This is exactly the reason why I became involved in HypnoBirthing and now
the Australian calmbirth program. We teach women to stand their ground and
also their partners to take charge too, supporting their partner. If the
partners are really taking charge they WILL intervene because now they know
they can. Ask questions and threaten if they lay a hand on you when you HAVE
said no you will take legal action. The hospital authorities play the game
so play the game back. It's sad to do that but that is what we are now
facing in todays society. The OB's are sneaky, they start to talk about
risks to a baby's life and what parent to be wouldn't fold.
In the first class I tell the dad's that they are like the gorilla in the
wild. A gorilla in the wild will run a perimeter around its mate giving
birth because he knows they are so vulnerable and ANYTHING that comes within
that perimeter will be killed ( no we don't tell them that includes midwives
ha ha ha) It IS their baby too and they have rights as well.
BUT couples are still choosing to have their babies in hospitals with OB's
and many smart ones are not ( I am having more and more in my classes having
homebirths which is so wonderful), so the only thing you can do is to
educate them about their rights and educate women about getting back in
touch with their birthing instincts. It is still there, they have just
forgotten. I have had MANY who stand up for those rights, no vag exams,
waiting another hour, ignoring the purple pushing commands, delaying or
cancelling inductions etc. Put them back in charge of their own birthing.
Sorry I am on my soapbox but I have had a gutful of all the inductions,
caesarians and impatient interventions and what is worse women are handing
over their bodies to people they think know more about their bodies than
they do. I'm not stupid though, I know we can have special circumstances but
gee they are a lot rarer than what is happening now.
Kelly, be careful about what you say in the de-brief. This HAS happened to
this woman and it is far more important to listen to her and let her vent
than giving her too much information. You don't want to create the hate for
staff and Ob's because that's the road she chose, maybe she will choose
differently next time because she DOES have choice. Give her more of an
understanding of why some births happens the way they do and that can be
simply explained and that maybe next time she will choose different options.
Unless you are a qualified therapist be very careful of not only what you
say but how you handle it. She will be very raw and vulnerable and will take
in everything you say. It would be far more beneficial to her to praise her
for the good efforts she put in and build positive resources for her,
otherwise you are leaving her with fearful memories of a bad birth
experience instead of focusing on some positive aspects and this could
affect any subsequent births. I have heard 60 year old women still trying to
debrief their birth because they thought they had no resources.
Hope this helps and be strong tomorrow.
Birthing with calm
Diane Gardner
www.dianegardner.com.au
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kelly @ BellyBelly" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 17, 2006 4:59 PM
Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] Birth & Sexual Assault
Okay, this woman I have been talking of is now ready to de-brief her
birth,
I will be seeing her tomorrow and she wants to know why it went the way it
did (it has been troubling her). I can explain the complexities of a
posterior presentation, but I was wondering, into what detail would you go
into about the sexual assault and the blocking she experienced? She did
not
like the sensation of the baby coming down at all. Do I explain how this
can
affect things, and that it might be an idea to do some healing / groups
which can help her work through her trauma to better prepare her next
time?
Or is it inappropriate?
Best Regards,
Kelly Zantey
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