[ozmidwifery] Co-sleeping and older children

[Graham and Helen]

I have a personal experience to share about co-sleeping as a child.  My father died when I was four and I had 3 older brothers and sisters between the ages of 8 and 12.  I slept with Mum, without question, from the day that Dad died and continued to do so most nights until I was about 15.  Mum never ever had a relationship again which was very sad and hopefully not because of me!!!  I actually think Mum would have been comforted by my being there (as was I).  The others all stayed in their beds but soon after...the oldest 2 (boys) were sent to boarding school as Mum thought they needed a male influence...but that is another story.   I certainly don't class myself to be clingy/dependent as I have lived away from home and travelled extensively since I was 17 when I started nursing.    I still do, however, have a very close emotional bond to Mum who is now in her eighties.    I found out a few years ago that my older brother was a bit worried that I was still sleeping with Mum when I was fourteen.  At that stage Mum and I were living alone as my sister had moved out by then.  She didn't tell me at the time and when I heard I thought it was a bit of a laugh.    So anyway, when it came to co-sleeping with our child it seemed only natural, despite the fact that I had no preconcieved ideas about how we would handle it.  I did recognize that my situation with Mum would no doubt have been quite different if Dad had still been alive.  He used to let us get in to the bed in the night, but we were still predominantly in the cot when he was around.    We certainly find our child needs to co-sleep as part of his emotional security and it is predominantly a beautiful bond strengthening experience alround, but admit as per my recent postings on the subject, that it can be "challenging to say the least" and does, at times, interfere with our sex lives.  We don't seem to be as energetic, imaginative or motivated as we were early in our relationship.  I wonder if it is also an age/familiarity related thing...........again that is another story.    I too have really enjoyed the recent discussions on this subject and thanks those who have give us an insight into their lives when the sun goes down.   Helen Cahill