"PARENT'S GLOSSARY OF KIDS KITCHEN TERMS"
APPETIZING:
Anything advertised on TV.
BOIL:
The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic
"Yuck" before a food is even tasted.
CASSEROLE:
Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten
because they are mixed together.
CHAIR:
Spot left vacant by mid-meal bathroom visit.
COOKIE (LAST ONE):
Item that must be eaten in front of a sibling.
CRUST:
Part of a sandwich saved for the starving children
of China, India, Africa, or Europe (check one).
DESSERTS:
The reason for eating a meal.
EVAPORATE:
Magic trick performed by children when it comes
time to clear the table or wash dishes.
FAT:
Microscopic substance detected visually by children
on pieces of meat they do not wish to eat.
FLOOR:
Place for all food not found on lap or chair.
FORK:
Eating utensil made obsolete by discovery of fingers.
FRIED
FOODS: Gourmet cooking
FROZEN:
Condition of children's jaws when Spinach is served.
FRUIT:
A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert.
GERMS:
The only thing kids will share freely.
KITCHEN:
The only room not used when eating crumbly snacks.
LEFTOVERS:
Commonly described as "gross."
LIVER:
A food that affects genes, creating a hereditary dislike.
LOLLIPOP:
A snack provided by people who don't have to pay dental bills.
MACARONI:
Material for a collage.
MEASURING CUP:
A kitchen utensil that is stored in the sandbox.
METRIC:
A system of measurement that will be accepted only
after forty years wandering in the desert.
NAPKIN:
Any warm cloth object, such as shirt or pants.
NATURAL FOOD:
Food eaten with unwashed hands.
NUTRITION:
Secret war waged by parents using direct commands,
camouflage, and constant guard duty.
PLATE:
A breakable Frisbee.
REFRIGERATOR:
A very expensive and inefficient room air
conditioner when not being used as an art gallery.
SALIVA:
A medium for blowing bubbles.
SODA POP:
Shake'N Spray.
TABLE:
A place for storing gum.
TABLE LEG:
Percussion instrument
THIRSTY:
How your child feels after you've said your final
"good night."
VEGETABLE:
A basic food known to satisfy kid's hunger --
but only by sight.
WATER:
The cola of underdeveloped countries.
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