May I preface this that I don't know Ken Rockwell, I've never been to
his website, and I only know of him through the continuous jibes and
guffaws posted on the PDML (and through my brother). But when I saw
this on DPR in one of the forums, I had to laugh ... Only a true
genius would have such amazing name recognition ...
-----
Ken Rockwell is the Chuck Norris of photography.
Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are:
P[erfect] Av[Awesome Priority Tv[Totally Awesome Priority] M[ajestic].
Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his.
Sure, Ken Rockwell deletes a bad photo or two. Other people call these
Pulitzers..
Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time.
Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is.
Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape -
the light waits for him..
Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the
earth.
Ken Rockwell ordered an L-lens from Nikon, and got one.
Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus;
unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth
instead..
When Ken Rockwell brackets a shot, the three versions of the photo win
first place in three different categories.
Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask
him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less
good get a Canon sticker.
Once Ken tested a camera, he said I cant even put Canon on this
one,thats how Pentax was born.
Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think
once.
Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident.
Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else
would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius.
Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers,
and lo, there were ducks..
Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you.
Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure.
Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble
Space Telescope..
When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it.
Ken Rockwell's portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes.
On Ken Rockwell's desktop, the Trash Icon is really a link to National
Geographic Magazine.
Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d".
When Ken Rockwell went digital, National Geographic nearly went out of
business because he was no longer phyically discarding photos.
For every 10 shots that Ken Rockwell takes, 11 are keepers.
Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's.
Ken Rockwell never focuses, everything moves into his DoF.
Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned Photoshop for
him: all it consists of is a close button..
The term tripod was coined after his silhouette.
Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the
viewer.
A certain braind of hig-end cameras was named after people noticed the
quality was a lot "like a" rockwell.
Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is
the Ken Rockwell of martial arts..
Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues.
-----
enjoy
G
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