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Well Megan,
I guess the only way to really understand is this..
I can honestly and acceptingly say (as I cannot change what has
happened and I have dealt with it in my own way)
There are 2 most terrifying and catagorically worst days of my
life - Days I would do anything to change and to undo in some way.
- one where I was on the brink of death and l was so
frightened that I thought it could get no worse (the birth of my
daughter).
The second was the worst form of torture, humiliation, fear,
confusion and the absolutly most soul destroying 24 hours of my life -
the day my son was born.
So I can love my children and be thankful that they are here with
us and I would not ever regret having them but in my heart I grieve on
their birthdays. Outwardly we celebrate but inside a terrible
memory looms.
So think of the one single moment in your life that you could say
you thought things could get no worse - and magnify it by 100
times. Then have everyone tell you to be thankful for it and to
not think about it and to be glad about it.
How absurd -what if we told those who were traumatised by the
Bali bombing or Sept 11 "It's only post bombing depression - get over
it!" Nobody would dare say it but women every day live with the
pain and horror of violation and torture and there are few comforting
words. They don't get counseling and comfort and
understanding, women who are tortured at our own doorsteps in places
where we expect to be helped, not hurt and humiliated are told to "get
over it" or "It's only post natal depression".
Some how we think that having a lovely baby makes up for it - "IT
DOESN'T"
I was so devastated by the birth of my son that i have absolutely
no memory of his first 6 months of life. All I actually remember
doing is crying - alone while he slept - I would curl up and cry.
When i wasn't crying I just existed and did what needed to be
done. I finally realised that i could not let them steal my soul
and I "got over it" and I started to live again but I don't remember
anything about him in that time. I look at photo's I took and
don't remember taking them. How many women go home from hospitals
a mere shell - just existing in a used and abused body, some how the
spark is blown out and to relight it can take a lot of
matches!
Sorry to be so morbid but I think to be able to help women we need
to address this as a real issue and not just label it "post natal
depression.' and find the cause and say " we are trying to stop it
happening."
I think a lot more needs to be done to help the women who have
already suffered and who are suffering now. To accept that it has
happened and to let them talk about it as freely as women who talk about
their empowering and lovely births is a major step. Nobody blinks
an eye when somebody says they had a lovely birth experience. in
general people turn away if a woman starts to express that she has had a
truamatic one. This is a social stigma for many women.
I'll get off my soap box now.
Please don't take any offence - I know many of you save women daily
from this sort of thing and you do a wonderful job but we sometimes need
to remember that it is still happening. If I can put into words
what other women bottle up and that helps just one person to understand
than I light just one more match formy own spark.
Regards
Rhonda
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who
have searched, and those who have tried. For only they
can
appreciate the importance of people who have touched their
lives.
Unknown.
-------Original
Message-------
Date: Wednesday,
November 06, 2002 00:26:13
Subject: RE:
[ozmidwifery] Interesting fact
Did anyone watch New Dimensions-
Health, tonight on ABC. It was on post traumatic stress disorder
experienced by woman during childbirth. It was only short but had a
wonderful midwife say some very great things like, "a woman should be
able to walk in off the street in labour and expect to be treated with
sensitivity and support"(words to that effect).
on another note it looks like MDA,
also on ABC, will have a woman (regular character on the
show) choosing to birth with a midwife, even mentioned the word
"philosophy", can't wait to see how they do it.
cheers
Megan.
PS I do not want to detract from the
point of your e-mail Jo and Rhonda, I have no idea how you feel, I can
only try to understand.
"For me the reality of empowering, exciting, even painful yet
wonderful birth is just as much a fairy tale."
I am saddened to the core of my womanhood reading these
words.
The pain that women who have bad cs experiences is under
estimated by so many.
Jo Bainbridge founding member CARES SA email: [EMAIL PROTECTED]phone:
08 8388 6918 birth with trust, faith & love...
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, November 05,
2002 9:12 PM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery]
Interesting fact
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Oh so sorry to be like that but gee - my first was an
emergency c/s at 27 weeks and the second was 24 hours of abuse
by the most horrible ob on the face of the earth while
in labour and then after the 24 hour of emotional
torture the physical assult of a brutal c/s which left me
stapled up crooked and bruised for 10 weeks.
I guess sleeping seemed a better option to me.
For me the reality of empowering, exciting, even painful
yet wonderful birth is just as much a fairy tale.
Rhonda
-------Original
Message-------
Date:
Tuesday, November 05, 2002 16:31:13
Subject:
Re: [ozmidwifery] Interesting fact
So glad I'm human (well, sort of
human, I believe!)! Labour and birth is intense, painful,
exciting, challenging, wonderful, excruciating, and lots more,
including orgasmic. Nothing else is like it, in the world and
I wouldn't have missed a second of it for quids! What a way
to present your Darlings to the world and make you
realise what a huge thing it is to bring a person to the
planet.
Aviva
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Tuesday, November 05, 2002 9:52 AM
Subject: Re: [ozmidwifery] Interesting
fact
Oh I don't know, I wouldn't have missed my last birth for
the world, it was a wonderful exciting experience - could have
done without the last few weeks of pregnancy though.
Waking up to find a baby, I must admit sounds a bit
c-sectionish to me - wake up - here's bub - God I wonder
if they have given me the right one - although I suppose
grizzly bears don't have this concern as they are not sharing
their maternity ward with any other bears :-)
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