Yep. About 2 weeks ago here in NC.
On Nov 4, 2008, at 1:29 PM, [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
Voted early last Friday here in the ATL...
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From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Anybody else at the polls yet?
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From: "Tracey de Morsella" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Date: Tue, 4 Nov 2008 12:50:37 -0800
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Subject: [scifinoir2] Obama Vs. McCain In 10 Sci-Fi Movies
Obama Vs. McCain In 10 Sci-Fi Movies
http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire/index.php?category=0&id=61799
My fellow Americans, science fiction has anticipated our current
national dilemma: forever wars, economic collapse, mutant zombies
running in the streets.
Since we're already facing a bunch of science fictional scenarios
made real, which candidate would best handle the real tests facing
the nation: Democrat Barack Obama or Republican John McCain?
"Change You Can Believe in" is great, so long as abominations from
the hollow earth aren't trying to change your very DNA, and putting
"Country First" might not be enough when the whole damned species
is threatened by lizard-faced extra-dimensional organ harvesters.
Take the following scenarios from SF movies:
1. The Movie: Escape From New York.
The President: Donald Pleasence.
The Crisis: With all of Manhattan turned into a maximum-security
federal prison, a Patty Hearst-like teenybopper Tania take-off
terrorist seizes Air Force One and crashes it into Midtown, where
the Prez is taken hostage by a gang of convicts led by the voice of
Chef himself, Isaac Hayes!
Candidate best suited for the crisis: Obama
As a former community organizer, he's got a track record in
difficult urban settings in which times are tough; even though
Hayes' predecessor as the boss of New York, Rudy Giuliani, might
diss it, this is valuable experience! And hey ... if you listen to
certain talk-radio ranters, Obama really knows how to talk to
domestic terrorists in really "palsy-walsy" terms! It might make it
easier for Obama to get the New York State vote, but with 8 million
votes in Manhattan negated (felons can't vote in New York State),
those 31 electoral votes might get trimmed down some.
2. The Movie: Superman II.
The President: E.G. Marshall.
The Crisis: Phantom Zone escapees Ursa, Non and General Zod use
their incredible superpowers to subdue the "Planet Houston" (OK ...
"Earth"), raiding the White House and forcing a comically toupee'd
president (whose rug makes Joe Biden's hair plugs look as natural
as Fabio's mane) to kneel before Zod and swear fealty to the
Kryptonian criminal.
Candidate best suited for the crisis: McCain
His "Secure Borders" policy would apply to Kryptonians, too (even
though if he extended it to include Smallville, Kan., he might
alienate Sen. Brownback and lose six electoral votes in the
process). 'Sides, ... who wouldn't want to see a catfight between
Ursa and Palin (under whose jurisdiction Superman's Fortress of
Solitude would fall, assuming it's not on federal land)?
3. The Movie: Independence Day.
The President: Bill Pullman.
The Crisis: A bunch of really nasty and hostile aliens take a page
from Clarke's Childhood's End and make it real as they park giant
spacecraft over the world's cities and proceed to blow them up. A
ragtag bunch of refugees must rise up and fight the invaders.
Candidate best suited for the crisis: McCain
At the climax, President Pullman clambers into a fighter jet and
joins an assault on the aliens. Well, we know who's got the edge
there, don't we, even though he might be a little rusty after 40 or
so years? The crisis forces the Prez to nuke Houston, so that's 34
electoral votes from Texas vaporized into shiny, shiny fallout.
4. The Movie: Fail Safe.
The President: Henry Fonda.
The Crisis: Six Vindicator bombers are screeching their way into
Russia. Having gone past their "fail safe" points, they can't be
recalled, so the Prez must get on the Moscow hotline (along with
translator Larry Hagman) to help the Soviets bring down the
squadron before Moscow is nuked to glowing rubble while a hawkish
academic named Professor Groeteschele (Walter Matthau) offers tips
on how to use this SNAFU to end the Russkies once and for all.
Candidate best suited for the crisis: Obama
As the character Professor Groeteschele is partly based on Henry
Kissinger (and also on RAND Corp. bigwig and On Escalation author
Herman Kahn), Obama would provide some balance to the situation.
5. The Movie: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying
and Love the Bomb.
The President: Peter Sellers.
The Crisis: Rogue general Jack D. Ripper thinks his impotence is
caused by the damned Commies' putting fluoride in the water, thus
polluting his "purity of essence." The only reasonable thing to do
in such a situation is seize control of a nuke-laden bomber wing
and make the Russkies pay. President Merkin Muffley must assemble
his top advisors, including the mysterious Dr. Strangelove, in the
War Room to deal with the situation.
Candidate best suited for the crisis: McCain
As Dr. Strangelove is partly based on Henry Kissinger (along with
physicist Edward Teller), and Dr. Hank himself has endorsed McCain,
McCain would know how to talk to the guy.
6. The Movie(s): the X-Men films.
The President(s): Cotter Smith, Josef Sommer.
The Crisis: Increases in the number of mutants with superpowers,
some under the leadership of Magneto, are out to advance the mutant
cause at the expense of normal Americans.
Candidate best suited to handle the crisis: Obama
McCain, speaking at the advocacy group The Discovery Institute last
year, courted creationists as part of his base, so he threatens to
alienate some of his supporters by addressing mutation at all,
which could be seen as an endorsement of the theory of evolution.
7. The Movie: Mars Attacks!
The President: Jack Nicholson.
The Crisis: A bunch of flying saucers from Mars go all "Ray
Harryhausen" on the U.S., attacking landmarks like the Washington
Monument and the Vegas Strip.
Candidate best suited to handle the crisis: McCain
With regard to dealing with the fining of aliensin the U.S.--which
some critics called "amnesty"--McCain said: "It is no more amnesty
than I am a Martian!" This is clear indication that he's prepared
to deal with domestic issues in extraterrestrial terms.
8. The Movie: Escape From L.A.
The President: Cliff Robertson.
The Crisis: After an earthquake has turned Los Angeles into an
island prison bordered by what is now the "San Fernando Sea," a Che
Guevara knock-off "Manchurian Candidates" the President's daughter--
through groovy Peter Max holograms sent to her via the Internet--
and compels her to come to L.A. as his love bunny. As the First
Daughter just happens to have the codes that will activate a
superweapon capable of sending human culture back into the Stone
Age, this is more dire than the Bush twins running off for a weekend.
Candidate best suited to handle the crisis: Obama
McCain/Palin's "Real America" rhetoric seems to exclude the Left
Coast, despite the 55 big, fat, juicy electoral votes in California.
9. The Movie: The Simpsons Movie.
The President: Arnold Schwarzenegger (voiced by Harry Shearer).
The Crisis: After Homer contaminates Lake Springfield with a big
canister of pig poop--a catastrophe that leads to a pretty dramatic
squirrel mutation--the EPA places all of Springfield under a
Logan's Run-like giant glass dome to contain the crisis.
Candidate best suited to handle the crisis: McCain
It's a maverick-y move to put a town under a giant glass dome, and
over the course of the movie the Simpsons escape the dome via a
Florida-like sinkhole, escape to Alaska and return to Springfield
once they see an ad selling a soon-to-be-bombed Springfield as the
next Arizona-like Grand Canyon. With three such crucial states in
play by implication, McCain had better be on the ball with this sitch.
10. The Movie: Idiocracy.
The President: Terry Crews.
The Crisis: In this riff on C.M. Kornbluth's "The Marching Morons,"
the propensity of dumb people to breed like, ... well, ... dumb
people has resulted 500 years later in a country of idiots living
amid miles-high towers of garbage. The crops are failing because
they are being irrigated with a Gatorade-like "thirst mutilator"
drink rather than water, and the economy is imploding.
Candidate best suited to handle the crisis: Obama
Central to Idiocracyis a trial in which Joe Bauers--a regular
schmuck in our time who is put into suspended animation and awakens
in the future as the smartest man in the world--is put on trial for
not paying his hospital bill via a barcode tattoo. Unlike
Idiocracy's President Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho--whose
qualifications to be Commander in Chief include being a former porn
star and Ultimate Smackdown Champion--Obama is a lawyer and could
have a pretty good handle on things without blurring the executive,
legislative and judicial branches too much.
Who's the best SF president? It's a tie. The final vote is up to
you on Nov. 4! --Michael Marano
