You need a knife for the bread, not Two Forks.
Keith Brooks
-----Original Message-----
From: Robert Triphahn <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: ar cook <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Cc: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Date: 11 02 99 7:29 PM
Subject: Re: [RR] Bread --- dangerous!
>Where do I sign up ;-)
>
>Two Forks
>
>> The Dangers of Bread
>>
>> A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE
>> HEALTH HAZARD." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell
of
>> baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components
of
>> this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up).
>> I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced
>> global warming?
>>
>> Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make
>> anyone think twice .....
>> 1: More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
>> 2: Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
>> score below average on standardized tests.
>> 3: In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,
the
>> average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates
were
>> unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as
>> typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
>> 4: More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours
of
>> eating bread.
>> 5: Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that
as
>> little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
average
>> American eats more bread than that in one month!
>> 6: Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence
of
>> cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Disease and osteoporosis.
>> 7: Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
>> given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days.
>> 8: Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to harder items
>> such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
>> 9: Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more
than
>> 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body
being
>> taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy,
gooey
>> bread-pudding person.
>> 10: Newborn babies can choke on bread.
>> 11: Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That
>> kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
>> 12: Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
>> significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
>>
>> In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread
>> restrictions:
>> 1: No sale of bread to minors.
>> 2: No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
>> 3: A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal
ills
>> we might associate with bread.
>> 4: No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
>> children) may be used to promote bread usage.
>> 5: A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please
pass
>> this message on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.
>> Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.
>>
>> In His Service,
>> Allen R. Cook - Cookie
>> Royal Rangers Senior Commander
>> Belton A/G -- Belton, Missouri
>>
>> e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
>> web page: http:\\www.sound.net\~pabonim\index.htm
>>
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