See, He told you it was dangerous. First a knife, then Two Forks to hold
the squirming bread down.
Two Forks
>
> You need a knife for the bread, not Two Forks.
> Keith Brooks
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Robert Triphahn <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> To: ar cook <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> Cc: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
> Date: 11 02 99 7:29 PM
> Subject: Re: [RR] Bread --- dangerous!
>
> >Where do I sign up ;-)
> >
> >Two Forks
> >
> >> The Dangers of Bread
> >>
> >> A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "SMELL OF BAKED BREAD MAY BE
> >> HEALTH HAZARD." The article went on to describe the dangers of the smell
> of
> >> baking bread. The main danger, apparently, is that the organic components
> of
> >> this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff up).
> >> I was horrified. When are we going to do something about bread-induced
> >> global warming?
> >>
> >> Well, I've done a little research, and what I've discovered should make
> >> anyone think twice .....
> >> 1: More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread eaters.
> >> 2: Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households
> >> score below average on standardized tests.
> >> 3: In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home,
> the
> >> average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates
> were
> >> unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as
> >> typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged whole nations.
> >> 4: More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours
> of
> >> eating bread.
> >> 5: Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that
> as
> >> little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The
> average
> >> American eats more bread than that in one month!
> >> 6: Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low occurrence
> of
> >> cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's Disease and osteoporosis.
> >> 7: Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and
> >> given only water to eat, actually begged for bread after only two days.
> >> 8: Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to harder items
>
> >> such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.
> >> 9: Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more
> than
> >> 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body
> being
> >> taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy,
> gooey
> >> bread-pudding person.
> >> 10: Newborn babies can choke on bread.
> >> 11: Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
> That
> >> kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
> >> 12: Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between
> >> significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
> >>
> >> In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread
> >> restrictions:
> >> 1: No sale of bread to minors.
> >> 2: No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
> >> 3: A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal
> ills
> >> we might associate with bread.
> >> 4: No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to
> >> children) may be used to promote bread usage.
> >> 5: A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread manufacturers. Please
> pass
> >> this message on to everyone you know who cares about this crucial issue.
> >> Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.
> >>
> >> In His Service,
> >> Allen R. Cook - Cookie
> >> Royal Rangers Senior Commander
> >> Belton A/G -- Belton, Missouri
> >>
> >> e-mail: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
> >> web page: http:\\www.sound.net\~pabonim\index.htm
> >>
> >> ______________________________________________________
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> > "Eat the hay & spit out the sticks! - A#1's mule" RTKB&G4JC!
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> >
>
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