Lessons from Sun-Tzu . . . . Worthwhile short essay follows. . The principle, not incidentally, can be found in Sun Tzu's Art of War. The idea is useful in other contexts besides war. Namely, when on the offensive --speaking of almost kind of campaign, which can be political, religious, philosophical, etc-- it is always useful to provide an "out" for those who are on the firing line. . What kind of "out" depends on your objectives. In war the "out" may be a line of retreat for your adversary that is better for your army than other options.That is, you'd prefer the enemy to retreat northward, for example, to protect something you control in the south. Or maybe, if the enemy retreats to the north, he will need to deal with rough terrain and suffer additional casualties . When discussing a political campaign the "out" may be the alternatives you leave open for discussion. When the opponent is someone or some group you do not want to alienate, the "out" should be chosen with great care. You still may need to "attack," that is, criticize, correct, set right, etc, but since the objective is not the other's defeat, but new understanding, the worst thing that anyone can do is present an unattractive way out. . Simply blasting away is not good strategy. The question is : Do you want to "win," or do you want to provoke more fighting ? True, sometimes, as with enemies, fighting may be the best alternative. If you wish to destroy an opponent in detail, then a fight on your terms is optimal. But if you do not wish to destroy someone, merely bring about useful change, the last thing anyone could want is an on-going battle. . . Billy . . . ___________________________________________________ Philcooke.com _When You Confront an Adversary, Give Them a Way Out_ (http://philcooke.com/conflict-resolution/) A few years ago, a friend discovered wrongdoing on the part of her boss – who happened to also be her brother. She was perplexed about how to reveal the deceit, but eventually decided to act. Her problem was she went way over the top, and exposed her brother in a very public and humiliating way. Reacting in anger and being forced to retaliate, he ended up having her fired, and in the process, was able to sweep his wrongdoing under the rug. So what could have been an important revelation that could have benefitted the company, as well as my friend, only ended up getting her fired. If you decide to confront a co-worker or employer about anything at all, don’t back them into a corner. With no option, they’ll often fight back with shocking anger – and sometimes with resources you never expect. Instead, give them a way out. There’s a great story about _Winston Churchill_ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winston_Churchill) at a dinner for Commonwealth dignitaries one evening. During the meal, the chief of protocol approached Churchill and quietly informed him that one of the distinguished guests had slipped a silver salt shaker into his pocket. Rather than publicly confront the dignitary about the obviously stolen article, at the end of the meal, Churchill simply walked up to the offender and produced the matching pepper shaker from his own pocket. “Oh, dear,” he said, “we were seen. Perhaps we had both better put them back.” Crisis averted. Stolen item put back. In that moment, the culprit realized Churchill knew the truth, but he was allowed a moment of grace. Next time you have to confront someone, remember the silver salt shaker.
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