http://www.arabnews.com/?page=7§ion=0&article=66317&d=3&m=7&y=2005&pix=opinion.jpg&category=Opinion
Sunday, 3, July, 2005 (26, Jumada al-Ula, 1426)
Battered Wives and Women Under Stress
Dr. Khaled Batarfi, [EMAIL PROTECTED]
My last article "Justice for Women: Some Urgent Steps" generated many
positive and passionate responses. Huda, my niece, for instance, decried the
way countless women are denied marriage to men of their choice. They are
pressured to marry relatives or from rich and well-connected families.
Too many parents ignore Islam's instructions to let their girls choose.
This is a symptom of how they regard women as incapable of deciding for
themselves. A girl, they fear, would go for a handsome, romantic suitor rather
than a solid man of character, achievement and position.
When life becomes hell for wives, they have to endure it because no one -
judge and society - would accept their grounds for divorce. Psychological
satisfaction is not good enough of a reason for separation in lots of courts of
law and public opinion.
Many divorced women are brutally punished. They take most of the blame
for the marriage's failure. While a man, especially with no kids, can remarry a
woman of his choice, his divorced wife hardly can. The stigma of being a
divorcee limits her choices and timeline. In lots of cases, she goes from one
prison to another. This and the risk of losing her kid's custody force many
abused wives to stay the course. A hell you know, they figure, is better than
the one you don't.
Needless to say, this should not be tolerated in an Islamic society.
Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, told us that the best of us are the
kindest to their women. He set a great example in the way he treated his women
with respect, love and kindness. His first wife, Khadija, was also his boss.
His young wife, Aisha was his consultant in matters of politics and governance.
We are supposed to follow his example to be Muslims, so why we don't?
Here is a sample of the best response:
"As I read this, I thought of a young Saudi lady who has struggled with
similar issues. Although she was fortunate to have a family who finally
recognized the depth of her despair/abuse and allowed her to return home with
the child, she now faces the stigma of being a divorced woman and the
associated restrictions attached by society.
In particular, her movements are continually watched and she is under
pressure to remarry another of any number of older suitors. One can only
imagine the stress and duress she finds herself in at the moment on a daily
basis.
Of course, when one considers a younger male of closer proximity in age
and hopefully, more compatible in interests, problems arise there as well due
to the stigma of "divorce". Sadly, the girl feels the only freedom available to
her is another marriage, but to whom?
Naturally, her experience has given her a level of maturity beyond her
age - a maturity others of her age cannot even begin to comprehend. In essence,
this young lady feels trapped by life's circumstances.
There is so much more that Saudi society can do and give to their
precious females - the benefits of which would be felt by all of society.
However, it will take many strong courageous voices standing together to
be heard, and with the reminder that these humane changes are within Islam and
present no moral degradation of society.
I tell my young friend that she is strong and that I pray for her to
maintain her strength and courage to face life as it is before her. I encourage
her to ensure that her actions always include her own prayers to seek guidance
and strength from God. Although not related by blood, she became my daughter
through a deeper kinship while I resided in KSA. My heart aches for her." - Mary
"Domestic violence is a prevalent crime being committed against women not
just in Saudi Arabia but in numerous Muslim countries. From the well known
Mukhtaran Mai case in Pakistan to last year's headlining case of Saudi Rania
Al-Baaz to Karachi's Dr. Siddiqi's brutal assault and so many more DV cases
against so many helpless women. We should be ashamed as Muslims for not
speaking up against this! Women, specially caring and devoted mothers, are
national treasures and future makers, as it is mostly under their nurturing new
generations are made." - Your Sister in Islam
"We just cannot keep quiet and let such "criminal acts" continue. Justice
cannot be denied and severe punishments must be dealt to stop those who claim
to be Muslims and abuse their wives. Prevalent violence against women is
becoming a phenomenon that might turn into a habit if we don't take appropriate
actions." - Khalid Al-Mutairi
I hear you sisters and brothers and pray the whole nation hears you and
does something about this disgraceful phenomenon.
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