On the Lighter Side...

Customer Support

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some 
difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer 
support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone 
and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the 
problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused 
us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should 
do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy 
said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"

Newlywed Repairs

A man came home from the office and found his new blonde bride 
sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was 
pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your 
trousers." "Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that 
I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, I know. And 
it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes. "I was able to 
use a piece from them to patch the hole!"

Losing Control

While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a 
set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched 
along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally 
she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any 
of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of 
your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?" The young 
mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the children, yes."

One Liners

An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to 
the driver, "Got any ID?" Driver says, "Bout what?"
A rock store was closed by the police -- they were taking too much for granite.
What is a computer's first sign of old age? Loss of memory.
Notice! Take lettuce from top of stack, or heads will roll!
A letter carrier's career is a mail-dominated profession.
A job at the nursery can lead to a budding career.
Didja hear about the Broadway actor who broke through the floor 
boards? He was just going through a stage.
The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the 
Leaning Tower of Pisa. The reason? What good is it if you have the 
inclination, but you don't have the time?
A farmer called his pig Ball Point. Well, it wasn't it's real name, 
just a pen name.
When the unemployed actor got a job with a demolition company, he 
finally brought down the house.
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will 
clean them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

A single candle can illuminate an entire room. A true friend lights up 
an entire lifetime. Thanks for the bright lights of your friendship.
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