All,
This is an interesting subject. One that I have had first-hand experience with as a father. I now have 3 grown (?) children. Adam, soon to be 23. Amber just turned 21. And Mary, now 18.
Adam is in his third relationship. I believe this one will last. She is the children's pastor at his church and he is the youth worship leader and is studying for his credentials. The first was with a young lady that his mother and I were reluctant for him to see. This even though she was his mother's best friend's daughter. This was because she was sexually active in the past. God was merciful and it didn't last long. She has since had three children with three different men. The second was a fine Christian homeschooled girl. They had a very strong relationship but they struggled with the physical side. They remained pure but when she went away to school he stayed here at the counselling of both us and his Youth Pastor.
She met the captain of the cross-country team who was carrying a 4.0 in Biophysics and Adam was history. Seems that she and her mom felt that the "running doctor" had better prospects. Praise God, Adam turned to the Lord and has grown into His calling.
Amber is a born mom but is very picky with boys. She's waiting for the "One."Bravo for her.
Mary, who is in Master's Commission, has had a relationship with the pastor's son, a young man who couldn't make up his mind what color his hair would be from week to week and she just recently broke up with Matt whom she felt was "the One." She still feels this way but she won't compromise her principals. As a Master's student she is not allowed to "date" (as this is a distraction), Matt couldn't handle that and there were some other issues.
I wish Mary and Adam had "courted." In fact, their former Youth Pastor (now Adam's Sr. Pastor) believed in, encouraged, and taught the idea of courtship. The getting to know each other as people rather than boy/girl or man/woman. When he was in charge of the Master's Commission program there were 10 students at one point. Eight of which comprised 4 couples. There were no PDAs
(Public Displays of Affection) allowed. They were to be examples to the body of Youth. Of course, love being what it is, they all found ways to skirt the letter of the regulations without violating the spirit of them. One couple had their first kiss on their wedding day. All four of these couples are now in Youth ministry.
Mark, the youth pastor I spoke of is a homeschooler with 5 daughters and 3 sons.
My son Ben (13) had the misfortune to become infatuated with Mark's oldest, Taylor. When Mark discovered that they were exchanging e-mails he told Ben to back off. Ben thought he was kidding as he had been exchanging e-mails for months with Mark's second daughter, Destiny, until he discovered that Taylor had "set her cap" for him. He had thought she was the "unapproachable one."
Ben continued to send e-mails to Taylor, she telling him that her dad really wasn't serious, until Mark again discovered the correspondance. Whereupon he sent Ben a threatening e-mail, as much as accusing him of stalking his daughter. Ben backed off. Then Taylor wrote him saying don't worry about it. He wrote back "No way."Expressions of "love" were exchanged, Mark found out and DAD got the phone call. I was accused of passing along a generational curse to my sons from my time in the world and my son was NOT to have ANY contact with HIS daugh-ter.
You know, I can understand the idea of courting. Especially as a father of two daughters. I can understand thinking what a marvelous thing to not worry about my children having contact with the "other gender." But you know, my name's not Tevye, and although I love the movie "Fiddler on the Roof" I don't desire to orchestrate my daughters' and sons' lives to the point of telling them whom they can see and can't see. Yes, I worry about their choices. But, I also know what their Mom amd I have implanted in their hearts and let God nurture.
I've been a homeschooler. I've seen the gamut of behaviour.....from homeschooling parents. Sometimes we are so protective we are like wardens. We can be so heavenly minded we're no earthly good. No flames please. I'm talking about being so spiritual that we don't have time for the practical "walking out " of that spirituality, which is the bottom line, after all. If you don't believe me read the book of James. Sometimes we can be "fruitloops" instead of "fruitful." Hence, you have a situation where we believe God's Word for most things.....except trusting our kids to have a FRIENDSHIP with the opposite gender.
i don't know that I have properly responded to Duane's post or just opened up the worm can a little more. It is a "hard thing" being a dad nowadays. An even harder thing being a kid. I know that I will make mistakes. Have made 'em. But one thing I cherish. My kids and I still look each other in the eyes. And we still talk. And we still listen. We still argue and fuss. And we still pray together.
Duane, tell Josh it's OK. Dad's just doing his best as he sees it at this point. He's pretty scared, though he wouldn't admit it.......might show lack of faith, you know. He's pretty clueless right now and is really having to trust God. This isn't a critique of dad. I'm on my fourth teenager and am man enough to admit that I'm still clueless. Fortunately, God's not. And if we UNDERSTAND that, and pray from that perspective, our kids WILL fulfill their destiny simply because of this.........
He's God and we're not.
Gary "Burn'n Heart"
