What d'ya think about that algebraic notation up there in the subject.
Pretty sharp, eh?
Our Dish Network receiver went out (lightning struck nearby). I call Dish
Network.
Me: Yes, I'd like to replace my receiver because it's not working anymore.
CS: First, sir we need to verify that it's not working. Is it plugged in
and connect to the television?
ME: Yes.
CS: Then I'll transfer you to a technician.
ME: No. I don't want to be transferred to a technician. I know when it
working and it's not working. I checked it out and I can guarantee you it's
not working.
CS: We have to transfer you to a technician to run a diagnostic.
ME: No, I'm not going to be transferred to a technician. It's not working
and all I want is a new receiver.
CS: OK, sir, what kind of receiver would you like.
(long pause)
ME: What kinds do you have? If you're going to give me a choice you need to
tell me what my choices are.
CS: (rattles off 3 or 4 kinds).
ME: I want the HDTV receiver.
CS: OK, that'll add (can't remember $5 or $15) to your monthly bill for
HDTV.
ME: What channels will I get in HD?
CS: (names 3 or 4).
ME: I only get 3 or 4 channels in HD?
CS: Yes.
ME: Then I don't want the HDTV receiver.
CS: What kind of receiver would you like sir?
(long pause)
ME: What kind of receivers do you have? Do you expect me to remember all
the kinds you rattled off earlier?
CS: (reads the list again)
ME: I want just the plain old regular receiver.
CS: $125 will be added to your next bill.
ME: Why? Who owns the receiver, me or Dish Network?
CS: Dish Network owns the receiver sir.
ME: Then why do you want to charge me $125 when it's YOUR equipment that
failed not mine? Does that make any sense to you?
CS: Please wait... "please wait"... "please wait"... "please wait"... I see
that you've been a customer for five years. We can give you a $50 credit.
ME: So I still have to pay $75 for your equipment that broke, is that right?
CS: Yes sir. If you had purchased the equipment protection policy then you
would not have to pay for the new receiver.
(ahh... they get me either way)
Me: I don't like it, but OK.
Me: I also want to change my programming. I want to drop the Starz,
Cinemax, Showtime, and HBO packages.
CS: Why would you like to drop them sir?
Me: Because I rarely watch them and they are about half of the monthly
charge.
CS: You realize that you will lose channels if you drop them, don't you sir?
Me: Yes. Which ones.
CS: (reads me a list that turns out not be complete and includes a couple of
channels I actually liked)
Finally we get done with the call. Channels we wanted are missing. It
seems they package a handful of the channels we wanted most with a ****LOAD
of channels we don't care about.
In the next week we got Satellite Internet and the installer told us about
DirectTV vs. Dish Network. I check it out. It turns out that almost all
the channels we wanted which got cut off with Dish Network are available
with DirectTV without purchaing $60 worth of additional programming.
We get DirectTV installed and Dish Network is physically disconnected,
though not yet turned off.
Last week I called Dish Network.
ME: Yes, I'd like to discontinue my Dish Network subscription.
CS: May we ask why sir?
ME: Yes, we got Direct TV because we like the programming packages better
and we get some channels that we have to pay extra for with Dish Network.
CS: May I ask what channels those are sir?
ME: No, I don't want to go into that. I just want to have the service
discontinued.
CS: Well sir, we offer a reduced rate plan that allows you to keep Dish
Network on and compare the services side by side so you can decide which you
like better.
ME: Look, I don't want that. I already decided. DirectTV has already been
installed and the Dish Network dish is disconnected. I just want to get the
service turned off so I don't have to pay for it anymore.
CS: OK sir, I'll transfer you that department and they'll help you with
that.
ME: OK, Thank you.
(transfers)
CS: Hello sir, we understand you wish to turn off your Dish Network service,
is this correct?
ME: Yes.
(Deja vu)
CS: May we ask why?
ME: It's because I like DirectTV's programming package better AND because I
dislike the customer service provided by Dish Network.
CS: May I ask what the problem was with customer service?
ME: No, I'm not going to go into that. I just want the service turned off.
(Deja deja vu)
CS: Well sir, we offer a reduced rate plan that allows you to keep Dish
Network on and compare the services side by side so you can decide which you
like better.
ME: Look, I don't want that. I already decided. DirectTV has already been
installed and the Dish Network dish is disconnected. I just want to get the
service turned off so I don't have to pay for it anymore.
(NOW GET THIS... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)....
CS: OK sir, we can help you with that. Sir we have a plan whereby we can
put your DishNetwork account into a dormant status. What this does is it
allows you to come back anytime in the future and reactivate your Dish
Network service. That plan is only $10 a month.
ME: Wait. I would not be getting Dish Network programming and you're
telling me that I would be paying $10 a month just to not have my account
totally shutoff?
CS: That's correct sir.
ME: No. What is it I have to say to you people to make you understand that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MY ACCOUNT SHUT OFF?
(after what I was just told and what we learn next, do the math)
CS: OK sir. But you do realize then that if you ever decide to return to
Dish Network, there'll be a $25 restoral fee and you will have to pay for 2
months programming in advance.
ME: I don't care about that, just shut the service off.
CS: OK, sir. I show there being a zero balance on your account. Have a
nice day.
It took over 10 minutes for this to finally happen.
Tom C.
