way. If there is some giving or receiving that I can do that will help alleviate harm, or help myself and others progress a little more quickly in our understanding of the world, then I want to make that contribution. I am not detached from helping. If I can, I want to help. Sometimes I help with my silence, and sometimes with my words. Sometimes with my invisibility, and sometimes with my visibility. If I can't help, I want to do no harm to anyone, including those who are inflicting harm on others. I find myself feeling very attached to our individual and collective learning and growth. I'm not concerned about the outcome because I think that is a certainty, but I think it matters that I actively engage in the learning process while I'm here. I don't think we're supposed to detach from that. I think we're supposed to detach from worldly desires, but not from inner growth and understanding. For me, the important thing is the quality of acceptance and non-judgment. To see our behavior as indicators of what we need to learn, not as a reflection of our goodness or badness. Always, always love the person. Detach from judgment of outward behavior. Don't detach from the learning and inner growth which leads to wisdom and truth. Back to yin and yang, I guess. Attachment and detachment. Speaking and silence. Visibility and invisibility. Finding wholeness in the whole. This doesn't feel complete, but I can't quite capture whatever it is that is missing, and the day calls ~ Julie * * ========================================================== [email protected] ----------------------------- To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected], Visit: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html * * ========================================================== [email protected] ----------------------------- To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected], Visit: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html * * ========================================================== [email protected] ------------------------------ To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected], Visit: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html * * ========================================================== [email protected] ------------------------------ To subscribe, unsubscribe, change your options, view the archives of [email protected], Visit: http://listserv.boisestate.edu/archives/oslist.html
