Laws of Cat Physics Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the midsection of an unsuspecting, reclining human. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him or her. Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter plus Antimatter plus It Doesn't Matter. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state when a cat is present. Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Bag/Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
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