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February 09, 2005 The Theory of Blogitivity As the current "_King of the Blogs_ (http://kingofblogs.mu.nu/archives/066514.php) ", I must defend my crown by responding to a Challenge Question. This week's Challenge... "Explain the Theory of Blogativity" Enjoy the explanation and, if you have a moment, follow _this link to the KotB site _ (http://kingofblogs.mu.nu/archives/066514.php) and cast your vote for Radical Centrist! The Theory of Blogitivity By Reynolds T. Hughwit, popularly known as "Professor Pundit" No doubt you have all heard of one of the most important new theories from within the arcane world of Theoretical Punditry and Rhetorical Truth. I know that many or you are intimidated by this seemingly impenetrable theory about this most obscure phenomenon, but fear not. I have for you here a brief and nearly comprehensible summary that confuse you much less that _those other writers_ (http://instapundit.com/archives/017006.php) . I have a much more complete and entirely understandable description written, but I'm saving that for my upcoming book, "Why books are obsolete". History and Background There was a time when the world seemed rational and easy to follow. Ideas moved in straight lines from mind to mind. Stories moved in lazy arcs, in simple linear text, with a beginning, middle and end. While the pundits of the day recognized that not all truth was known, there was general agreement that it existed and could be known, through the application of good ol' common sense. This peaceful world view was rocked by the accidental discovery by _Tim Berners-Lee at CERN _ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Berners-Lee) of a means of "linking" into a strange new hyperspace. Scientists dropped attempts to navigate the impenetrable "_gopherspace_ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gopherspace) " which was found to be only accessible to nerds. Like so many new lands, this new hyper-world lay largely unexplored until _someone decided there was gold _ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netscape_Communications_Corporation) there. Great fortunes and even a few minds were lost in the mad rush to get rich, but all was not ruin and loss. Something exciting...even frightening was discovered. Near the turn of the millennium observers noted the appearance of previously unobserved nodes in the way thought was moving. These inflection points, or "Blogs" were associated with strange effects that could not be explained by the old theories of rhetoric, logic and common sense. Thus was born the science of Blogativistics, from which we have generated the Theory of Blogativity. What Are These Blog Things? No doubt you ever heard someone speaking about these "Blogs" and have thought, "How rude!", or "does that person need a handkerchief?" I assure you that blogs, while exceedingly strange to the ordinary mind, are perfectly acceptable for polite conversation. There is no moral risk in observing them, and only a small and manageable intellectual risk, the only observed side effects being a mild obsession and a tendency to blurt out "screedy rants" when confronted with any disagreeable idea. One of the most disturbing aspects of blogs, for those stuck in a "rational" mind set, is their dual nature. A blog is both a place you go, and, a thing you do (or, at least, a thing that some people do.) It is hard for us to imagine something that can be two things at once, but blogs are better described not as two things but as nothing. A blog is actually a virtual place, that only comes into existence when someone observes it. The action of the observer is vital and inseparable to blogativity. This idea is captured in the memorable question, "If a bloggers posts and no one reads it, does he make a noise?" or in the famous thought experiment, The Bloggers Cat. (The idea is can be summarized t husly: "If a _photo of your cat is posted on a blog_ (http://thinking-cat.blog-city.com/read/981470.htm) , it is neither 'cute' nor 'awful' until it is observed, thereupon its appeal-potential-field collapses", or perhaps the viewer collapses, I can never remember that part). The varying nature of Blogs is thought to be determined by the mix of their constituent particles, dubbed "Quirks". They come in seven "flavors", Left, Right, Upward Gazing, Grounded, Military, Mindless and the most common form, Naval Contemplative. We realize that seven flavors are a lot less than Baskin Robbins but Blogativity is a young theory. Be patient! The Speed of Meme? It was once thought that the pace at which ideas and truth moved across minds was limited only by our technology. Blogatists have found, however, that there is a very definite "speed of meme" at which all thought, including even off-color jokes, move through blog-space. From this realization sprout a veritable thornbush of startling conclusions. We had once thought that the dimensions of political space and the framework of logic and truth were fixed and inviolate, but this is now known to be untrue. If the speed of meme is fixed, then the other dimensions must vary (it's a rule somewhere, I think its one of those amendments to the constitution) This means that as thought in the blogosphere approaches the speed of meme, it bends and distorts. Liberals will defend tyrants, and conservatives will want to change everything. The normally linear flow of logic towards truth is warped, and rationale argument disappears into an alternate reality. It sounds terrifying, but its actually quite fun! Imagine being free of the tiresome restrictions of common reality, of inconvenient facts and the loathsome burden of good sense! Many of my fellow academics, long thirsty for exactly this sort of freedom, have embraced blogativity, and have thrown rational thought to the wind. We now apply the blogistic concept of "de-coherance" to our writing, allowing all form and structure in our thinking to breakup into a powerful randomness. Some of our most _incoherent professors _ (http://www.thedenverchannel.com/news/4179174/detail.html) are achieving new celebrity as a result. The Uncertainty Principle You have no doubt heard of the Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Blogistics. This is one of the most frequently cited findings from the Theory of Blogativity. Unfortunately, it's also the least well defined. There are those who state it as, " You can determine a blogger's position, or you can determine where his argument is going, but you cannot determine both". Others point of that this is a pointless observation, and explain the Uncertainty Principle saying, "You can't be sure that I am right, but you can be damn sure that HE is wrong!". I've even heard it expressed that the Uncertainty Principle holds that "nobody knows what the hell they're talking about", but that is a trivially obvious observation. Personally, I've always thought of the famed Uncertainty Principle as "that Principle about who's meaning I am Uncertain". Works for me! Observed Effects of Blogativity Experimental Blogatists have observed several strange effects that are directly ascribed to Blogativity. The most obvious of these occurs when two meme-flows intersect. They interact with one another creating a pattern of alternating bands called a _Fisk-Pattern_ (http://www.kimberlyswygert.com/archives/001816.html) . You should be cautioned that staring overlong at one of these fisk-patterns can induce vertigo and headache, and even, in extreme cases, induce catalepsy, or a violent phenomenon called Involuntary Rant. When the accumulated mass of words and memes, accreting around a blog, reaches an extreme point the induced curvature of truth and rationality becomes infinite, and the blog collapses to become a black-bloghole, a space from which no coherent thought can escape. The existence of these rarities has been debated, but we now believe that an _actual black-bloghole _ (http://www.democraticunderground.com/) has been spotted. I'm often asked, "What would happen to someone who got sucked into one of these black-blogholes. It would not be a pleasant experience. As you approach the speed of meme you would be subject to strange _color distortion _ (http://theradicalcentrist.typepad.com/theradicalcentrist/images/BlogEffects1.jpg) and _physical contortion _ (http://theradicalcentrist.typepad.com/theradicalcentrist/images/BlogEffects2.jpg) (caution, explicit photos). As you approach the intelligence-horizon even your mind becomes warped (_more shocking photos_ (http://www.zombietime.com/sf_rally_november_3_2004/) ) until you pass beyond the reach of our reality. The most controversial observations seem to show that some writers have successfully exceeded the speed of meme, effectively going backwards in time. They appear to be able to _blog ideas before they could have had them. _ (http://instapundit.com/archives/017355.php) Personally I think this is just an extreme example of the breakdown of the link between cause (the event) and effect (the writers commentary). This traditional and once honored relationship is increasingly broken in the most flagrant manner. I blame the influence of television. Alternate Theory I'm required by law to mention that there is an alternate theory of blogativity, which holds that the whole thing was invented a few years ago in seven days by a bunch of Perl programmers. We serious Blogatists, however, don't take such superstitious rambling seriously. I hope you've enjoyed this overview of the exciting world of Blogativity. Next week I'll introduce you to the elementary particles which mediate the interaction between blogs, links (strong force), and pings (weak force.) Posted by Jay on February 9, 2005 -- Centroids: The Center of the Radical Centrist Community <[email protected]> Google Group: http://groups.google.com/group/RadicalCentrism Radical Centrism website and blog: http://RadicalCentrism.org
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