mike wilson wrote: >The first guy is Offenbach early because he forgot his Chopin Liszt. > oy.
dan - I like these even though most of them are _ intentionally _ funny ann > > > >>From: "Daniel J. Matyola" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >>Date: 2007/11/05 Mon PM 04:30:48 GMT >>To: [email protected] >>Subject: OT: Funny Signs >> >>I wish I had photos of them, however: >>Not new, but a good collection of good oldies: >><A few funny signs: >>At a Music Store: Out to lunch. Bach at 12:30. Offenbach sooner. >>At a number of US military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel. >>At a pizza shop: 7 days without pizza makes one weak. >>At a Santa Fe gas station: We will not sell gasoline to anyone in a >>glass container. >>At a tire shop in Milwaukee: Invite us to your next blowout. >>At a Towing Company: We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows. >>At a Used Car Lot: Second Hand cars in first crash condition. >>At an Auto Body Shop: May we have the next dents? >>At an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, >>you've come to the right place. >>At the electric company: We would be delighted if you send in your >>bill. However, if you don't, you will be. >>At the entrance of the large machinery plant: Warning to young ladies: >>If you wear loose clothes, beware of the machinery. If you wear tight >>clothes, beware of the machinist. >>Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop >>reading these signs. >>Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a car payment. >>Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted. >>Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. May we pick your nose? >>English Sign in German Cafe: Mothers, Please Wash Your Hands Before Eating. >>Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear! >>In a Beauty Shop: Dye now! >>In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can >>eat any place they want. >>In a cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more >>than 30 days will be disposed of. >>In a counselors office: Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional. >>In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you. >>In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs. >>In a dry cleaner's emporium: Drop your pants here. >>In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for >>free, but be aware that the bull charges. >>In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed. >>In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness. >>In a hotel during a conference: For anyone who has children and >>doesn't know it, there is day care on the first floor. >>In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your >>clothes when the light goes out. >>In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 >>and 17 necks. >>In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but Sunday. >>In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends. >>In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center >>In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought >>to see the manager. >>In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire >>and take appropriate action. >>In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking >>flowers from any but their own graves. >>In a Podiatrist's window: Time wounds all heels. >>In a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed >>up. >>In a safari park: Elephants please stay in your car >>In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits - >>$100 - They won't last an hour! >>In a Texas funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan. >>In a veterinarian's waiting room: Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay! >>In an office building washroom: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below. >>In an office: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and >>stand upside down on the draining board. >>In an office: Would the person who took the step ladder yesterday >>kindly bring it back or further steps will be taken. >>In downtown Boston: Callahan Tunnel - NO END >>In front of a New Hampshire car wash: If you can't read this, it's >>time to wash your car. >>In the front yard of a funeral home: Drive carefully. We'll wait. >>In the offices of a New Jersey loan company: Ask about our plans for >>owning your home. >>In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave >>please see that the perpetual light is extinguished. >>In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife. Let >>our washing machine do the dirty work. >>In the window of an Oregon general store: Why go elsewhere to be >>cheated, when you can come here? >>Inside a bowling alley: Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop. >>Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day. >>Message on a leaflet: If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you >>how to get lessons. >>Notice in a field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for >>free, but the bull charges. >>On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs. >>On a church door: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this >>door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side >>entrance) >>On a desk in a reception room: We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the >>2nd one just left. >>On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in >>multi-packs. >>On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive. >>On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest >>possible prices and workmanship. >>On a maternity room door: Push. Push. Push. >>On a Music Teacher's door: Out Chopin. >>On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal >>Church >>On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed. >>On a repair shop door: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard ? >>bell out of order.) >>On a restaurant: Try our fish just for the halibut. >>On a roller coaster: Watch your head. >>On a Scientist's door: Gone Fission >>On a taxidermist's window: We really know our stuff. >>On a Tennessee highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, >>this road is impassable. >>On an electrician's truck: Let us remove your shorts. >>On an established New Mexico dry cleaning store: Thirty-eight years on >>the same spot. >>On an United Airlines emergency exit row instruction card: If you >>cannot read this card... >>On another Butcher's window: Pleased to meat you. >>On the door of a Computer Store: Out for a quick byte. >>On the door of a Music Library: Bach in a min-u-et. >>On the grounds of a private school in Connecticut: No trespassing >>without permission. >>On the menu of a New Orleans restaurant: Blackened bluefish >>On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted to >>the full extent of the law. - Sisters of Mercy >>Outside a country shop in West Virginia: We buy junk and sell antiques. >>Outside a disco: Smarts is the most exclusive disco in town. Everyone welcome. >>Outside a farm: Horse manure, pre-packed bags, $10. Or, o-it-yourself, $1. >>Outside a Hotel: Help! We need inn-experienced people. >>Outside a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We heard you coming. >>Outside a photographer's studio: Out to lunch; if not back by five, >>out for dinner. >>Outside a radiator repair shop: Best place in town to take a leak. >>Outside a second-hand store: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing >>machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful >>bargain. >>Pizza shop slogan: 7 days without pizza makes one Weak. >>Plumber: We repair what your husband Fixed. >>Quicksand warning: Quicksand. Any person passing this point will be >>drowned. By order of the District Council. >>Seen during a conference: For anyone who has children and doesn't know >>it, there is a day care on the first floor. >>Sign at the psychic's Hotline: Don't call us, we'll call you. >>This was seen on a car being towed by a large motor home: I go where >>I'm towed to. >>Trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: Don't sleep >>with a drip call your plumber. >>-- >>PDML Pentax-Discuss Mail List >>[email protected] >>http://pdml.net/mailman/listinfo/pdml_pdml.net >>to UNSUBSCRIBE from the PDML, please visit the link directly above and follow >>the directions. >> >> > > >----------------------------------------- >Email sent from www.virginmedia.com/email >Virus-checked using McAfee(R) Software and scanned for spam > > > > -- PDML Pentax-Discuss Mail List [email protected] http://pdml.net/mailman/listinfo/pdml_pdml.net to UNSUBSCRIBE from the PDML, please visit the link directly above and follow the directions.
