©¿©<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->©¿© and ©¿©<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->©¿© presents
<---------------------PHWeekly Joke Ezine!---------------------> <-------The Little Sister Of Purehumour Joke Ezine------> PHWeekly (aka Purehumour Weekly) is now residing at the home of Paul's Fun House (http://www.paulsfunhouse.com) PHWeekly features the BEST Adult humour on the net...in the unlikely event that you no long wish to be a subscriber... please see the bottom of this mailing to unsubscribe. *please note...all replies to this ezine are discarded without being read...for contact info...please see the bottom of this mailing also. Running really behind today...just enough time to let you know that I am going to attempt to get next week's issue out early as I am away all weekend. Today's issue includes contributions by: Rubin, SunAmy, Stan, Wayne, Gene, Marina, Suzanne, Kim. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ©¿©-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------©¿© Lets start with a quickie: How do you tell a Polish ladder from a normal one? The Polish one has the word STOP stenciled on the top rung. ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© Free Ticket <a href=" http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/phw12.html ">Click</a> http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/phw12.html The Perfect Woman <a href=" http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08b.html ">Click</a> http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08b.html Have You Been Drinking <a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/023.html ">Click</a> http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/023.html Act Stupid <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/25.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/25.htm Hide N Seek In Prison <a href=" http://www.j-j-c.net/prison.htm ">Click</a> http://www.j-j-c.net/prison.htm ©¿©------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------©¿© Today's issue is brought to you by: Then you need Ezine Ad Auction- Register FREE and receive over $300.00 in BONUS items. Now you can buy and sell ezine ads in an auction setting- Pick up great deals daily! Go Now to http://www.EzineAdAuction.com ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© SOMETHING TO OFFEND DAMN-NEAR EVERYBODY 1. What's the Cuban national anthem? Row, Row, Row Your Boat" 2. Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. 3. Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong." 4. What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. 5. What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring. 6. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future either. 7. What do you call an Arkansas farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. 8. Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. 9. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. 10. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say FUCK? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! 11. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..." 12. My, my, how time have changed.Years ago...When 100 white men chased 1 black man, we called it the Ku Klux Klan; today they call it the PGA TOUR. 13. Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides. ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ©¿©------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------©¿© Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ©¿©----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------©¿© If today is your birthday...you share it with: 1940 Alain Calmat France, figure skater (Olympic-silver-1964) 1942 Carole Wells Shreveport La, actress (Pistols n Petticoats) 1945 Itzhak Perlman Tel Aviv Israel, violinist/polio victim 1945 Leonid I Popov cosmonaut (Soyuz 35, 40, T-7) 1945 Van Morrison Belfast, singer (Here Comes the Night) 1949 Richard Gere Phila Pa, actor (Breathless, Cotton Club) 1952 Rudolf Schenker heavy metal rocker (Scorpions-No One Like You) 1954 Tula [Barry Kenneth Cossey], Engld, transexual (For Your Eyes Only) 1957 Glenn Tilbrook guitarist/vocalist (Squeeze-Tempted) 1958 Edwin C Moses track star (hurdler, Olympic-gold-1984) 1959 Rachel Dennison Knoxville Tn, actress (Doralee Rhodes-9 to 5) 1961 David Chastain heavy metal rocker (Chastain-Rule of Wasteland) 1963 Reb Beach heavy metal rocker (Winger-17) 1970 Debbie Gibson Brooklyn NY, singer (Only in My Dreams) 1977 Paul Garber helped establish Air & Space Museum in Washington DC .....and on this day in history: 1950 Dodger Gil Hodges hits 4 HRs & a single in a game vs Braves 1954 Census Bureau established 1954 Hurricane Carol (1st major named storm) hits New England, 70 die 1955 1st microwave TV station operated (Lufkin, Tx) 1955 1st sun-powered automobile demonstrated, Chicago, Ill 1957 Malaya (Malaysia) gains independence from Britain (National Day) 1959 Australia defeats US for tennis' Davis Cup 1960 Agricultural Hall of Fame established 1962 Trinidad & Tobago gain independence from Britain (National Day) 1965 House of Reps joins Senate establish Dept of Housing & Urban Develop 1968 6,000 die in 7.8 quake destroys 60,000 buildings in NE Iran 1968 Private Eye magazine reports a John Lennon & Yoko Ono album will have a picture of them nude on the cover 1969 25,000 attend New Orleans Pop Festival 1970 Lonnie McLucas, a Black Panther activist, convicted 1970 US defeats German FR for tennis' Davis Cup 1971 Dave Scott becomes 1st person to drive a car on the Moon 1972 Olga Korbut, USSR, wins olympic gold medal in gymnastics 1973 1st heavyweight championship fight in Japan (Foreman beats Roman) 1977 Aleksandr Fedotov sets aircraft alt rec of 38.26 km (125,524') 1978 Symbionese Liberation Army founders William & Emily Harris plead guilty to 1974 kidnapping of newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst 1979 Comet Howard-Koomur-Michels collides with the Sun 1979 Donald McHenry named to succeed Andrew Young as UN ambassador 1980 Poland's Solidarity labor union founded 1983 Edwin Moses of USA sets the 400m hurdle record (47.02) in Koblenz 1984 Pinklin Thomas defeats Tim Witherspoon for the WBC heavyweight title 1985 "Prakas" sets trotting mile record of 1:53.4 at Du Quoin, Ill 1985 Night Stalker suspect that terrorized S Calif captured in East LA 1986 Aeromexico jet & small plane collide kill 82 1986 Soviet passenger ship Adm Nakhimov, collides with a merchant vessel 1987 Curtis Strange sets golf's earning for the year record ($697,385) 1988 5-day power blackout of downtown Seattle begins ©2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/ ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of her favorite fairy tales. "Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales begin with "Once Upon a Time...?"" "No, dearest," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I have to work a little late at the office tonight..." ©¿©----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL--------------------©¿© Dusty? Check it out <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">Poll</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ©¿©-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------©¿© "Right now in Spain, it's the annual Running of the Bulls. Followed, of course, by the Soiling of the Pants and then the Burying of the Idiots." -Craig Kilborn ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© A Blonde Completes the Puzzle 2 <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blndpuzz2.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blndpuzz2.html A Blonde Completes the Puzzle 3 <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blpuzz4.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blpuzz4.html A Blonde Connects The Dots <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blndpuzz3.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blndpuzz3.html Test Drive <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog14.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog14.htm Missing <a href=" http://ninasplace.com/006.htm ">Click</a> http://ninasplace.com/006.htm ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. He first asked her what her name was and she replied, "Anni." The he offered her a drink and she greatfullly accepted a Bloody Caesar from him. Now he figured he was getting somewhere, so he invited her back to his place for a little bedroom polka. "No thank you," Anni replied. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult," the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much," Anni said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." ©¿©-------------------------A DOG'S WORLD------------------------©¿© A Dog's World is a continuing story that will appear in each issue...miss a segment?...then check out the archives at: http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj Ok, which way is it"? Asked Porky. The dogs realized that with no landmarks their sense of direction was lost. They looked back on the small pile of rubble that covered the basement they hid in. Each of them wondered if they should just go back. "I say we head west." Announced Sam. "Fine, which way is west"? Ralph asked gruffly. "Just follow me." The pack quickened their pace as Sam lead the way. It really didn't dawn on the dogs that the familiar hills and rocks they used to jump on were no longer there. They traveled the flat earth just hoping they would see something. "Sam" Prince said meekly. "We're not going to find the creek are we"? Sam didn't reply. He couldn't reply. He knew what the others knew; everything they had ever known was gone. After what seemed like hours of trotting the dogs stopped and just looked around. The scenery hadn't changed. Nothing looked any different from the place they were at before. Copyright 2001-02 D. Scott Check out more at: http://www.humorcorner.com ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© New Safety Device For Walkers <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/sasha10.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/sasha10.htm Virgin & Slut Airlines <a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/jj14.htm ">Click</a> http://ezinesetc.com/jj14.htm When I Think of You <a href=" http://www.footlonghotdog.net/butt.htm ">Click</a> http://www.footlonghotdog.net/butt.htm Hunk With & Without His Clothes <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/hunk.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/hunk.html Whats Better About Him <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/better.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/better.html ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Wendy: Okay, today's Friday. Where's your pay envelope? James: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house. Wendy: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480? James: Eight rounds of drinks. ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© Put your brand on everyone's desktop...See You Again software gives you the ability to get your logo right up in front of the people you need...bringing them back over and over again to YOUR site! Get a jump on the competition...See You Again! <a href="http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/23.html";>Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/23.html ©¿©------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------©¿© If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href="http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm";>Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© <A Classic!> A young couple are married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do time and time again all night long. Morning comes, and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to bring him one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opens the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride so that she can see all of him well. Her eyes go up and down and at about midway, they stop and stare. Pointing to a small part of his anatomy, she asks, "What's that?" He, also being shy, thinks for a minute and says, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night." And she, in amazement, asks, "Is that all we have left?" ©¿©--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------©¿© It may be no accident that the word "menopause" invites the association "pause from men." ©¿©-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------©¿© What clown type was originally developed in the United States? A. Mime B. Hobo or tramp clown C. Whiteface clown D. Gothic clown --- What was the first circus clown act? A. Billy Buttons B. Ronald McDonald C. Bozo the Clown D. The Little Tramp <Answers in Next Issue!> Last Issue's Answers: Apes are highly intelligent primates. How many species of ape are there? B. 13 --- Hippopotamuses are often called river horses for what trait? D. Their noses have special flaps that close when they go underwater © Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications Website: http://quizqueen.net Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A man traveling at 130 mph on the interstate was stopped by highway police. "Sorry, officer" said the driver, "was I driving too fast?" "No, sir. You were flying too low." ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© Superwoman <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog12.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog12.htm Superman <a href=" http://roseys.net/jillsprog13.htm ">Click</a> http://roseys.net/jillsprog13.htm Too Big For Me <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/big.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/big.html Hare Piece <A HREF=" http://ninasplace.com/003.htm ">Click</A> http://ninasplace.com/003.htm Patriotic Babes <A HREF=" http://ninasplace.com/004.htm ">Click</A> http://ninasplace.com/004.htm ©¿©---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------©¿© <To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation is expected.> A hillbilly was on trial for making moonshine whiskey. A young neighbor of his was being grilled by the prosecutor. "Did you ever get any whiskey from him?", asked the prosecutor. "No,sir!", said the neighbor. "Did you ever get any from his wife?"' he asked. "No, sir.", said the neighbor. "Did you ever get any from his daughter?", asked the prosecutor. The young neighbor thought a minute and said "Your Honor, are we STILL talking about whiskey?". <End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products once more> ©¿©---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------©¿© New feature will be here NEXT week! ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© Do you love PHWeekly? Enough to open your wallet a little? If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ©¿©--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------©¿© Did you hear about the guy who was in love with two women and couldn't decide which of them to marry? He went to a marriage counselor and the counselor asked him to describe his two loves. The confused guy said, 'One girl is a great poet and the other makes delicious pancakes.' 'Oh,' said the counselor, 'I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse.' ©¿©------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------©¿© Strip BlackJack With Jasmine <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/stripbjjasmine.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/stripbjjasmine.html Don't Want Your Love <a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/jj11.htm ">Click</a> http://ezinesetc.com/jj11.htm Masculinity <a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/jj2.htm ">Click</a> http://ezinesetc.com/jj2.htm Air Bride <a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/jj3.htm ">Click</a> http://ezinesetc.com/jj3.htm Strip BlackJack With Karen <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/stripbjkaren.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/stripbjkaren.html Checkers <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/checkers.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/checkers.html Big Bra <a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/jj1.htm ">Click</a> http://ezinesetc.com/jj1.htm Big Titty Girl <a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/jj4.htm ">Click</a> http://ezinesetc.com/jj4.htm ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A guy goes into a hardware store. He flags down an employee and asks him for a file. The employee points to a file at the right side of the cabinet, "You want that bastard?" "No," says the customer. The employee points to a file at the left side of the cabinet, "You want that bastard?" "No," says the customer. "Well, what do you want?" The customer points to a file in the middle. "I want that son-of-a-bitch right there." ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© Get your condoms here! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/5.html ">Click</a> ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© I was helping my friend make dolls for her grandchildren. As we were painstakingly finishing a dimpled knee, the phone rang. "Hi, Mom, what are you doing?" came my son's cheery voice. Removing pins from my mouth, I answered, "Making babies." There was a moment's silence at the other end. "Oh, Dad's home?" ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© My Ex Ate Like A Horse <A HREF=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/horse.html ">Click</A> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/horse.html Find A Peach <A HREF=" http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08c.html ">Click</A> http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08c.html Moon Shot <A HREF=" http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08d.html ">Click</A> http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/02-08d.html So Affectionate <A HREF=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/affection.html ">Click</A> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/affection.html Stand Closer <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/31.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/31.htm ©¿©-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------©¿© A Chinese couple who walked around town handcuffed together to show their love have been mistaken for escaped convicts. The man, identified only as Mr Wang, had apparently returned to Shanghai from Japan to visit his girlfriend. He took her to Hangzhou where he produced the handcuffs and locked their wrists together saying it was the most popular way of expressing love in Japan. The Straits Times, reporting the Shanghai Morning Post, said as the couple walked around the town they were arrested by a group of policemen when a tourist reported them. Mr Wang told the police he had bought the imitation handcuffs from a roadside stall in Japan. The couple promised not to do it again after being told it was an offence to use police items, imitation or real. Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Sam was walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says. Sam has never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them! It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my wife," Sam answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well," replied Sam, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face. ©¿©-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------©¿© [||||] C R O S S Y O U R H E A R T [||||] Rumors continue to churn that Hooters is seriously considering the acquisition of Vanguard Airlines. (Newsweek) Flying Boeing wide body 36-DDs one would assume. Copyright © 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© A millionaire throws a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. During the party, he's a bit bored and decides to stir things up a bit. He grabs the mic and announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. He offers anything he owns to anyone who will swim across that pool. The party continues for some time with no one accepting his offer, until suddenly there's a loud splash. All the party guests run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool a man is frantically swimming as hard as he can. Fins come out of the water and jaws are snapping and the guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining, but the guy manages to reach the end and he leaps out of the pool, soaked. The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give - for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So, what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the person that pushed me in!" ©¿©--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------©¿© HE'S SO CUTE !!! Get your own interactive DeskMate for FREE <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/13.html";>Click Here </a> !! FREE !! DOWNLOAD NOW !! FREE !! Tahni. The world's cutest digital Supermodel! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/14.html "> Click Here </a> ©¿©--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------©¿© Have You Been Flossing <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/32.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/32.htm MisMatched <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/mismatched.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/mismatched.html Is Your Girlfriend Uglier Than. . .? <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/36.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/36.html It's Just Like A Florida Vacation <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/37.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/37.html Well Endowed <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/endowed.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/endowed.html ©¿©--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------©¿© Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." Joel asked "Why? Who's going to stop me?". Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." ©¿©---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------©¿© Why do blondes get confused in the bathroom? They have to pull their own pants down. ©¿©--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------©¿© WIN Kim Burke's new book....just by entering the Paul's Fun House contest...one lucky winner will take home a personally signed copy of Kim's book "Incidents and Accidents For Frazzled Women"...you cannot win if you don't enter! It will take you less than 1 minute to do so and you can enter once each day: <a href=" http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a> http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com The Birds and the Bees and Noses by Lynette My baby, my eldest, my cause to celebrate the second Sunday of May in new and special ways, my reason for living and motivation to carry on, my 11-year-old son is starting middle school. His sister, my pumpkin-pooh, my sweet little girl with golden hair, my last brush with the wonders of childbirth, my 9-year-old daughter is in her last year at elementary school. Alas, the pre-hormonal years are ending at our house. Yes, I have two children, male and female, entering the dreaded teenage years when hormones rage and brains shrink. If that wasn't enough, I'm seeing all the signs that the post-hormonal years are just around the corner for me. My skin is sagging, my voice is dropping and my patience is MIA. If my husband has any sense at all, he'll just leave now and come back later when it's all over. Actually our marriage is at that perfect stage. Our looks are declining at the same rate as our eyesight. We think we both look good, although a little fuzzy, and we worry about the same things. We think a wild night is butter on the popcorn, a rented movie that is not a cartoon and staying up past 10:00pm. However, we are very unusual in that we are close in age. I've seen the show-biz couples today and I just have to wonder, "What were they thinking?" I am 20 years younger than Paul McCartney. I always thought I was too young for Paul yet I still waited patiently through his Linda years. He STILL managed to marry a woman younger than me. I'm also too old for Eric Clapton, Keith Richards and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. Imagine my surprise. Now I see old Han Solo is with Ally McBeal. With his eyesight, he probably thinks she's Carrie Fisher circa 1976. The scary part is that she can totally see all of his wrinkles. She probably thinks he's Chewbacca. According to those examples, my 9-year-old daughter is just right for Matthew Perry, 33, but too old for Lil' Bow Wow, 13. If I'm ever single again, I figure I should start cruising the Wal- Mart pharmacy. It seems to be the hangout for older studs, which apparently is my target group. But what really freaks me out is that Michael Jackson is reproducing again. I think I've got it figured out now. Remember the Woody Allen movie, "Sleeper?" At the end, they try to clone the dead leader from the only body part to survive the fatal accident: the leader's nose. I submit to you Exhibit A: Michael's nose. It's not there. I a convinced he is currently breathing through Play-Do. Think about it. Yes, I believe, he cut off his beautiful black man's nose and made his children. Why else would he name two of them, "Prince?" They're the same kid! Answers a whole lot of nagging questions, if you ask me. And, it's a lot more believable than Michael Jackson having sex with a woman. --- Lynette is the writer and creator of the website: www.lynetteisfunny.com. She lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband and two children. Her family is the main comedy source for her column although she is not above making up something just to be funny. Email Lynette at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ©¿©----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------©¿© The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! 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