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Nine years ago I was at the mindset that if someone dated or got married via the Internet .. they were nutso & should be institutionalized for the mentally insane! LOL
Seven years ago I married my current husband whom I met on the net! Like in any way of meeting ... caution is advised. And the net is a great place for anonymity (hiding things, obtaining a "net" identity vs the real person, etc) but it can and does happen! And, now, more than ever.
I wasn't 'looking' at the time. It just happened. I didn't use any of the "find your mate" sites (like EHarmony.com, etc) that flood the net today since they virtually didn't exist then. Just met in a chat room. From my own life experiences I don't think things happen by chance. I think it was meant to be.
Despite a 15-yr age difference and previous relationships for both of us ... we've made it work. Our biggest problem is him falling into a caregiver role from unforseen circumstances. Did my husband realize all the problems quads face? Not in his wildest wet dream! Mostly how the system of quality home care sux, care in general, MediCARE horror and dozens of others.
He's one in a million and mine!
Don't knock the net as a resource! By emailing thousands of emails (living 2000+ miles apart) we learned more abt each other AS PEOPLE not whether we were disabled, overweight, etc. When dating "in person" in no way can people talk openly and comfortably about hot sex issues and things that can be put in a letter that ya just don't "say" when seeing others in person.
Hard to describe. Phone sex was great when we graduated from email to phone! And, being leary, it took me months to give him my phone#.
Anyway, here we are still married despite going through hellacious times (2 severe wounds of mine, him getting laid off, him needing respite - like now with family unwilling to sacrifice, and much more).
The net is an option. I've now met others who met that way since.
Lori
-------Original Message-------
Date: 01/10/05 13:13:02
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Frustration/sensitive
I too, am very optimistic around people and don't show that being in a chair
bothers me--I laugh, etc. too. There just are not any guys where I go! I
regularly take my service dog to the university track and do a mile with
him. A lot of times I'm the only one there, or if there are others they
'may' say something when we pass each other, but thats it. They are also
younger now--low to mid 20's
and with all the cute girls that go by and wear those little short tops, and
have no quad belly, its rather hopeless. The public trail I go on is more
my age types, but there again other than a short 'its a beautiful day', they
keep jogging or bicycle by. At dog training class its 99 per cent women.
The one man is married.
I have not tried church yet. The one I grew up in is a block away. By the
time I remember its Sunday, its too late or I'm wearing the worse tee-shirt
I have!
Both of my step-brothers found their wives at church. They were in their
30's and married divorced women with one daughter.
This is turning into venting, so I will stop. take care,
Dana and ?
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, January 09, 2005 8:28 PM
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Frustration/sensitive
In my situation, my self esteem is good. I know that I am a good person. I
have a lot to offer. I have a good sense of humor and one about being in a
wheelchair. I don't show that anything lets me down when I am around
people. I have even rolled up to guys when I'm out and complimented them on
something (smile, eyes, etc.) I have no issues with flirting, it just
doesn't go anywhere. When I compliment them they say thank you and that's
that.
Stacy
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, January 09, 2005 2:17 PM
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Frustration/sensitive
Thats a good introspective concern! I had not really thought of it in
that
way--at least not to that extent. I know my self asteem is not that good,
my eye contact either. I need to re-learn how to flirt! I used to be
very
good at it. A glass or 2 of wine or a drink will loosen me up, make me
talk more and flirt. But I don't hang out in bars or know anyone that
does,
well I do have one attendant.......hmmm.
There is no magic pill. I think it "might" be neat to do one of those
dating classes--speed dating I think its called? They probably cost too
much. They say to go to places you like to do and there might be a single
there that likes the same thing, thus there is a commonality already.
Running out of response.-- :>:D take
care,
Dana and ?
----- Original Message -----
From: "Houston809"
To: "Stacy Harim"
Sent: Saturday, January 08, 2005 6:18 PM
Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Frustration/sensitive
Stacy,
I¹m not thinking that it¹s really that difficult 2 find a person that¹ll
be
there in a meaningful relationship. I have some problems but some of them
it¹s more me than them. So don¹t think that I¹m going against anything
I¹ve
said. But I know that a big part of not having someone is my doing... It
could also be others now sometimez we have 2 step back (ROLL BACK) and
look
at ourselves in the mirror. Would I want 2 be with me if the circumstances
were reversed?
Houston
On 1/8/05 1:13 PM, "Stacy Harim"
> Your right in the aspect of everyday life. Of course I know that. The
> statement was related to relationships. Para's are still seen as
> paralyzed.
> In the aspect of getting looked at as a sexual being is just as hard for
> para's to face. To the opposite sex paralyzed is paralyzed.
>
> Stacy
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>
>>
>>
>> Sent: Saturday, January 08, 2005 12:20 PM
>>
>> Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Frustration/sensitive
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> That statement shouldn't hurt anyone. It's true... Paras have it
easier
>> than
>> quads. Just like a C5 like me has it easier than a C4. The more
moement
>> you
>> have, the more you can do for yourself. If it's not a fact, than show
me
>> someone who would volunteer to break their spine a few levels higher.
>>
>> Greg
>>
>>
>>
>> "Stacy I wasn't implying that para's have it easier I was just saying
if
>> I
>> had a good "Grip" I could help myself!"
>
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