Joe, that is one tremendous post. It expresses perfectly so many of the things we all deal with. You, sir, have eloquence and insight, a powerful combination.
Sent from my iPad Begin forwarded message: > Resent-From: [email protected] > From: Joe Olson <[email protected]> > Date: November 9, 2014 at 7:07:39 PM EST > To: [email protected] > Cc: [email protected], "[email protected]" <[email protected]> > Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Re: Monkey shines > > I think Monkey Shines was relatively benign compared to Million Dollar Baby. > When people who have not had a spinal cord are presented with a vision of > despair, they feel it's the physical situation not the social, monetary > issues and lack of support. Somehow just because we are in wheelchairs > suicide is a valid response to adversity? I've thought of suicide, I don't > think these feelings are anything to do with disability but a natural > response to fatigue and the temptation of the unknown. I know that all it > would take is a roll off the edge of the pier but I can sit on it and read my > book without giving into the waves siren song. I feel most able bodied > people don't really understand what it means to be disabled. They see us and > usually say "their life is so difficult, I could never live like that". And > you know what? they have no Fuckin clue what they would be like if they were > disabled. They may turn out to be super quads or slide into despair or be > somewhere inbetween. Or depending on what day, any of those things. The > difference between us and them is that we have been tested and we know. > 95% or more of the time everything is just normal. Its not about our > wheelchairs, legbags etc. Its about our relationships with our friends and > family, its getting up going to work and repeat, its the search for > acknowledgment, respect and human connection. They see us in our wheelchairs > as a symbol of constant pain and loss not that we are just people. > On the other hand, we know pain, like when our cath is plugged and our heart > rate soars, our sheets are soaked in urine and sweat but our chills are > ignored as the headaches increase to the point we feel were going to have an > anuerism and we fall asleep somehow not knowing what the morning will bring. > We know the shame of shitting our pants in public and needing to excuse > ourselves while people exclaim to eachother "whats that smell" and "it smells > like shit in here" and we still need to ride the bus back for an hour before > waiting another 2hrs for an aide to show up. We know what it's like as a > grown adult to have our mothers have to stick their finger up our ass or > straight cath us. We know the inevitable feeling of helplessness as a > pressure sore we have no clue how we acquired continues to worsen. We know a > bed is prison and a chair is freedom. We have awoken in the middle of the > night suffocating in our own phlem unable to cough or call for help and how > to fight the panic as we start to feel "fuzzy". We know that our fear of an > unreliable aide not showing up isn't paranoia but self preservation. We know > that we are not invincible. > Able bodied people like to say ridiculous things like "God only gives you > what you can handle". The truth is the ones who cant handle it are not here > anymore. We are like combat veterans who never take off their uniforms. Our > "battle" stories are not the glorious stuff of legend but of base animal > survival that cant be understood- only pitied by those who haven't > experienced it. We have been tested and we are those who have what it takes. > We are the strong. > I have to admit, I loved "Monkey Shines" the old school assistve tech was > amazing. . Million Dollar Baby scared the shit out of me. SCI changed me, > made me a different person. Pre injury I would not have been able to make a > valid decision about the enjoyment and worth my life has had. From the bleak > picture Clint portrayed, I could imagine millions of people signing advanced > directives killing off our future comrades. In effect making a decision > about the worth of another person's- a hypothetical future self's- life. > Sorry for the rant, > Joe > >> On Sat, Nov 8, 2014 at 11:03 PM, <[email protected]> wrote: >> every quad is different. if you were in enough pain perhaps you would >> understand it. i'm usually hurting in the morning, haven't had the chance to >> over use my body. >> 35 post injury and I have a wife and 3 kids life sucks some times. Taking >> pills and booze does not change that. If 6 out of 10 quads try to kill >> themselves then it is what it is. I am a C5/6 quad and I have pain because >> of over use etc and I don't understand the massive use of pain meds. >> >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: Brian P Swift <[email protected]> >> To: diannal767 <[email protected]> >> Sent: Thu, Nov 6, 2014 1:26 pm >> Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Re: Monkey shines >> >> 35 post injury and I have a wife and 3 kids life sucks some times. Taking >> pills and booze does not change that. If 6 out of 10 quads try to kill >> themselves then it is what it is. I am a C5/6 quad and I have pain because >> of over use etc and I don't understand the massive use of pain meds. >> >> Brian P. Swift >> brianpswift.com >> https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100006859653620 >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: diannal767 <[email protected]> >> To: r.pracht <[email protected]>; quad-list <[email protected]> >> Sent: Thu, Nov 6, 2014 11:50 am >> Subject: Re: [QUAD-L] Re: Monkey shines >> >> i agree with you ron. i thought about it alot in the 1st year. my grand >> daughter, that i speak of often, keeps me going. she brightens my world >> immensely. she's 11. she lives in the same small neighborhood as i. she is >> very, considerate and considers others feelings most of the time. cool >> personality. she came home monday crying because her best friend (a >> diabetic) had to go to the hospital. i asked if she was okay and yes she was >> but isabella was pissed because the friend wasn't compliant with her >> medicine. i know i'm way off topic and rambling but my point is, she gives >> me reason to live. a feeling that someone needs me to talk to and often >> tells me things swearing me to secrecy. she does however remind me that i'm >> stuck in this chair. we listen to music on you tube, she dances & i wish soo >> much i could dance, ride bikes, etc. before she was born, i kept going and >> was happiest when i was on prozac and beer....just being honest here. >> dianna >> > I'm in the process of watching Monkey Shines right now (Wed 2:47 pm). The >> > doc just said 6 out of ten quads attempt suicide. He didn't say how many >> > were successful. What do you guys think about that number? I've thought >> > about it many times but never actually attempted. Thoughts of my family >> > always pull me out of it. If I were absolutely alone and in a nursing >> > home, might be a different story. Or maybe not. I dunno. >> >> >> >> -----Original Message----- >> From: RONALD L PRACHT <[email protected]> >> To: quad-list <[email protected]> >> Sent: Wed, Nov 5, 2014 8:55 pm >> Subject: [QUAD-L] Re: Monkey shines >> >> after my last surgery I went back to my swimming and lifting as soon as >> possible. Upon returning my coach told me "you are a fucked up quad Ron". I >> said "no Steve the fucked up quads are at home and never go out" >> >> Ron >> >> >> On Wednesday, November 5, 2014 7:45 PM, Larry Willis >> <[email protected]> wrote: >> >> >> Well said, Ron. I think you expressed the feelings of many of us. >> >> On Wednesday, November 5, 2014, RONALD L PRACHT <[email protected]> >> wrote: >> I have thought about suicide many times. Its not really to do with being a >> quad in itself.............its the pain, hurt, being shunned, what could >> have beens, people throwing the blame on you, watching other people live >> full lives while you struggle to hold your own or make small gains. The >> times where I have been happy I was doing things, going places with >> girlfriends, doing my swimming..........then things were good and life was >> worth it. Its a very slippery slope as a quad if you have little support. >> >> Im sure someone on here will tell how life is better now as a quad and they >> make more money now and women just knock the door down to sleep with them. >> Its really about your support system and some about self motivation. I have >> seen people on both ends of the spectrum and everywhere in between. enjoy >> the ride while you can. >> >> ron >> >> >> On Wednesday, November 5, 2014 2:09 PM, Gmail <[email protected]> >> wrote: >> >> >> >> I already know exactly how I am going to carry it out when my pain gets bad >> enough. Bobbie >> >> Smile Everyday >> >> > On Nov 5, 2014, at 2:55 PM, Larry Willis <[email protected]> wrote: >> > >> > I'm in the process of watching Monkey Shines right now (Wed 2:47 pm). The >> > doc just said 6 out of ten quads attempt suicide. He didn't say how many >> > were successful. What do you guys think about that number? I've thought >> > about it many times but never actually attempted. Thoughts of my family >> > always pull me out of it. If I were absolutely alone and in a nursing >> > home, might be a different story. Or maybe not. I dunno. >
