Dear Doris and you other tender and friendly folks out there,

"Tend and Befriend" is always a basic response, crisis or not.

But since crisis is a basic prerequisite for the unfolding of time and space for selforganisation "Tend and Befriend" also unfolds more freely.

In os events that deal with urgent matters, "tend and befriend" is always present. In the context of such gatherings it is usually not perceived as something special by participants.

Facilitators, however, busy with doing nothing, do observe it every time. There are even attempts to have the paricipants increase their awareness of this by ending an os event with reflections along the medicine wheel. Which, as I discovered, is a grand way of looking at such elements as vision, management, community and leadership... but rarely gets much attention by participants. They already know all that. And I guess, they are more interested to get busy on the actions they just worked on.

Greetings from Berlin, where I see "Tend and Befriend" abound... to the astonishment of the folks in charge who see stuff happening they felt responsible for....

Cheers and enjoy tending and befriending and being tended and befriendet

mmp
Am 20.04.2020 um 11:13 schrieb Doris Gottlieb via OSList:
Dear Peggy,

Thank you for sending the article and  for reminding me about Tend and Befriend as one of the basic responses of humans in crisis and stress. It is so valuable to expand my noticing in working in times of crisis to include this frame and look for where and how it happens.

With love and gratitude,

Doris

On Sun, Apr 19, 2020 at 1:36 AM agusj via OSList <[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>> wrote:

    Hi Peggy!

    Thanks for share this The psychologist, Shelley Taylor, working with
    a team of women, found women tended to respond differently. They
    took care of the vulnerable and worked together.

    I love it! I knew in my profound self that there should be another way.

    Thanks a lot!

    Warm regards

    Agustín


    On Thursday, April 16, 2020, 04:16:09 PM GMT-5, Peggy Holman via
    OSList <[email protected]
    <mailto:[email protected]>> wrote:


    Hi Michael,

    Thanks for opening this conversation. I’ve been thinking about
    something similar, with a slightly different emphasis. I’ve been
    struck by how frequently I’m hearing “we’re all in this together”.
    So I’ve been thinking about how it is a time of both personal
    responsibility AND a sense of the greater good that has never
    existed in my lifetime. (We’re about the same age.) Even talk of
    sacrifice. Something I recall my parents talking about from their
    youth in World War 2.

    Something that has intersected this mulling has been watching the
    amazing amount of constructive journalism happening right now.
    Practical, responsive, listening to the questions from the public.
    And, of course, the generosity of people self-organizing to help others.

    One last element in my thinking about this: "tend and befriend"
    rather than "fight or flight.” In brief, in 2000, a woman
    psychologist looked at the research that led to coining the phrase
    fight or flight to characterize human response to threat or stress.
    Turns out, like much of that early social science research, it was
    done primarily with men. The psychologist, Shelley Taylor, working
    with a team of women, found women tended to respond differently.
    They took care of the vulnerable and worked together.

    With nowhere to run, I see much of the response to Coronavirus
    following the pattern of tend and befriend. It’s a trend I’d sure
    like to see made conscious and furthered. I wrote a 2-minute piece
    about it:
    
https://medium.com/@PeggyHolman/journalism-that-tends-and-befriends-in-the-time-of-coronavirus-1ec800ccf9ad.

    I think fighting and fleeing less and tending and befriending more
    encompasses both personal responsibility and the common good.

    Be well and stay sane,
    Peggy






    ________________________________
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    Co-founder
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    Enjoy the award winning Engaging Emergence: Turning Upheaval into
    Opportunity <http://www.engagingemergence.com>









    On Apr 16, 2020, at 12:40 PM, Michael Herman via OSList
    <[email protected]
    <mailto:[email protected]>> wrote:

    Hi all,

    I had a thought recently that might be interesting here, and that
    maybe you can add on to, as a story and conversation here.  And
    then in the world.  This overlaps with some other recent threads,
    too, I think.

    As background, I'm exactly old enough that the moon landing is, as
    best I can tell, my oldest memory.  I've seen pictures of stuff
    that happened before, but I clearly remember the space toys being
    given away at gas stations, our family buying our first color TV,
    and (just like now) keeping our distance... in that case we were
    supposed to stay six feet from the new set.

    From that global moment came all kinds of "big blue marble"
    photos, Bucky Fuller's "Spaceship Earth," and other images.  Now
    we had a picture of "all in this together" where "all" really was
    every human.  And then, a few decades later, we've created a
    global network, a global economy, and global epidemics.  Not
    everyone made a direct, conscious connection about those images
    from space, but somehow we all grew up participating in the
    creation of these global structures and phenomena.
    Now I think we might have a chance to accelerate our swing back,
    to the micro, the local, the individual in equally strong,
    long-term ways.  It took us a while to get there, but the message
    coming clearer now is "wear a mask," for instance, "to protect
    others..."  And inside of that, this seems like a visceral
    reminder that "what you, the little individual does -- does
    matter."  It matters with masks and the virus, but it can be, and
    I hope it will be, quickly translated to the plastic we use, the
    miles we drive, the other things we purchase and reinforce with
    our money, the way we manage emotions in groups, and so on.  It
    matters for everyone to manage their own "stuff," their own
    behavior, purchases, words, and other choices.

    This is what I hope we might be learning, anyway.  And within all
    of the possibilities, choosing to take responsibility for one's
    own experience, actively choosing to be learning and contributing,
    seems to me about the best choices we could focus on, each of us,
    individually and personally.  What we've been saying all along, in
    various ways, that individual agency and actions matter, seems
    more important and understandable that ever.

    This makes me curious if and how what is happening now with the
    virus and what we've all been teaching and practicing and inviting
"in open space," might shape the world over the next few decades. I wonder what kind of a world might emerge from increasing
    awareness of personal agency, responsibility, learning and
    contributing, in meetings and everywhere else.

This is one good thing I have imagined could emerge from this. This is the view I'm testing as I watch the news and talk with
    clients these days.

    What do you think might come out of the current situation, on any
    scale?

    And is there anything else to do about helping it along, for now,
    wherever we are?

    Michael


    --

    Michael Herman
    Michael Herman Associates
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    MichaelHerman.com <http://michaelherman.com/>
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