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Subject: Women's Issues
Q: Should I
have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two
months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right
after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to
determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months
pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's
borderline
irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth
instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor,
but pressure.
Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called
an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A:
Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I
have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not
unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything
I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes,
pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you
change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last
week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When
the kids are in college.
"ESTROGEN ISSUES": 10 WAYS TO KNOW IF
YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude
problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese
omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're
using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker
that says
"How's my driving-call 1-800-***-."
6. Everyone's head looks like an
invitation to batting practice.
7. You're convinced there's a God and
he's male.
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than
Super Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you
crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it
yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats'
facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in
different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat
clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best
time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white,
and
eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3.
Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever
made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand
1. OTHER
WOMEN
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