How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. If your dog is barking at the back door & your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told. I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. My job is secure. No one else wants it. Sometimes I wish life had subtitles! I'd rather be driving a golf ball. Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. Conclusion: the place where you got tired of thinking. Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again. Money is the root of all wealth. Don't judge a book by its movie. With a calendar, your days are numbered. People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. Friction is a drag. Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it Things are more like they used to be than they are now. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory. I'm in shape. Round's a shape, isn't it? It is bad luck to be superstitious. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions. If quitters never win, & winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older Then it dawned on me . . . they were cramming for their finals. Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso. VENI, VEDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. My husband & I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. The trouble with life is there's no background music. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol I intend to live forever - so far, so good If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
