Re: [QUAD-L] celebrations

[River Wolfe]

Lana, I really like Dave's answer and at some point I think you and Gabe may be able to do that, have celebrations when you want, where you want.  For right now though, It seems as though you're so angry at not  being heard, you need to express your anger and hurt feelings more than anything.  I too have been terribly hurt by the insensitivity of others.  When I had my accident, I spent my first CHristmas with no one.  Like Dave's suggestion, I did celebrate with friends on days other than  Christmas, but I had NO family on Christmas.  They all live in Tx and I'm here in Ohio.  Since that time, Christmas has never really felt the same for me.  Each year I let go of some of my hurt from that time, but I still will never believe in the magic of Christmas as I did before my accident.  What the hell is all the fuss about when my family doesn't even care enough to come up (or pay for me to come down) for that "special time"?  I always avoid CHristmas family shows too, for I know life isn't like a Hallmark movie, it's full of hurt and unmet expectations.  It's up to us to make the best of it however that may be.  I have come up with some traditions on my own and haven't spent Christmas with my biological family in at least 12 yrs.  Unless you live with me, you will never get my life.  True for everyone on this list. For those who wish to come out of denial and "get it" by honoring our requests and needs, they deserve nothing less than our love and respect, and a hearty thank you for braving  the truth.   Peace and Love, River Does this sound familiar?   For years my family had all celebrations and gatherings at their homes. When Gabe had his injury I insisted that some should be here. Over the past ten years it has been like I was begging. I would explain all the issues- access to the house, toilet, ----. I won them into coming over here now and again. Over the past couple years they started saying we had too many holidays over here. Of course for them they only count Christmas & Thanksgiving. They do not count birthdays, family reunions or just plain get togethers that occur at their houses. When it comes to big family gatherings I am just speaking French. I am ashamed. I would go to some activities because I wouldn’t see family from out of town otherwise. Gabe would stay home or find other things to do. No one in the family ever asked, seemed concerned, they just wanted to do their thing. I have explained and bugged so much.  This has been an ongoing war and I just do not understand how they can’t understand. We can use a portable ramp on one house. The rest are really inaccessible. I am also ashamed that we have lifted Gabe and his chair into houses. He was very unhappy about this so it stopped. However, they do not understand the problems with lifting chairs despite me explaining it and continue to say we should do it.   Gabe has not really been part of the war. I guess I felt his isolation from family events was enough.   Well I just got tired of the games, the pleading and Gabe still not being able to be a part of our family. I gave my sister all of the gifts when she came over to get them on the 23rd so they could open the gifts at her house on Christmas. This broke the camels back. I explained the problem to her one more time. We even gave her an outline so she could read about Gabe’s needs. Her responses blew me away. So I told her she no longer had a sister. We were no longer part of the family and we would not participate in any family celebrations. We would develop a new group to celebrate with and be around.  She was blown away and acted like she hadn’t heard this stuff before.   Was I too harsh? I just couldn’t play there game anymore and leave Gabe out.   What do you guys do?   Lana, Gabe’s mom 10 years post, C4-5