an interview with Kashish Chopra, South Asian-American, lesbian, and beauty queen...
Original article (and photo) at http://news.asianweek.com/news/view_article.html?article_id=7ec4ddd3ebdd981ab135f1355a88c00e&this_category_id=169 "Miss India Comes Out: Kashish Chopra defies the beauty queen stereotype" from AsianWeek, 11/21/2003 By Joyce Nishioka That Kashish Chopra was crowned second runner-up in the Miss India New England Pageant isn't a surprise. Born and raised in Wheaton, Md., the curvy, doe-eyed 19-year-old studied classical Indian music, she speaks Hindi and, in May, she will graduate from college with degrees in international business and philosophy. But unlike other beauty queens, Chopra is also a lesbian. And she's using her sash to let the South Asian American community know it's OK to be gay. "I speak about being gay in the context of Indian culture because there are so many people who think that homosexuality goes against the values of our culture," Chopra says. "Growing up gay is still difficult. Growing up gay and Indian is a nightmare." Since competing in the Miss India New England contest last spring, Chopra has given talks on several college campuses and at Indian cultural events to promote awareness of the South Asian lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community. And in January, she will be a speaker at the South Asian Awareness Network conference on the University of Michigan campus. Despite her conviction, she has yet to convince her parents. "They used to tell me how proud they were of me, that I was a well-rounded, wonderful daughter," she says. "But just the other day, they told me directly that I don't uphold the values of my family and my grandparents. It's very difficult for them. I know they love me, but this isn't something that's acceptable. "When you come out of the closet and you're Indian, your entire family goes into the closet with you." It's not that Chopra hid her sexuality to her parents. They just never talked about it. "I hinted to my parents in high school, but I never felt comfortable sitting them down and saying, 'Mom, Dad, we need to talk about my lesbianism.' That just doesn't happen in Indian families," she says. But she did come out to her classmates -- in eighth grade, no less. Attending Catholic school, she knew from a young age she was different from the other girls. By the sixth grade, while her friends were pairing up with boys, she had a crush on her teacher. "I didn't know if something was wrong with me," she says. "I knew I was different, and I did know I was gay, but I never said it aloud to anybody." Soon, destructive thoughts consumed her. She remembers, "I knew, 'Yes, there are gay people out there, but you've got to be kidding; could I really be one of them? I'm growing up in a Catholic school; people think I'm going to hell. People are not going to talk to me.' "And hate crimes. I saw all the hate toward the community and I thought, 'This is going to be my life. And I'm Indian, too. I don't even think this is allowed for me.' " Chopra was depressed and often thought about killing herself, but somehow she found the strength to reveal her true self. "In sixth and seventh grade, I was very angry and thought a lot about suicide," she says. "I didn't understand why it had to be that way, not why I was gay, but why being gay had to be so hard for people to accept, why I would have to live a harder life than everyone else around me. "In eighth grade, I told myself, 'I'm not going to hide who I am because I'm scared of whether I will be accepted. I will find acceptance only if I'm who I am.' She was right. Rumors spread about her being a lesbian and she heard the whispers, but she was also active in school, on the speech and debate teams, on thehomecoming committee and in student government. Some people couldn't believe that such a pretty girl could also be a lesbian. They thought she was going through a phase, experimenting with her sexuality. "One of my friend's mother said, 'Kash is so beautiful. She doesn't have to be a lesbian,' " she says. "I didn't know how to take that, if it was a compliment or a putdown. "Even now, people think because I'm feminine that I really am straight or that I haven't met the right guy. Friends make fun of me and call me a closet heterosexual. But sometimes you don't want to hear the jokes because jokes do hurt after a while. "The butch lesbians are the brunt of those jokes and they get so much crap just because they're being who they are. I get a lot of crap, too, because I'm feminine. The effeminate gays, the drag queens, the transsexuals. And the bisexuals -- for god's sake -- they probably get it worse than any of us because everyone thinks they're just greedy. There are so many stereotypes." Though Chopra isn't in a relationship at the moment, she has had serious girlfriends, but none who have met her parents. "No, no. That has never been an option. Most parents are worried about who their daughter is going to bring home; putting lesbian into the profile ... oh, my gosh," she laughs. One of her parents' biggest worries was that their daughter would be ostracized. But early on, Chopra found support from the non-Asian LGBT community and more recently from South Asian American LGBT groups, such as Boston MASALA. "That has been an incredible supportive network," she says of Boston MASALA. "The first time I went to a meeting was last year. I had never been in a room of gay South Asians, and it was wonderful to me because I finally realized there are people like me out there." Along with goals of attending graduate school and teaching at a university, Chopra wants to continue public speaking and eventually, she would like to find a life partner. "Little do my parents know that I do want to marry someone who is Indian, someone who is a professional, someone with the same family values," she says. "I want everything they would have wanted for me but in a woman." She remains hopeful that her parents will grow to accept her, adding, "I want them to know that they didn't go wrong just because I'm gay." VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE! Proshat Shekarloo Community Development Program Coordinator Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence 450 Sutter St, Suite 600 San Francisco, CA 94108 Tel:415.954.9988 Direct line:415.568.3314 Fax:415.954.9999 [EMAIL PROTECTED] website:www.apiahf.org/apidvinstitute ------------------------------------------------ visit http://www.geocities.com/sapacchicago email [EMAIL PROTECTED] with "unsubscribe sapac" in msg body to unsubscribe
