I DON'T NEED A COUNSELOR, I NEED A FRIEND.
by Velma Cook
Life is full of pressure. I have to make money to be successful,
whatever that means. So often people assess me superficially, not
really knowing who I am and how I may have been terribly successful in
some areas of my life, but they only see me according to their
context; what they want to see. People ask 'How are you?' but don't
usually care about the answer. They say 'Have a nice day,' but
inwardly couldn't care less.
I have to be tolerant and flexible until I don't have any opinions
left. Children must be trained to behave in a certain way so they will
be 'acceptable' to society. I am also supposed to discover myself and
my potential plus fulfill it or people will say I am oppressed, even
though I may be perfectly happy as I am. At the same time I must be on
my guard against advertising, brain-washing, political facades or I'll
be guilty of being naive. One's spouse is supposed to be completely
fulfilled with me or my marriage will break down.
No wonder I feel unsure of myself and often lonely. People say we all
need counselors these days. Some therapy to help us through. But how
can I spill the beans; tell all my secret insecurities and fears to a
complete stranger, who has been trained to have no opinion, no bias,
acting like a mirror to all my faults and weaknesses. A face with
nothing behind it. It is like you sit and talk to yourself, pay the
money and go home. You still feel lonely.
I need someone who thinks and feels like me. Dreams the same kinds of
dreams, understands my fears and loves me anyway. Someone who will
love me enough to tell me the truth, even if I don't really like it. I
need a friend.
It's trendy to have a counselor or therapy nowadays. Why? Have we
become obsessed with material possessions to the point that we leave
behind the valuable things in life, like family and friends?
Families used to help each other financially. Now we have Social
Security. Families used to protect and represent each other, now
there are court cases for every trivial matter. A good way of making
money out of people's problems, ignorance and misery. Families used
to support each other, now we have counseling and therapy from
strangers. Nearly everything has become controlled by the government
and centralized yet people call the society 'free'.
Families are disintegrating and friends come and go, as we seek the
world and all it contains, with a greed that is never satiated. Maybe
if we focus on 'real' things, important things, like developing our
Iman, deepening our submission to Allah, gaining knowledge and
nurturing our families and those around us then, most of our
overwhelming problems will simply disappear.
Some Quotations about friendship
Allah swt said :
"Friends on that Day will be foes, one to another; except the
righteous" [HQ 43:67]
And hold fast, all of you together, to the cable of Allah, and do not
separate. And remember Allahs favour unto you: How ye were enemies and
He made friendship between your hearts so that ye became as brothers
by His grace; and (how) ye were upon the brink of an abyss of fire,
and He did save you from it. Thus Allah maketh clear His revelations
unto you, that haply ye may be guided, [HQ.3:103]
O ye who believe! Take not My enemies and yours as friends (or
protectors), offering them (your) love, even though they have rejected
the Truth that has come to you, and have (on the contrary) driven out
the Prophet and yourselves (from your homes), (simply) because ye
believe in God your Lord! If ye have come out to strive in My Way and
to seek My Good Pleasure, (take them not as friends), holding secret
converse of love (and friendship) with them; for I know full well all
that ye conceal and all that ye reveal. And any of you that does this
has strayed from the Straight Path. [HQ.60:1]
It may be that God will grant love (and friendship) between you and
those whom ye (now) hold as enemies. For God has power (over all
things); and God is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful. [HQ.60:7]
God only forbids you, with regard to those who fight you for (your)
Faith, and drive you out of your homes, and support (others) in
driving you out, from turning to them (for friendship and protection).
It is such as turn to them (in these circumstances), that do wrong.
[HQ.60:9]
O ye who believe! Turn not (for friendship) to people on whom is the
Wrath of God. Of the Hereafter they are already in despair, just as
the Unbelievers are in despair about those (buried) in graves. [HQ.60:24]
And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of
another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they
establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and
His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah
is Mighty, Wise. [HQ.9:71]
Allah (God) said: `Those who love one another for My glory will have
minbars of light, and the Prophets and martyrs will wish that they had
the same."
Almighty Lord in the Day Of Judgment will say:
"Where are those who loved one another for My glory? Today I will
shade them in My shade on the Day when there is no shade but Mine."
The prophet Muhammad (saw) said:
"A person inevitably follows the faith of one's friends; therefore, be
careful in choosing your friends."
"There are three things that whoever attains them will find the
sweetness of faith: � ; if he loves a person solely for the sake of
Allah (God); �"
"My LOVE is granted to those who love one another for my sake, who
visit one another for my sake, and who spend on one another for my sake."
"Do not break off ties with one another, do not turn away from one
another, do not hate one another, do not envy one another. Be
brothers, as Allah (SWT) has commanded you. "
"Your smiling at your brother is an act of charity (sadaqah)."
"None of you truly believes until he likes for his brother what he
likes for himself."
Proverbs
"A mirror reflects a man's face, but what he is really like is shown
by the kind of friends he chooses." Proverbs 27:19
"Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share
troubles?"Proverbs 17:17
"A friend in need is a friend indeed."
Latin Proverb
"The death of a friend is equivalent to the loss of a limb."
German Proverb
"Life without a friend is like death without a witness."
Spanish Proverb
"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's
heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands
will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of
kindness blow the rest away."
Arabian Proverb
What they say about friendship
"There are many types of ships. There are wooden ships, plastic ships,
and metal ships. But the BEST and MOST IMPORTANT types of ships are
FRIENDSHIPS."
old irish quote
"Friends will come and friends will go,
The seasons change and it will show,
I will age and so will you,
But our friendship stays, strong and true"
Anonymous -
"There's nothing as nice as someone who shares,
your laughter, your secrets, your wishes and cares,
someone who's there through your good times and tears,
who stays by your side as your friend through the years."
Autymn Skillings -
"My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me."
Henry Ford
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the
light."
Helen Keller
"The world would be so lonely, in sunny hours or gray. Without the
gift of friendship, to help us every day."
Hilda Brett Farr
"Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm
and constant."
Socrates, Greek Philosopher
"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
-Euripides, Greek playwrite
"The best mirror is an old friend."
George Herbert
How do you spell FRIEND?
Faithful : A friend is always faithful to you,
even during the bad times.
Reliable : A friend is reliable..you can count on one to
always be there.
In touch: A friend stays in touch, even though it may not
be as often as you'd like!
Eduring: A true friendship is enduring, lasting even when
friends lose touch for a while.
Needed: A friend always there for you when you need
someone.
Devote : A friend is devoted to your friendship and will
never do anything to destroy it.
FRIEND
Is for Find ways to comfort you.
Is for Remember to pray for you.
Is to Inspire you.
Is to Enjoy life with someone like you.
Is for Never forget you.
Is for Deliver my love to you.
A REAL FRIEND is one who walkes in, when the rest of the world waleks
out.
FRIENDS know what you want them to know;
BEST FRIENDS know what u don't even know about yourself;
and
TRUE FRIENDS help you build yourself from all they know
"Met you as a stranger
Took you as a friend
Hope we meet in Heaven
Where friendship never ends"
"Yesterday I was your friend,
Today I'm still your friend,
Don't worry about tomorrow.. I'll always be your friend"
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