[QUAD-L] AWNAA

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WASHINGTON, DC  (AP) - Congress approved  sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for many Americans. The  Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by President John Kerry  shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of  the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. "Roughly 50  percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve  out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Kerry, a longtime AWNAA  supporter. "This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to  be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be  able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do  a better job, or have some idea of what they are doing", said Kerry. President Kerry  pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing  policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 80  percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this agency the single  largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Private sector  industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept include  retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home improvement "warehouse"  stores (65%) President Kerry  has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of Nonabled people for  top government positions, including many cabinet-level jobs. Under the  Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle man" positions  will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility,  thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance. Mandatory  non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to guarantee upward  mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides  substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain a significant level of  Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a tax credit to small and  medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented  hires. Finally, the  AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate  against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you  have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have any skills or experience which  relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?" "As a Nonabled  person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for  them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM  plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job skills. "This new law  should really help people like me." With the passage  of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can finally see a  light at the end of the tunnel. Said Kerry, "It  is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless  of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great  nation."