Lololololol. That's funny!
Helen
----- Original Message -----
From: "steve doyle" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 10:07 AM
Subject: [RecipesAndMore] How To Give A Cat A Pill
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle in crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat`s mouth and gently
apply
pressure to cheeks, while holding pill in palm of right hand. As cat open`s
mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle catin left arm
and repeat process.
3. retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with
right
forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of the wardrobe. Call
spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear
paws. Ignore low growls emmitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with
one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down side of ruler
and rub cat`s throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Hummell
figures
from hearth and set to onr side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat`s head just
visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat`s
mouth open with pencil and blow down cat`s throat threw drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink glass of
water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse`s forearm and remove
blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbour`s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
cupboard and close door into neck to eave head showing. Force mouth open
with dessert
spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from shed and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw
t-shirt
away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Ring fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road.
Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Remove last
pill from foil wrap.
13.Tie cat`s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to
leg of dinning table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves in shed, force cat`s
mouth
open with a small wrench. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to
14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency department, sit quietly while
doctor stitches fingers and forearm, and removes pill remnants from right
eye. Call
furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for local cat rescue to collect cat, and ring local pet shop to
see if they have any cute puppies for sale. {Do not do this only think about
it.}
A single candle can illuminate an entire room. A true friend lights up
an entire lifetime. Thanks for the bright lights of your friendship.
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