The first guy is Offenbach early because he forgot his Chopin Liszt. > > From: "Daniel J. Matyola" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> > Date: 2007/11/05 Mon PM 04:30:48 GMT > To: [email protected] > Subject: OT: Funny Signs > > I wish I had photos of them, however: > Not new, but a good collection of good oldies: > <A few funny signs: > At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner. > At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel. > At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak. > At a Santa Fe gas station: We will not sell gasoline to anyone in a > glass container. > At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout. > At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows. > At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition. > At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents? > At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, > you've come to the right place. > At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your > bill. However, if you don't, you will be. > At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: > If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight > clothes, beware of the machinist. > Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop > reading these signs. > Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a car payment. > Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted. > Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. May we pick your nose? > English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hands Before Eating. > Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear! > In a Beauty Shop: Dye now! > In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can > eat any place they want. > In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more > than 30 days will be disposed of. > In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional. > In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you. > In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs. > In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here. > In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for > free, but be aware that the bull charges. > In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. > In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness. > In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and > doesn't know it, there is day care on the first floor. > In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your > clothes when the light goes out. > In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 > and 17 necks. > In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. > In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends. > In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center > In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought > to see the manager. > In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire > and take appropriate action. > In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking > flowers from any but their own graves. > In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels. > In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed > up. > In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car > In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - > $100 - They won't last an hour! > In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan. > In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! > In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. > In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and > stand upside down on the draining board. > In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday > kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. > In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel - NO END > In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's > time to wash your car. > In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We'll wait. > In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about our plans for > owning your home. > In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave > please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. > In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let > our washing machine do the dirty work. > In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be > cheated, when you can come here? > Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. > Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day. > Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you > how to get lessons. > Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for > free, but the bull charges. > On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs. > On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this > door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side > entrance) > On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the > 2nd one just left. > On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in > multi-packs. > On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. > On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest > possible prices and workmanship. > On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push. > On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin. > On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal > Church > On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed. > On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard ? > bell out of order.) > On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut. > On a roller coaster: Watch your head. > On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission > On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff. > On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, > this road is impassable. > On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts. > On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on > the same spot. > On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you > cannot read this card... > On another Butcher's window: Pleased to meat you. > On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte. > On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et. > On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing > without permission. > On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened bluefish > On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to > the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy > Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques. > Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome. > Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, o-it-yourself, $1. > Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people. > Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming. > Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch; if not back by five, > out for dinner. > Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak. > Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing > machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful > bargain. > Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one Weak. > Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed. > Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be > drowned. By order of the District Council. > Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know > it, there is a day care on the first floor. > Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you. > This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor home: I go where > I'm towed to. > Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: Don't sleep > with a drip call your plumber. > -- > PDML Pentax-Discuss Mail List > [email protected] > http://pdml.net/mailman/listinfo/pdml_pdml.net > to UNSUBSCRIBE from the PDML, please visit the link directly above and follow > the directions.
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