These are great...
David
If you
don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do
read the newspaper you are misinformed.--Mark
Twain
On 8/5/2010 9:35 AM, Chris Hahn wrote:
The
Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once
again invited readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a
house, which
renders the subject financially impotent
for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and
an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax
refund, which lasts
until you realize
it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a
hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding
stupid people that
stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation
about yourself for the
purpose of getting laid..
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very,
very high.
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and
the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously
when you are
running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease.
(This one got
extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody
is sending off all
these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of
getting through the
day consuming
only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid
ideas to seem smarter
when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic
dance performed
just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of
a mosquito, that
gets into your bedroom at three in the
morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn
after finding
half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The
Washington Post has also
published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in
which readers are asked to
supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one
coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by
discovering how much weight
one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever
having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation
while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering
the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that
picks up someone who
has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding
hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on
an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified
bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his
conversation with
Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that,
after death, the soul
flies up onto
the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of
boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men
--
Centroids: The Center of the Radical Centrist Community
<[email protected]>
Google Group: http://groups.google.com/group/RadicalCentrism
Radical Centrism website and blog: http://RadicalCentrism.org
--
Centroids: The Center of the Radical Centrist Community <[email protected]>
Google Group: http://groups.google.com/group/RadicalCentrism
Radical Centrism website and blog: http://RadicalCentrism.org
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