> >Subject: Important recall
> >Dear Consumers:
> >>
> >It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN
> EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have
> one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The
> southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen.
> >It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee
> superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of
> >>Hazzard screen saver.
> >>
> >Also note:
> >The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"
> >My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"
> >Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"
> >Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard"
> >Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"
> >Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs"
> >Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops
up.
> >>
> >CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SUTHERN EDITION:
> >WOK: ats aw-right
> >Cancel: stopdat
> >Reset: try er agin
> >Yes: yep
> >No: noop
> >Find: hunt fer it
> >Go to: over yonder
> >Aback: back yonder
> >Help: hep me out here
> >Stop: kwitit
> >Start: crank er up
> >Settings: sittins
> >Programs: stuff at duz stuff
> >Documents: stuff ah done did
> >>
> >Also note that SUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or
> punctuation marks.
> >>
> >Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98:
> >>tiperiter: A word processing program
> >>colerin book: a graphics program
> >>cyferin mersheen: calculator
> >outhouse paper: notepad
> >>jupe-box: CD Player
> >intranet: Microsoft Explorer 4.0
> >>pichers: A graphics viewer
> >airs: MS accounting software
> >>irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files
> >tax records: usually an empty file
> >coon dog: American kennel club records
> >>
> >You'll recognize WINDERS 98 SUTHERN EDITION as it comes pre-loaded with
> certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide Web.
> >>Fishin': Bass Anglers Sportsman Society
> >>NRA: National Rifle Association
> >Shotgun: Remington Arms home page
> >>Riffel: Winchester home page
> >>Pistul: Smith & Wesson home page
> >>Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers by zip code
> >>House: Mobile home repair services & movers by zip code
> >>Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents (extremely long
> >>download time)
> >>Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code
> >>Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the
> >>race
> >>Car 'n truck parts: Junk yards by zip code
> >>Doc: veterinarians by zip code
> >>
> >>We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy
> >>of the SUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a
> >replacement
> >>version.
> >>
> >>I hope this helps all y'all!
> >>
> >>Billy Bob Gates
> >>Head Honcho
> >
> >
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