[FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels
The FFLife Yahoo group is by far the most profound of groups I have encountered. I wish we could all get together. Even all the people I have wronged with words or who have wronged me from previous Usenet AMT games. I thank you all. You are all my friends. In the sometimes senseless rattling on and verbal warring I sense a commonality amongst us. It would be the sense of the seeker after truth that I feel most strongly here. I mean it. This group makes me aware of weird shit I have never even dreamed of. Each person here suffers from a type of personal integrity that one rarely encounters outside of a Whole Foods, and probably not even there. No, I'm not fucked up right now. Believe it or not. I was just thinking how seriously crazy alot of us are, but here together we are all sane. This group is dope.
RE: [FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels
From: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com [mailto:fairfieldl...@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Kirk Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 2:15 PM To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Subject: [FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels The FFLife Yahoo group is by far the most profound of groups I have encountered. I wish we could all get together. Even all the people I have wronged with words or who have wronged me from previous Usenet AMT games. I thank you all. You are all my friends. In the sometimes senseless rattling on and verbal warring I sense a commonality amongst us. It would be the sense of the seeker after truth that I feel most strongly here. I mean it. This group makes me aware of weird shit I have never even dreamed of. Each person here suffers from a type of personal integrity that one rarely encounters outside of a Whole Foods, and probably not even there. No, I'm not fucked up right now. Believe it or not. I was just thinking how seriously crazy alot of us are, but here together we are all sane. This group is dope. Cool comments, Kirk, as usual. I agree with the crazy bit. The whole world is nuts, and few if any are excepted. Regarding a get-together, I hope we can do that some time. Just a matter of agreeing on a date (warm weather, including the 1st Friday of the month so you'll catch the Art Walk, where the whole town turns out to schmooze), and all who can flying in. Those of us who live here could put people up.
Re: [FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels
On Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 3:17 PM, Rick Archer r...@searchsummit.com wrote: From: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com [mailto:fairfieldl...@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Kirk Sent: Wednesday, March 25, 2009 2:15 PM To: FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com Subject: [FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels The FFLife Yahoo group is by far the most profound of groups I have encountered. I wish we could all get together. Even all the people I have wronged with words or who have wronged me from previous Usenet AMT games. I thank you all. You are all my friends. In the sometimes senseless rattling on and verbal warring I sense a commonality amongst us. It would be the sense of the seeker after truth that I feel most strongly here. I mean it. This group makes me aware of weird shit I have never even dreamed of. Each person here suffers from a type of personal integrity that one rarely encounters outside of a Whole Foods, and probably not even there. No, I'm not fucked up right now. Believe it or not. I was just thinking how seriously crazy alot of us are, but here together we are all sane. This group is dope. Kirk, now you've got me worried. Worried enough to get in the car and drive to NO to check on you. The scary, dangerous time is when the normally troubled person suddenly exhibits peace and equanimity.It means they've made their decision and they're going to go through with it. Just in case I don't get there in time, can I have your rudraksha beads?
Re: [FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels
Kirk, now you've got me worried. Worried enough to get in the car and drive to NO to check on you. The scary, dangerous time is when the normally troubled person suddenly exhibits peace and equanimity.It means they've made their decision and they're going to go through with it. Just in case I don't get there in time, can I have your rudraksha beads? Sorry I gave them to the local lama. The only strand I have left is my ten faced mala which was a gift from my wife. I don't really understand what you're saying regarding peace and equanimity as those words don't really describe me. I think it's hard to judge anyone's contents though their web posting. So much of this is just pretense. Pastime. I can emote any way I wish to be perceived. However, I choose to be me whatever that means. Fact is today we had a plumber out to the house for what seemed to be a disaster in the making and the situation turned out much better than I had hoped, so I was feeling a bit optimistic. I'm sorry for that. Now if Billy Smith, who used to be my friend would just get over himself and say, Hi, we could all move on. It's difficult, I believe, to be frank with others. So much of our lives is just spent in putting on our mask or makeup. I have always believed that the truth was stranger than fiction so a good truth was in effect better than a good lie at covering up for itself. In other words, while I was discussing my personal plight with another member of my own family, then that member took what I said and emailed my own wife, and then she called me worried that I was worse off than I am. Frankness and candor. Cause confusion. I am sorry for writing things that sounded self defeating and perhaps slightly suicidal. I am not like that though, and I would appreciate people to hear this, that I am doing alright, and I thank you all from the depths of my heart for your concerns. Especially you L Shaddai. Considering our past. I don't consider someone my friend until we have fought and overcome. Otherwise who really knows whom? We share the same weather pretty much do we not? It was a pretty bleak and gloomy start of the week, but the sun is starting to come out. Tomorrow, I am going fishing. Fact is, I stopped smoking pot a week ago and it was really hard at first, but I came out of the detox finally. I feel better. Pot was eroding a basic sense of personality that I have always had. Weed now is way stronger than it used to be. The detox is harder than it used to be. Celexa is a pretty good antidepressant. the self deprecating and negative mind habits just magically dissappeared. Without any sort of sense of loss of personal control, emotional cover-up, and whatnot. I am happy I decided to use whatever was available proactively, and not be overcompensating by acting more in control and wonderful than I really am. You know Shaddai, I listened to your advice to relax for a couple weeks and not be too down on myself. That was good advice. I recommend it to others. I also recommend seeking whatever treatment one needs. And not relying on anyone as a guru but oneself. Apparently SSRI drugs allow the brain to maintain a slightly higher level of seratonin, if I'm not mistaken. This performs the function of allowing one to feel more 'rewarded' just on a basic level. It's a decent theory and deserves a shot. I submit my own personal history as candidly as possible in the hope that it may inspire, or motivate others who may think that being spiritual and seeing a shrink are contraindicated. In my way of thinking, if one is aiming at UNITY, then all available options are there for perusal. I think my rudraksha will be buried or cremated with me. I have given out close to 200 strands of 5 faced as gifts. And whole strands of one faced, eleven faced, gauris and more. My belief is that in passing through ones hands the traces remain even if they are no longer present materially. Moreover after Katrina I had had enough of Shiva for the moment. No offense Shiva as emptybill would have me say.
Re: [FairfieldLife] In all my internet travels
On Wed, Mar 25, 2009 at 6:45 PM, Kirk kirk_bernha...@cox.net wrote: Kirk, I was joshing you about your malas. Actually I hundreds of malas of rudraksha beads, many of the beads are monstrous and rare. We're looking at enough money to buy a small Lexus with my beads. Glad you took the time off. You needed to get back together. And yes, Celexa is an SSRI. It prevents the amount of seratonin (relaxation, sleep, gaining weight) in your brain from being degraded. So yes, it does allow you to feel better about yourself. But it's not a crutch. It's just bringing back into balance what is your birthright. There are all sorts of (drug) ways to attack depression. I would have loved to hear that you got a testosterone patch and an anti-depressent which dealt with more than one neurotransmitter, but when dealing with depression, all roads lead to Rome. Expect to be on an anti-depressant for at least a year. Two years would be good. It takes a long time to get everything fine tuned and remember that you'll have to be titrated down not just discontinue the drug. I don't quite remember the name of the guy in the Boston area who lost his high tech job and was on increasing amounts of Prozac on a.t.m. Remember him? He told me he met Judy for lunch and it was pretty obvious why she never married. Expect to find yourself doing things you haven't done in a long time or never did before. This will happen as your emotions free up and flow more. Also expect yourself deciding to quit taking various drugs. As you're more self-satisfied or at least able to be happy with just who you are you'll find yourself actually desiring fewer drugs. Don't worry, they won't go to waste. Package them up and send them out to FFLers who ask for them. Make your first shipment to Turq and faithfully list the contents of the package on the customs declaration. Don't think it strange if ideas of making money in new ways come to you. Getting your emotions/physiology unfrozen does that to you.
