On the Lighter Side... Therapy
My therapist told me that the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. The Fall When the Methodist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "That was an experience, how do I learn from it?" When the Catholic priest falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "I must have done something really bad to deserve that." When the Presbyterian minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "That was inevitable, I'm glad its over." When the Baptist minister falls down the stairs, he picks himself up and says, "Which one of my deacons pushed me?" Proof You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure Honey. You carry the suitcases!" Pricey Attire The groom to his fiancee, "Three-thousand eight-hundred dollars for a dress that's only going to be worn once?!" "Who says it's only going to be worn once?" "Oh? You're planning to get married again? You know you can't wear white the second time!" "No, but I do plan to have a daughter and she'll wear it on her wedding day. And she'll have a daughter who will wear it on her wedding day. And her daughter will wear it on her wedding day. It will become a family heirloom." "I'll bet your mother never bought such an extravagant dress." "Oh yeah? Well, she did too, smarty!" "Okay, then why don't you wear hers?" "Who wants to get married in that old thing?" Ten Things You Never Hear in Church 1. "Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!" 2. "I was so enthralled, I never even noticed your sermon went 25 minutes overtime." 3. "Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf." 4. "I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I've been sending to TV Evangelists." 5. "I'll volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class." 6. "Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do!" 7. "I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before." 8. "Since we're all here, let's start the service early!" 9. "Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas." 10. "Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment to the Lord like our annual stewardship campaign." A single candle can illuminate an entire room. A true friend lights up an entire lifetime. Thanks for the bright lights of your friendship. --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ Access the Recipes And More list archives at: http://www.mail-archive.com/recipesandmore%40googlegroups.com/ Visit the group home page at: http://groups.google.com/group/RecipesAndMore -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
