A couple of things I have learned with 3 kids. 
1. Let them choose as much as possible. If you can, show him a balance bike and 
a 16" bike (most 4.5 year olds would be too small for a 20") and see which he 
chooses. 
2. Skip training wheels all together. They don't help and can slow things down. 
3. When actually teaching, watch the video for "teaching how to ride a bike 
without pain." It goes through the motion of teaching without pedals. 
4. Keep it simple. No gears as long as he can stand it. 
5. If you can "treat" him (afford it) those isla bikes look so good: light 
(DOES make a difference to little kids if not us) small components like brake 
levers, sensible geometry, etc.  
6. Like Patrick said, hand on the back (or neck, you automatically keep it 
light) and not on the bike. 

Good luck!

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