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Hey JT,
My name is Mark a C5/6 quad 6 years post.
This story sounds familiar and you'll probably get lots of
replies that understand exactly what you're going through. I was 34
when I dove off my party barge and life changed dramatically as you
know.
I spent 2 1/2 years in a nursing home before I figured out how
to go home and put my life together. The wives and husbands usually
the first to go and soon you find out who your friends are.
My story was quite like yours when I came home, my business partner
sleeping with my girl friend in my house and his wife took care of me
briefly. I lost my house vehicles and while in rehab my girl sold or
pawned most everything in my house including some things very special to
me like my guitars and guns and so on.
Life goes on my friend so get your positive attitude back and
start putting your life together.
I went back to work in construction as a job supervisor and
my son now lives with me and life is good.
Intimacy is a hard subject to deal with and don't give up on love
partner you never know when she'll walk or even roll into your life but
don't get in a hurry, make this one count.
I'm still a quad virgin at 40 years old now and I'm still looking
for that girl. It seems geography is my worse enemy, I've met
ladies on-line that would be a great catch for any man but getting
together is a big problem but I'm patient so hang in there man.
Get a plan and start working on it.
Write down the challenges in front of you and mark them off your
list as you conquer them, we're still the same person inside and
you can still be a chef because I know of a quad chef and I'll try to
find his web site and e-mail for you.
I can't figure out where his link is but here's an
interesting read for you.
Mark
-------Original
Message-------
Date: 07/28/05
16:48:07
Subject: [QUAD-L]
LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK...
Dear Quad-list,
My life has been filled with its biggest challenges in the
past year. August 2, 2004 I had a life-changing diving
accident that left me paralyzed from my chest down. I'm
considered a quadriplegic because I have a little inervasion in my
triceps and wrist flexors and I don't have any independent
movement of my fingers.
I was a 31-year-old, married, father of two, a successful
chef, and a modern man of the house. After my accident, it was unclear
what I would be able to do. The doctors made no promises, but
I was told that my injury is considered incomplete, which means there's
a chance to regain at least some movement and sensation.
I spent a total of 115 days away from home. Most
of that time was spent in rehab learning how to do such simple things as
feed myself, bathe myself, sit up, and how to use what movement I have
to be as independent as I can.
While I was away from home, the community rallied in
support. There were several fundraisers, all aimed at
renovating my house for me and my wheelchair. There were many
volunteers, friends, family, and complete strangers that donated money,
time, prayers, or just generous words of support.
Every day I looked forward to coming home. I
would speak with my wife every evening, and she would come to visit
almost every weekend. Even though it was a little rocky, I
always thought we would make it work. We'd been together for
over 10 years, married for almost six. I always thought we
were soul-mates and would grow old together. We are now
facing separation. I guess no one knows what they would do if
their spouse became permanently handicapped.
How do you know if you're not in the situation?
Lots of people have told me that life goes on, you can do
anything you could before, just a little different. I heard many success
stories of people who went on to have successful careers, marriages, and
families after a spinal cord injury.
I was especially very positive in the beginning, when I had
the support of therapists and specialists. My positive attitude faded
when I came home, I became very depressed. I stopped
exercising except for physical therapy, and began
self-medicating. I was very frustrated with the things I used
to be able to do at home.
There was a" friend" who had been staying at my house for
several months who was helping my wife with many of the things I used to
do around the house. I was only home for two weeks before they became
intimate.
The Monday after New Year's she told me she wanted to move
out, a week later she told me what had happened and had been going on
for a month. I thought I could share her. It was
only a matter of months before I snapped. She has left me the
house, and acquired an apartment down the street for her and the kids,
so they can come and visit often.
I don't know where
I would be if it wasn't for a couple of close friends who have moved
into my house to help me.
How do I move on? I believe I have a lot to offer, I used to
think we would be together forever, now I'm craving companionship,
intimacy, and someone to be close to.
I am grateful for any advice and or feedback,
Truly yours, Paralyzed and Confused in the Adirondacks
JT... 32 YO... C6... ALMOST 1 YR
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