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Hey Eric,
My niece has a mo-in-law from Hell but Amy's Mom
makes her look like a saint!
I may have misread or got confused at the end of
your email but you first wrote"
"Anyway, Amy knows her mother is way to stressful to tell
before she's
well into her third trimester, but we're thinking about
not telling them
before at all. Amy's afraid that, if her mother comes to
see her in the
hospital, she will say something horrible and ruin the
birth
experience. She hasn't decided whether to call afterwards
or just send
her parents a birth announcement. I said we should just
send them a
high school graduation picture. lol This is just for
the birth."
and then wrote:
"They will ask her to bring the baby over but only if she
comes alone. That's what they told her at Christmas."
So DOES her mother know of the pregnancy or not?
Or is the last sentence above meaning
IF Amy ever got pregnant?
Sometimes men REALLY have to look at what they're
getting themselves into. But, with a baby coming now,
it's irrelevant.
My advice is that you ARE a couple now. And
couple's need to set boundaries as to what is and isn't
allowed to go on regarding extended family,
friends, etc to ENSURE BOTH OF YOU of happiness.
I watch Dr. Phil alot and his advice to couples
and in-laws (for a wedding as one example) is that
IT IS THE BRIDE AND GROOM'S DAY -- NO ONE ELSE'S!
They can invite who they want, where
they want and when they want. The same holds true
for other instances.
You and Amy need to sit down and talk extensively
as the adults you are. Amy must
respect your needs & wishes as you respect
hers. Boundaries and timelines to LAY DOWN THE
LAW need to happen starting TODAY!
My niece and her husband have let his mother wreak
havoc upon their lives because of not
saying "no" when they've needed to. And much
more. They've enabled her for 7 yrs now to
be the invasive bitch she is. NOW they're
scrambling to reconstruct and set boundaries after
7 yrs of essentially teaching her it's ok to be a
burden and thorn in their lives. PAYING THE
PRICE.
THEY DIDN'T STOP IT THEN. YOU & AMY HAVE THAT
CHANCE NOW!
What worries me the most is you saying that Amy
has a severe need for family approval especially
from mommy. That in itself is a recipe for
disaster because she'll NEVER meet up to this woman's
expectations. And Amy needs to KNOW this ...
prolly via counseling.
And I hate to ring this bell but ALL TOO OFTEN ...
men learn later that they've married
their mother-in-law. Women OFTEN take after their
mothers and it may take 20 yrs to see it but it's true.
It is my opinion that knowing of this apple cart
and bringing a baby into it is a crime. I'm NOT
saying to have an abortion. I'm just surprised
the family situation is that dysfunctional and
pregnancy happened. You're smart enough Eric to
have taken all precautions AGAINST
pregnancy until the time was right. But that is
irrelevant now too *sigh*
Amy needs counseling badly! Maybe individually
and couple's counseling.
You need to stop the insanity before it ruins your
life. I've seen it happen a hundred times.
You'll resent Amy in a few years unless action is
taken beginning today! As the male ... your
role is to provide & protect. Letting this
manipulator poison your life WILL kill your spirit in
a short time.
One idea ... so that Amy's Mom cannot hide in
sheep's clothing ... is to get counseling from her Pastor!
Regardless of faith unless Catholic :-(
You mentioned many incidents. Now it's time for
solutions! Boundary-setting AS A COUPLE
is a beginning.
Lori Michaelson
Age - 41
C4/5 complete quad, 26 years post
Tucson, AZ
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