Epic lol. Someone should publish those, or at least put them on the main
page of the website.

-Greg

On Fri, Jul 17, 2009 at 7:09 AM, Sgt.A.Johnson <
[email protected]> wrote:

>
> NOOO. YOU MESSED IT UP. that must of been the best one yet until
> auntie ethel said: "Your fondesw Aunw Ewhel". I think shes had to much
> to drink
>
> On Jul 16, 3:58 pm, Mike Lyons <[email protected]> wrote:
> > Featherstonedough Manor
> > Lower Fotheringay on Strognobbin, Derybshire
> > 15th July, Year of Our Lord 2009
> >
> > My dearest nephew Eric,
> >
> > I have just received your missive of July 12 and I am Most
> > Distressed.  We have run out of gin and I am down to my last bottle of
> > Valium.  Purvisbotter has gone down to the village for replenishments
> > and I am all alone in the house with only Cook, Gardener and the three
> > maids.  To Top It All Off, I have just read of your frightful ordeal
> > with these Horrible Men.
> >
> > I feared Mister Phil was new money, but at least he had the decency to
> > rescue you from these Barbarians.  I don't understand why he allows
> > vehicles inside his castle, let alone shooting.  The only vehicle
> > inside a castle should be a palanquin, and the only shooting on the
> > grounds should be at flushed pheasant and Foreigners.  I do hope your
> > friend Mister Action Man is unharmed - is he related to the Acton-
> > Manns of Outer Flumbuggerdown?
> >
> > You are fortunate to have been treated so kindly by Nurse Nellie.
> > Pink sheets are very nice (especially with lilac wallpaper and walnet
> > wainscoting to match the four-poster) - I presume you caught a glimpse
> > of her sheets as they were drying on the clothesline.  She is blessed
> > to be expecting, please give my Best Wishes to her and husband - you
> > haven't mentioned him, is he a doctor at the hospital, or perhaps a
> > clergyman?  God Forbid he is one of these Awful Tank Men.
> >
> > I will thank you Never To mention that Unfortunate Incident again.
> > You know full well that I was invited on board the Invincible by
> > Captain Snupperwithginbrom-Smythe on her return from the Falklands
> > skirmish, to welcome home our Victorious Boys.  I must have had a
> > Touch Of The Sun after we ran out of rum and don't remember much after
> > that.  Apparently I had severe heatstroke, because I found my clothes
> > neatly stacked on a stool next to the bunk where I woke up, presumably
> > thanks to the care of the Ship's Doctor.  Many of the sailors must
> > have enjoyed my conversation immensely before I fainted, as there are
> > 47 sets of initials under the tattoo of the ship's insignia on my
> > upper thigh, which I understand to be a traditional token of
> > appreciation for Services Rendered.
> >
> > Anyway, I digress.  Where the hell is Purvisbotter with the gin?  No
> > doubt he has stopped by the schoolhouse to woo Miss Gneelingdon.  He
> > often says he would like her to teach him A Thing Or Two, which I
> > suspect means something vulgar but choose to ignore.
> >
> > Now to Matters Most Important.  I forbid you to go anywhere near these
> > Wretched Tanking Fellows.  Your mother appointed me your Guardian on
> > her deathbed and I promised I would Keep You From Harm.  Your uncle
> > has tried his best to stand in for your father (God rest his soul, and
> > curse those fuzzywuzzies who butchered him in Rangoon - and on my
> > birthday of all days!) and both of us wish Only the Best for You.  You
> > and your Nice New Friend, Mister Action Man, should spend your time
> > volunteering at the church and taking tea with Nurse Nellie and her
> > husband.  Perhaps you could offer to paint the nursery for her Little
> > One On The Way - between the three of you, you should be able to liven
> > up the place.
> >
> > Your fondesw Aunw Ewhel
> >
>

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