www.borowitzreport.com ! ANGELINA JOLIE, BONO SIGN MIDEAST PEACE ACCORD ! ! ! Israel, Hezbollah Not Consulted ! ! ! Hopes for a lasting peace in the Middle East were raised ! today when a comprehensive Mideast peace accord was signed by ! Hollywood actress Angelina Jolie and Bono, the lead singer of ! the rock band U2. ! ! Just hours after Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice made a ! surprise visit to Beirut to confer with Lebanese officials, ! Dr. Rice found that her efforts were largely upstaged by the ! high-wattage amateur diplomacy of the two global superstars. ! ! "When I saw the conflict in the Middle East spiraling out of ! control, I recognized that there were only two parties who ! could sit down at a negotiating table and bring peace to the ! region," Ms. Jolie told reporters today at a press conference ! in Jerusalem. "And those two parties were me and Bono." ! ! After reaching out to Bono to make her historic offer of a ! lasting peace, Ms. Jolie dropped off her infant child Shiloh ! Jolie-Pitt with a babysitter in Namibia and jetted for the ! Middle East. ! ! But even as Ms. Jolie and Bono signed their landmark Mideast ! peace accord, representatives from both Israel and Hezbollah ! complained that neither of them had been consulted "at all" ! about the terms of the agreement. ! ! "That's true, we did not consult them," Ms. Jolie told ! reporters. "We thought long and hard about it, and Bono and ! I came to the conclusion that Israel and Hezbollah would only ! screw things up." ! ! Elsewhere, hospitalized due to his hunger strike, former ! Iraqi president Saddam Hussein demanded that doctors remove ! his feeding tube because it was interfering with his ability ! to make incoherent anti-American outbursts. ! ! ! www.borowitzreport.com ! ! Waste Someone's Time: Forward to a Friend: ! http://mcsv.net/cgi-bin/redir?MCid=paChkBlZ32dPsHo33KbY&email= ! [EMAIL PROTECTED]&rec=6547 ! ! ! Sign up today for your own Borowitz Reports, click the link ! below or paste it into your browser. ! ! http://mcsv.net/cgi-bin/redir?MCid=7v4O82FSfQdPsHo33KbY ! !
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